Ending a partnership

[PL****]

So, I just had a partner end a partnership through text tonight. This partnership has lasted a year and a half and it was a fwb situation. Rules were always negotiated prior to scene and everything was consensual and was fun. The ending of theis was rather abrupt and quite frankly out of nowhere. My question to all is...
what do you think is a good way to discuss ending a partnership? Do you think u should try to figure out if things can work differently before deciding to end it? Do you think, it is important to provide closure so that you do not cause trauma?
I ask because my answers...
If u enjoy things about that other person to have stuck around for a year and a half. First, Yes, take the time to communicate. Second, if you do decide to end it communication that is clear and consice without being vague is important. Third, answer necessary questions and ask what you need to make sure closure is possible. Just my thoughts because abrupt and vague hurts.

[Ra****]

If it's a play dynamic partnership, I typically write a free exit clause. They can leave anytime after informing of it, no ghosting. Play partner or no, as humans we do develop certain degrees of concern to each other. But, as long as they state it clearly, I don't need a reason. If they wanted a renegotiation, they would have sought it. I wouldn't push for that. At best I would ask them to answer some exit questions like any criticism so you can improve, etc..

If your situation is more a relationship/couple level partnership, that is a bit crass. I don't like people wasting my time. And if I were emotionally vested as I imagined they were, a text-based break up is no joke. Hope you recover.

[ma****]

i *** it so depends. if the partnership has turned harmful then ofc id never advise to try and talk things thru. ik ive been there and looked back to realize just how distant/disconnected we were post-breakup, ive even felt silly for not seeing the end of our dynamic coming. hindsight is always 20/20 i ***, especially once ive given myself time to reflect/grieve. if able to tho, imo, talking over why youre separating with someone should always be a go to, whether that’s friends, fwb, or LTR.f

[Deleted Member]

Hey hope you’re doing good. Message me if you’d like:)

[AR****]

Feel free to DM if you wanna chat about it :)

[laura90]

I absolutely think that one should always adress and discuss issues before ending a relationship. I am sorry that this happened to you. I personally think the best way to overcome this is to attach yourself to someone new quite quickly.

[ab****]

I think it is a two-way street. Both sides have an obligation when one person wants to end the relationship (yes, even an NSA relationship).
The one ending it should be clear with their communication. A "why" I'm sure would be appreciated by the other party, but even something as simple as "my life is just going in a different direction now" and " I appreciate you and all the fun times we had together" would provide closure and prevent a lot of trauma to the other party.
The responsibility of the other person is to hear what they have to say, respect that the relationship has met it's end, and ask any questions that they may have right then while the conversation is being had. All of these together should provide the closure needed and allow for a clean break.

[Ja****]

I agree with the comments above but there is, unfortunately, a limit. Te limit is this. You seldom truely know people and the big clue is there in front of you: this was a FWB situation. Neither party was willing/able to commit to anything more and the risk was always there. You probably don’t know what else was going on in their life or mind and there is little obligation for them to share. There is probably little incentive for them to open a difficult conversation when they have the option of avoiding it altogether, however frustrating that is for you. There are often situations where you will never get a full or honest answer from someone and there is often little leverage to make that happen. They may not fully know or be able to articulate it themselves. My advice is to think it is likely to be an issue on their side, not necessarily anything you have done. Accept that you may never get a full answer and move on. This is not an unusual situation and likely no reflection on you. You probably never knew them as much as you may have thought and they only ever showed you what it suited them for you to see….

[ar****]

If the FWB situation has emphasis on the play, then likely every in-person meetup would come down to that. (pun intended?😅)

That would bring certain expectations with it. In that sense, meeting up for breaking up could be rather weird, because not only would you not get what you want from the appointment, it would confirm that you won't get what you want anymore, going forward.

Hence, it would be pretty confrontational and possibly change your association with being with them in that space forever.

So, perhaps it's good that you still have all your physical meets to look back to as being fulfilling memories. 🤔

[laura90]

Any attachment involves hormones and neural networks centered around that specific person. I therefore repeat that, in cases of unrequited love or with a partner who simply does not respect you and behaves disrespectfully, the best approach is to fundamentally switch those attachment hormones by spending time with other people. Your brain will then become primed onto someone new, and the *** will subside.

[Br****]

For the people suggesting this person attaches themselves to someone new… please stop. Jumping into another partnership after break up is disrespectful to who you are as a person and your body. I’m sorry for the *** you’re going through. This breakup does not define who you are as a person, and I hope you honor your heart and accept that you are still very much a person worthy of love despite the actions of another.

