an**** Posted 16 hours ago We are constantly told that when someone doesn't reciprocate our effort, affection, communication, or love, we should stop giving it. Match their energy. Stop reaching out. Give them what they give you. Cut them off. Ghost the ghost. I say BS, this logic annoys me. Why should someone else's capacity to give determine ours? If affection comes naturally, don't become less affectionate because someone else isn't. If we only give affection when receiving equivalent affection in return, we aren't actually giving freely, it's just transactional. What exactly are you supposed to cut off? It sounds like everyone is saying "cut off the part of you that makes you feel like you" 🤣😒 What?
La**** Posted 15 hours ago Fair. However, pretty soon, it becomes akin to trying to fill up a bucket with a hole in the bottom... Sure, you might be able or even enjoy filling that bucket up, but is the goal to fill the bucket, or have it be full? Knowing when to pull the plug is essential to maintaining your mental health for some folks.
de**** Posted 15 hours ago Life is transactional. Sometimes its clear(I put in effort to cook dinner, I receive dinner) Sometimes its not( she hasnt wanted me In a while, why should I be spending time with her). Maybe the she in this instance has alot on her plate and just needs a hug, maybe her other lovers are more interesting, maybe shes thinking exactly the same thing. Yes very personal to me and my current situation. As many other posters have and will say, it gets old giving and giving and not getting your needs met.
li**** Posted 14 hours ago Cutting off a relationship is not the problem... Ghosting people is. Be mature enough to say, thank you but I'm not interested and say goodbye. Simple and mature.
si**** Posted 14 hours ago 36 minutes ago, lima7864 said: Cutting off a relationship is not the problem... Ghosting people is. Be mature enough to say, thank you but I'm not interested and say goodbye. Simple and mature. Agree 💯!
fe**** Posted 14 hours ago All relationships are transactional. Either fall back or cut them off if they aren’t reciprocating.
Bl**** Posted 14 hours ago For me I reach because I refuse to leave love unsaid. I refuse to let today claim my tomorrow. Tomorrow is not promised and you should say what you refuse to leave unsaid. There may not be a tomorrow.
Sh**** Posted 14 hours ago A relationship, any relationship, is about two people choosing out of their own free will to come together to be in relation with one another. People and relationships are dynamic and so both people’s respective capacities and willingness will likely fluctuate over time. However, the relationship no longer works as it has been once it no longer works for at least one person. If that happens, that’s when a conversation can be had and the possibility of change can be discussed — one doesn’t have to jump to ghosting. However, opening up the relationship to change can be scary, since that introduces the possibility of its ending.
Da**** Posted 13 hours ago Life goes awry. Shit happens. And honestly there will be a lot of times when energy will not be in balance . Both sides will have their own things going on and they will lose interest occasionally (if not often) . We don’t live in the era of Romeo and Juliet . We don’t mate for life anymore . So really it is the question of how long have you gone without a right balance ? No expectations is nice but right expectations is equally important . And when all that results into constant stress, unhappiness and well - no respect, fuck it .
fe**** Posted 12 hours ago Fallback immediately, idgaf at this point. Then decide when you want to cut them off if they’re still not reciprocating how you want them to.
Li**** Posted 12 hours ago 2 hours ago, lima7864 said: Cutting off a relationship is not the problem... Ghosting people is. Be mature enough to say, thank you but I'm not interested and say goodbye. Simple and mature. THIS!!!!!! If they are truly ghosting you, as in not responding, do you know why? Maybe family or other emergency happened, how long since their last response. Give yourself space to explore the value to you to continue or let go. People have different boundaries. Do what comforts you. Ask them if they are interested in continuing, be adult, have the conversation then you will know if ghosting, disinterested or life "temporarily" interrupted the communication
an**** Posted 11 hours ago Author 4 hours ago, LaVidaDaVueltas said: Fair. However, pretty soon, it becomes akin to trying to fill up a bucket with a hole in the bottom... Sure, you might be able or even enjoy filling that bucket up, but is the goal to fill the bucket, or have it be full? Knowing when to pull the plug is essential to maintaining your mental health for some folks. How do I know the size or integrity of their bucket? Why is the demand always to fill their bucket? 🤔 That's exactly what I'm questioning. If I enjoy pouring, why measure what stayed in the bucket? This is for all you givers out there. But also maybe they just have a tiny bucket and it's overflowing, don't know how buckets work or something/someone fucking beat the hell out of their bucket and it just leaks all the time. Like you don't have to know or assume anything negative is my point.
