Can you make a housewife out of a hoe?

[la****]

Recently, I was laying in bed with someone who I thought was a friend. We were having a conversation post fantastic sex and he stated "You can't turn a hoe into a housewife." And whether he meant to do it or not, he really hurt my feelings. Mind you, he had been calling me a whore/slut throughout our session. But he also knows I've been looking for my Dom. I am not perfect but I'm also a good woman. I work, I cook, I clean, I'm kinky. But somehow enjoying sex makes me not marriage material? I truly don't understand. Especially since a lot of marriages end because of intimacy issues!

Part of my struggle on this site. Finding people to really connect with on a stronger level. I've always believed that a D/S relationship needed to have trust, connection, and communication. But unfortunately all I've found on this site, save for a few select people who aren't local to me, are casual connections. And I don't judge anyone for wanting those, they have their time and place in my life too. I'm just feeling like maybe it's time to take a break searching.

I simply adore men who can be a gentleman and treat a woman right outside of the bedroom, then treat them dirty inside. I see in and out of the bedroom as separate areas in the relationship. But maybe men can't separate? Idk. I have met some who could say ily but then were repulsed by the idea of choking the woman they loved.

I'm open to hearing your answers to these questions:
Can you turn a hoe into a housewife?
Would you date and marry someone who's very kinky and that you met on this site?
Can someone who wants love also exist in the kink world?
Is it better to look for love elsewhere and hope they aren't vanilla?

Sorry if this is a lot, I just need to vent. And it would be nice to know if other women (or men) are feeling the same way or having the same issues. I'd love all perspectives.

Not sure how much I'll respond. But I will genuinely read all the replies. 💕

Be honest, but please don't direct your comments at me. (If that makes sense.)

[Deleted Member]

You can't also make dumb comments look smart.

[se****]

A hoe isn’t someone who just enjoys sex. I don’t use that word, but it’s more like someone who doesn’t value themselves and sleeps around “too much”. Usually including infidelity.

[DC****]

I disagree totally. I've had vanilla, and "good girls." They just don't work long term. I'm looking for a forever, dirty, kinky partner.

[Ha****]

I disagree. There is no reason that you can't have both and it is all the better to have both with someone you love.

[DeviantInside]

Ok… in the simplest answer to this… can you have a relationship that combines kink, love, support, passion, compassion, connection, intimacy, feelings, conversation, humour, common interests… yes.

[DeviantInside]

1 minute ago, DeviantInside said:

Ok… in the simplest answer to this… can you have a relationship that combines kink, love, support, passion, compassion, connection, intimacy, feelings, conversation, humour, common interests… yes.

I found my partner (and slave) here. We’ve been together 4 years. Our dynamic never goes away but we also share every other aspect of a relationship too.

[Deleted Member]

Enjoying sex and having fun and being kinky is the ideal housewife in my opinion. It's like sharing a hobby with your partner, except you're both into kinky things instead of Legos lol

[Ca****]

No that is exactly what I'm looking for, people that can't separate a freaky bedroom life and a real life is beyond me I would love to find someone who can be a lady until we hit the bedroom and then we get freaky and I'm looking for a long-term relationship I have tickets for a really big concert tonight and I would love to take somebody did anybody seem to want to go with me maybe you could be the one

[Deleted Member]

Being a hoe and being kinky is completely different things. There is so much I could say here... I don't have enough to answer your question about you. But technically hoe is such a variety of a word. Everyone has their own definition of what a "hoe" stands for.

A person who sleeps around with anyone and everyone. Even while being in a committed relationship.. such as cheating all the time is what an average person calls a hoe.

A person who doesn't want stability only sleeping around probably wouldn't make a good husband or wife... they may just hurt the person who loves them.

Casual hookups are not being a hoe. It's consenting adults fucking 🤷🏼‍♀️.

There isn't enough information on the friend you talk about. If he was calling you one after you 2 had sex or what. But a lot of men use it as a double standard.

If he telling you, you won't make a good wife because you're a hoe... that isn't a good friend.

Another factor plays in... which relates to a few people I know. Some people have hypersexuality from a young age. Some caused from some serious trauma. When this "invisible trauma" from "childhood trauma" presents its self some people aren't aware of the hypersexual drive. So they are always trying to scratch an itch. It isn't always the reason for hypersexuality but calling someone a "hoe" before knowing anyones story is a shit thing to do.

That's why I don't like this site. Everyone wants a quick fuck. No one wants anything... real.

If a human judges a person before knowing them the problem lies within them. Not the other.

[Ti****]

Everyone should be true to themselves and, without hurting others, do as they please. If that means being a hoe, go for it.
Being a housewife is a whole different pursuit. Choosing to love someone and be loyal for life is a major undertaking. It takes commitment, trust, forgiveness, and unreal levels of patience. It means fighting to connect if there are intimacy issues. It means setting and reinforcing expectations so both partners are treated right.
Anyone can become a housewife if they choose to be. Anyone can get a housewife if they want it badly enough.
Good luck.

[Ba****]

Do not let him discourage you. You are wifey material. Literally the full package.

