Ne**** Posted 18 hours ago Honestly, I had a sobering moment where I was faced with indulging my own ego and possibly ending the life we had worked ao much to build together or confront my emotions about it and embrace reality as it was. It forec me to do a great deal of soul searching. Ultimately, I determined that my love for her and all that we had built and the life we have were all not things I was willing to give up. Therefore, It fell to me to take inventory of myself and determine how beat I needed to change to fit the world i lived in, rather than trying to *** the world to change around me. I paradigm shifted. It wasn't easy by any means. I had to look.through all of my insecurities and shadow work why I ahd them. And we had to talk through a great deal of resentments and issues with one another. After realizing that my concern was about *** of inadequacy and not about her autonomous actions at all, I was able to pivot direction and over time, through practicing instances of ENM that turned out okay and were positive... my fight or flight went away. My prefrontal cortex entered the conversation and it slowly became another part of life. The journey is unique for everyone I hear. Bottom line... you have to want to make it work. You have to be okay with destroying your own ego. You have to be willing to explore and embrace the avenue before you. It's all perspective and intention. I wanted all of that bad enough.
ar**** Posted 11 hours ago 6 hours ago, NewUnderground said: Honestly, I had a sobering moment where I was faced with indulging my own ego and possibly ending the life we had worked ao much to build together or confront my emotions about it and embrace reality as it was. It forec me to do a great deal of soul searching. Ultimately, I determined that my love for her and all that we had built and the life we have were all not things I was willing to give up. Therefore, It fell to me to take inventory of myself and determine how beat I needed to change to fit the world i lived in, rather than trying to *** the world to change around me. I paradigm shifted. It wasn't easy by any means. I had to look.through all of my insecurities and shadow work why I ahd them. And we had to talk through a great deal of resentments and issues with one another. After realizing that my concern was about *** of inadequacy and not about her autonomous actions at all, I was able to pivot direction and over time, through practicing instances of ENM that turned out okay and were positive... my fight or flight went away. My prefrontal cortex entered the conversation and it slowly became another part of life. The journey is unique for everyone I hear. Bottom line... you have to want to make it work. You have to be okay with destroying your own ego. You have to be willing to explore and embrace the avenue before you. It's all perspective and intention. I wanted all of that bad enough. Wow wow wow, this right here!! 🙏 Thank you so much! It was my assumption that at some point you felt like you had to choose, between facing your ego and possibly losing your status quo of your life together. That in itself is a powerful motivator, provided the person being motivated is able to understand what really hangs in the balance, and doesn't shrug it off as a "loose threat". I have this picture in my head, that the guy my friend is with, isn't "aware" enough of his behavior towards his wife, and frankly might just deem her "being difficult" without realizing he may lose her. This in turn may be fed by her not actually _wanting_ to lose him (perhaps her own f3ar of having to discover who she is without him). I imagine you weren't much into soul searching before, and so this shift into working against your ego is something I find very powerful! You could even call it "enlightened" or "awakened", because it has made you realize (see) the patterns in your relationship and beliefs, and what damage they were doing to a truly loving relationship. I don't know you, but I'm happy/proud for you, knowing that you shifted your paradigm! I just wish there was an easy/logical way for men to tell men to do that. Because in my view, things that have to do with introspection, shadow work and destroying ego are commonly seen as "spiritual woman mumbo-jumbo" I think? Similar to therapy, I think there's resistance from men because they think it's unnecessary/rubbish/nonsense to them. Maybe the trigger (for women) to get those men to actually start working on themselves, is to trick their ego into it? 🤔 Something like saying "you're playing it off as nonsense, but it seems to me that you are afraid to do the work. You can prove that it's rubbish by working on it and showing me that you are not afraid. Because I would hold you in such higher regard if you would face your f3ars and actually fóught them".
Ne**** Posted 11 hours ago 13 minutes ago, arnhem961 said: Wow wow wow, this right here!! 🙏 Thank you so much! It was my assumption that at some point you felt like you had to choose, between facing your ego and possibly losing your status quo of your life together. That in itself is a powerful motivator, provided the person being motivated is able to understand what really hangs in the balance, and doesn't shrug it off as a "loose threat". I have this picture in my head, that the guy my friend is with, isn't "aware" enough of his behavior towards his wife, and frankly might just deem her "being difficult" without realizing he may lose her. This in turn may be fed by her not actually _wanting_ to lose him (perhaps her own f3ar of having to discover who she is without him). I imagine you weren't much into soul searching before, and so this shift into working against your ego is something I find very powerful! You could even call it "enlightened" or "awakened", because it has made you realize (see) the patterns in your relationship and beliefs, and what damage they were doing to a truly loving relationship. I don't know you, but I'm happy/proud for you, knowing that you shifted your paradigm! I just wish there was an easy/logical way for men to tell men to do that. Because in my view, things that have to do with introspection, shadow work and destroying ego are commonly seen as "spiritual woman mumbo-jumbo" I think? Similar to therapy, I think there's resistance from men because they think it's unnecessary/rubbish/nonsense to them. Maybe the trigger (for women) to get those men to actually start working on themselves, is to trick their ego into it? 🤔 Something like saying "you're playing it off as nonsense, but it seems to me that you are afraid to do the work. You can prove that it's rubbish by working on it and showing me that you are not afraid. Because I would hold you in such higher regard if you would face your f3ars and actually fóught them". Its tough to say but you may be onto something. We men are completely driven by ego. And we are often very self focused and limited in our understanding. I think for many of us, we were taught it was weak to do these things but if we were somehow made to see that actually the hard thing is to face them. That's what actually makes you truly man or whatever We just need society to stop telling us lies about ehat we have to do to be men
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