[No****]

I think it's tricky. Closure is a strange thing sometimes it helps other times it leaves more questions than answers. Ending through text however , very disrespectful imo, i understand that some people don't deal well with letting others go but that isnt the way. Even if long term a call is better but meet in person if possible. I will say however it was just a friends with benifits. A rule I always say is that if feelings start from one person it must be said immediately to avoid longterm hurt or attachment if the feelings aren't not reciprocated, and if the goal of the fwb, FB, booty call ect, is to not get attached at all. Then keep comunication to a minimum. Never enter a fwb situation if you are a person that becomes easily emotionally attached . I hope you heal fast and soon.

[Be****]

I think that if the way someone is comfortable breaking up is to be abrupt over text then that's what they should do. Some people are just too easily swayed to change their mind and they know it, so they know the only way they can fully end the relationship is via text and walk away.

I can tell you that the people I have asked to meet for those conversations have got nasty when I refused to change my mind, they argued when I gave them my reasons.

It's not up to someone else to manage your feelings, no one owes you anything and certainly not a FWB. It's up to you now to figure out how to move on, even without the answers you want.

[laura90]

40 minutes ago, BrokenCollar said:

For the people suggesting this person attaches themselves to someone new… please stop. Jumping into another partnership after break up is disrespectful to who you are as a person and your body. I’m sorry for the *** you’re going through. This breakup does not define who you are as a person, and I hope you honor your heart and accept that you are still very much a person worthy of love despite the actions of another.

No, facts arw speaking FOR my approach, not against my approach. Sorry.

[laura90]

It is biochemistry and no, it is not unfair towards a new partner. New relationships are different and can become something completely different and beautiful for both parties. Period.

[Ro****]

Oof, I am so sorry. Getting dumped out of nowhere via text after a year and a half is a massive gut punch, and it makes total sense that you're hurting. Clear communication is definitely the gold standard, but unfortunately, some people handle breakups with the grace of a toddler operating a forklift.That being said, as frustrating as it is, the tough reality is that no one actually owes us an exit interview. While closure is a beautiful concept, forcing a conversation when someone has already checked out usually just leads to more headaches. If they decided to end it, that is their boundary, and we have to respect it—even if they delivered the news terribly. Sometimes the best closure is simply realizing you deserve someone who won't send your relationship into early retirement via SMS. Hang in there

[Ja****]

Something I would add to my earlier comments. This was never a ‘committed relationship’. It was FWB. By definition inherently non-committal or, at least, ‘less committed’, however long it might have lasted. The problem with ‘less formal’ arrangements/relationships is an understandable, but misplaced, tendency to treat them like a more established one, as time goes on, just because they seem to last. It sounds like you may have become more involved or attached over time? If so, did the other person sense this, I wonder? Your message does not indicate how the relationship unfolded or any other details that might illuminate. If it feels like you have been ‘dumped’, is that because you were too involved in something that was meant to be ‘only’ FWB? (Note - nothing wrong with FWB but important that everyone is ‘on the same page’ in terms of expectations). I still think doing this by text is poor and disagree with the comment above. Texts are not meant for complex, nuanced conversations. They are meant to convey simple talk and information. The medium is inherently unsuited to anything else. Once upon a time they might have written a letter…. Even this conversation probably fails to capture much of the nuance or complexity of my or others thinking. The fact they opted for a simpler medium is revealing….

[PL****]

34 minutes ago, James_Bondageboy said:

Something I would add to my earlier comments. This was never a ‘committed relationship’. It was FWB. By definition inherently non-committal or, at least, ‘less committed’, however long it might have lasted. The problem with ‘less formal’ arrangements/relationships is an understandable, but misplaced, tendency to treat them like a more established one, as time goes on, just because they seem to last. It sounds like you may have become more involved or attached over time? If so, did the other person sense this, I wonder? Your message does not indicate how the relationship unfolded or any other details that might illuminate. If it feels like you have been ‘dumped’, is that because you were too involved in something that was meant to be ‘only’ FWB? (Note - nothing wrong with FWB but important that everyone is ‘on the same page’ in terms of expectations). I still think doing this by text is poor and disagree with the comment above. Texts are not meant for complex, nuanced conversations. They are meant to convey simple talk and information. The medium is inherently unsuited to anything else. Once upon a time they might have written a letter…. Even this conversation probably fails to capture much of the nuance or complexity of my or others thinking. The fact they opted for a simpler medium is revealing….

I think you and I look at FWB's very differently and that is where the disconnect is for me. An FWB to me is not just we hook up occasionally. I create connections and partnerships with individuals I play with. These connections are actual friendships. So for him to end it after a year and a half through text seems very wrong. Especially because I thought we had that friendship.