[To****]

the simple answer is yes, the company that aspect is being able to have open and honest communication with each other especially if you still have other partners and our casual with them but dedicated to your primary partner. that's where the dynamic can get complicated if new emotions arise with other partners. but if you're talking about just a monogamous long-term relationship where you're still able to be kinky that also is possible you just need to be honest about it up front with the person to give him the opportunity so they're not finding out after the fact how many bodies you had before them, both are fairly possible but the communication part is key.

[de****]

You need to tell them how that made you feel. Obviously you value their opinion, otherwise no post. If that’s how they feel then you either have to accept it or move on. IMO, it’s possible to have the kinky dynamic but maybe you are on a different page than he is. Maybe that’s how they’re indicating that they’d like exclusivity. Just make sure to communicate that before a next session not after. That might be key before continuing that dynamic

[Th****]

Wout enjoying sex, specially kinky sex... Wtf is a marriage?

[Li****]

So relatable. Idk what men find appealing about sex with someone without a connection and continuing these quick transactions.
I've tried a couple of ons and genuinely, found them a waste of time.
Connection only makes everything better from the intimacy in the bedroom to just a vanilla date or walk.

I'm perplexed that it does seem like they don't want to keep a "hoe" but want that fantasy or us to like acting like that and then seem to think that can't be a wife/partner as well? Like you say, they then complain the sex life is sh**. Like what? Lmao. It's like they want everything in nothing.

Absolutely tedious so I feel you on this 🙏🏽😮‍💨🥹😮‍💨

[Li****]

1 minute ago, LittleSoulTease said:

So relatable. Idk what men find appealing about sex with someone without a connection and continuing these quick transactions.
I've tried a couple of ons and genuinely, found them a waste of time.
Connection only makes everything better from the intimacy in the bedroom to just a vanilla date or walk.

I'm perplexed that it does seem like they don't want to keep a "hoe" but want that fantasy or us to like acting like that and then seem to think that can't be a wife/partner as well? Like you say, they then complain the sex life is sh**. Like what? Lmao. It's like they want everything in nothing.

Absolutely tedious so I feel you on this 🙏🏽😮‍💨🥹😮‍💨

*Before anyone says it, I said "men" because as a woman, it's men who chat to me and always express a sexual interest and liking, nothing more.

We don't care if "not all men." If you also read the amount of messages that are exactly the same kind, you'd get it.

[cl****]

Anyone who says they dont feel emotion is kidding themselves. Bdsm does not mean no feeling.

[Lo****]

This will come across as very vague, but it is actually very specific and applies across the board.
It does not matter where you meet someone.
It doesn't matter the style of sexual activity you enjoy.
It does not matter where you are at in life.
When you meet another human that you connect with on THAT level. The one where you just Know that they are your person, and you theirs... Everything else will fall into place.
I also believe that a platform like here offers better chances due to how much information is divulged on one's profile, the extensive communication when discussing boundaries/limits etcetera, and commitment to transparency (as long as the person is truly seeking a real connection). You won't get all that meeting someone at a backyard BBQ, or a bowling alley, or lounge.... whatever else, you get my point.
These people are out there. Some are likely on here... Don't give up after one shitty disappointment. Don't give up after several.
There is a lot of trash on the planet, but if you want to find that one precious gem, you're gonna have to wade thru it.
I think it's worth the journey.

[LU****]

Very relatable… great post

[LU****]

Very relatable… great post

[pr****]

My gosh you sound like you read my mind bc I’m encountering a lot of the same issues on here…it’s frustrating and makes me want to delete the app. I look forward to reading all the replies...
Interestingly enough I’ve also been ghosted a few times as soon as we get to the meeting phase. Are they secretly married and got caught or only playing to see how far they can push?! And I’ve also had two encounters where the guys lied about their interests. I think they came on here bc they thought it meant guaranteed sex and I left both shaking my head. If I wanted basic vanilla, I could hit up my soon to be ex-husband!! And holy hell, anal does NOT make you kinky!

[Ti****]

Depends if they’re ready. Right place at the right time. But statistically speaking it probably is not the right place or time during most encounters

[cl****]

Coming from a dominant man who has always been a alpha male it is quite normal to go i went into seeing people from the environment that you are most comfortable in(even if what you want is uncomfortable) you will eventually come across someone who is so like yourself it makes you inquisitive.Dont feel bad i personally think its a good thing. The old saying finding the person who suits you without even trying. Be open and communicate its got you that far so far.

[Li****]

Did you ask him what he meant by that statement? His answer should clear a lot of things up for you. In general that’s a pretty sexist thing to say, I personally would no longer want to see someone who says things like that. Imagine the reverse situation: you’ve shared an intimate time with a man and after tell him that you can’t turn a guy that’s for the streets into a husband. 🤷‍♀️ People are not just one thing, so to put someone in a box and label them (negatively) says more about the person who said it than anything else. This would be a great convo to have with a therapist if you have one, help you unpack and process the feelings that were brought up for you. Wishing you whatever outcome works best for you. ❤️