an**** Posted 11 hours ago Author 4 hours ago, denver81791 said: Life is transactional. Sometimes its clear(I put in effort to cook dinner, I receive dinner) Sometimes its not( she hasnt wanted me In a while, why should I be spending time with her). Maybe the she in this instance has alot on her plate and just needs a hug, maybe her other lovers are more interesting, maybe shes thinking exactly the same thing. Yes very personal to me and my current situation. As many other posters have and will say, it gets old giving and giving and not getting your needs met. Transactional is exactly how we get here. 🤔 If we are waiting to receive before we are willing to give, who goes first? And who decides what is adequate compensation, if you can give a bucket and they can't spare a drip, you cut them off?
mi**** Posted 9 hours ago Anyone and everyone that you allow to have an important position in your life is going to hurt you in some way. Whether it’s a lie or something much worse, everyone is going to let you down at some point. You have to decide who is worth suffering for, and how much are you willing to suffer for that person.
an**** Posted 8 hours ago Author 1 hour ago, middletown780898 said: Anyone and everyone that you allow to have an important position in your life is going to hurt you in some way. Whether it’s a lie or something much worse, everyone is going to let you down at some point. You have to decide who is worth suffering for, and how much are you willing to suffer for that person. I agree with most of this, but I'm getting stuck on suffering. Is disappointment, or missing someone, or wanting more, really suffering? What I see is we (generally) are too quick to translate a connection that doesn't give us everything we want into a declaration that the connection is hurting us.
No**** Posted 8 hours ago An eye for an eye leaves the world blind... however, I think if you are meeting your partners' needs and they aren't meeting yours, it requires a discussion. Ultimately, if your needs are expressed and not being met after addressing it, it's time to move on. That's my humble opinion
Ka**** Posted 7 hours ago I read a very great quote that stuck with me. A relationship is not 50/50. It is 100 %. It is a balance. Somedays I may give 90% and the other only 10% but together we still give 100%. It’s a wax and wane thing. We balance each other. Make up for what the other is lacking. There are times when my partner may need to cover 85% because I’m not doing well or sad. It doesn’t mean that we cut each other off. We just shift the balance for that time. And I’m not talking the Dom/sub or switch dynamic. I’m referring to the amount of effort that we each give to maintain the relationship.
DrewDMS Posted 6 hours ago When to cut off??? I live by "treat others in the way you want to be treated." I put in the effort to communicate, and I want the same effort in return. So I tell my partner, "Good morning," "Good night," and "How was your day?" daily. I also text to say I'm thinking about them. Thus, I invest my time in the relationship. I treat my partner with kindness, respect, empathy, sympathy, passion, compassion, etc., to show that I care about them. While we're together, my phone is on silent, and I don't bother to check messages or socials. They're my main focus. The cutoff comes after some time has passed and I've given them more than enough chances to treat me in the same way. It's tiring to have a one-sided relationship. It's tiring to meet their expectations while they're not meeting mine. It's tiring to make sure their needs are met while mine aren't. Thus, I call it a loss and walk away... I'm not a f**king yard dog.
wo**** Posted 3 hours ago Cutting someone off when they stop becoming useful, is usually the best course of action.If they stop returning favors , that means they think you've stopped doing something that they value , or they don't see a reason to share value with you. fixing that is quite challenging no one's really that unique or special.You'll be replaced and you replace them.It's just a matter of time
an**** Posted 2 hours ago Author 4 hours ago, DrewDMS said: When to cut off??? I live by "treat others in the way you want to be treated." I put in the effort to communicate, and I want the same effort in return. So I tell my partner, "Good morning," "Good night," and "How was your day?" daily. I also text to say I'm thinking about them. Thus, I invest my time in the relationship. I treat my partner with kindness, respect, empathy, sympathy, passion, compassion, etc., to show that I care about them. While we're together, my phone is on silent, and I don't bother to check messages or socials. They're my main focus. The cutoff comes after some time has passed and I've given them more than enough chances to treat me in the same way. It's tiring to have a one-sided relationship. It's tiring to meet their expectations while they're not meeting mine. It's tiring to make sure their needs are met while mine aren't. Thus, I call it a loss and walk away... I'm not a f**king yard dog. I resonate with your first paragraph. I also understand if the conversation has happened and the tie cut mutually. My issue is with the "I've given them more than enough chances" enough for who? For you? For them? How many chances do you give them if they are in a coma? A couple hours, maybe a day, a week? What do you do when they say pull the plug, but you can feel the 'don't' in their voice or in their silence? What do you do when they are silent because living hurts and their coma is daily existence? My dog is happy to see me no matter how long I am away. Should he hate me or run away if I go away for a week and don't check in? If he gets out and someone else feeds him for a couple days, is he now trash? Why do his actions control my reactions?
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