[ld****]

i am sorry you are going thru that breakup. i see the comments and am learning about this thing that is new to me. it is interesting to see the viewpoints and differences in how ppl handle and see this. take care of yourself.

[Robbiesub]

Always a shame when friends are lost

[New_to_this_25]

14 minutes ago, PLEASEandTEASEme said:

I think you and I look at FWB's very differently and that is where the disconnect is for me. An FWB to me is not just we hook up occasionally. I create connections and partnerships with individuals I play with. These connections are actual friendships. So for him to end it after a year and a half through text seems very wrong. Especially because I thought we had that friendship.

I tend to agree with you here regarding some definitions. FWB comes from people being friends and then adding in benefits occasionally. The friendship is first, benefits second. From some conversations I've had and some people I've met, I get the feeling that some people think repeated NSA encounters are the same thing as a FWB - I wholly disagree with that. Reading your initial post, my gut feels that you felt you were FWB and your partner felt you were more repeated NSA. Please forgive my assumptions.... just how I felt when I read it. However, depending on people's age and maturity, some may actually think it's appropriate to end an actual friendship via text... wow!

[Ja****]

17 minutes ago, PLEASEandTEASEme said:

I think you and I look at FWB's very differently and that is where the disconnect is for me. An FWB to me is not just we hook up occasionally. I create connections and partnerships with individuals I play with. These connections are actual friendships. So for him to end it after a year and a half through text seems very wrong. Especially because I thought we had that friendship.

Possibly. The friendship side is distinguishable from the FEB bit. They are like overlapping circles. An FWB may or may not involve friendship to any degree that everyone involved is happy with. It sounds like you are more upset about the friendship aspect? Perhaps, again, this reflects more involvement on your part than theirs? They may have stopped looking at it as a friendship, if indeed they ever did? Hence my comment about being on the same page. It sounds like you were at one point: perhaps something changed and they did not tell you…. Perhaps this kind of communication is not their strong point. I agree is is very disappointing how they handled it.

[PL****]

4 minutes ago, New_to_this_25 said:

I tend to agree with you here regarding some definitions. FWB comes from people being friends and then adding in benefits occasionally. The friendship is first, benefits second. From some conversations I've had and some people I've met, I get the feeling that some people think repeated NSA encounters are the same thing as a FWB - I wholly disagree with that. Reading your initial post, my gut feels that you felt you were FWB and your partner felt you were more repeated NSA. Please forgive my assumptions.... just how I felt when I read it. However, depending on people's age and maturity, some may actually think it's appropriate to end an actual friendship via text... wow!

Your assumptions are correct I think. I think he did not value the friendship on the same level I did.

[Ja****]

1 hour ago, New_to_this_25 said:

I tend to agree with you here regarding some definitions. FWB comes from people being friends and then adding in benefits occasionally. The friendship is first, benefits second. From some conversations I've had and some people I've met, I get the feeling that some people think repeated NSA encounters are the same thing as a FWB - I wholly disagree with that. Reading your initial post, my gut feels that you felt you were FWB and your partner felt you were more repeated NSA. Please forgive my assumptions.... just how I felt when I read it. However, depending on people's age and maturity, some may actually think it's appropriate to end an actual friendship via text... wow!

Friendship is quite a loose term that can cover a range of depths of amicability. . One of the problems is that the degree of the ‘F’ may vary. Refer to my comments above about being on the same page. Part of the problem is the concept of FWB is inherently vague and lacks the more socially recognised commitment of a full relationship. I suspect you are right that the other party may have seen this as more of an ongoing NSA situation. The vaguest version of FWB, if you like….

[ey****]

First off. Really sorry about the end of the relationship.  Ending relationships always sucks and so I'm sorry this has happened.

 

Unfortunately, we don't always get the closure we feel we should have and the lack of closure has to be something to be dealt with itself.   Sometimes the other person just isn't feeling it - and it might be nothing you've done.   

Sometimes actually when the other person thinks they're offering closure it can make things worse. A lot of people are not always entirely honest at break ups to avoid hurting the other persons feelings - and there's stuff it might FEEL like you want, but actually makes it worse.

Resolving relationship problems, it can depend. Maybe they weren't happy for a while and were trying to direct things. Maybe they decided this was no longer what they wanted so nothing you could do to change it.  While a year feels like a long time, it's also not, it's not that long after "new relationship energy" (NRE) has worn off and "working on things" just ends up taking one or both of you in a direction you don't want and no matter what happens, or what you do, you can never have the NRE back.

Take some time and heel naturally, and hopefully bounce back stronger when you're ready.