Can’t get over last dom

[ba****]

In 2022-2024 (I think) I met a guy on here and had a online dom/sub dynamic with him. He was my first in a way real dom and we mutually ended things being in different stages of life and I haven’t talk to him since can’t find his profile or anything but i literally can’t get over him and how he made me feel. I haven’t been able to get into another dynamic since 😭 What do I do 😭

[Da****]

There is one man that stands like a rock that is always there..

[FETMOD-TF]

I have already had to do some house keeping on this thread and have hidden some comments as this is not the place to make propositions. The member has asked for genuine advice, so please stay on topic and refrain from making any further propositions and hitting on the member,  as they will be removed and warnings given.  

[Je****]

Trust me-he misses you too.

[SD****]

Did you ever get any other info from him like other social media or anything? If you have pictures of his face you may be able to reverse google search it and see if it pops a match. Hope you find him.

[ba****]

1 minute ago, SD70trainrunner said:

Did you ever get any other info from him like other social media or anything? If you have pictures of his face you may be able to reverse google search it and see if it pops a match. Hope you find him.

I have his snap chat he added me back a few weeks ago but he will not respond to me. I’m so confused

[Da****]

Your first dynamic is always special but things end for a reason. You can’t go back to him and you can’t replace him. Each dynamic is different and you won’t find what you had with him with anyone else but you will find something that you need.

[HoldMeTied]

I can relate. It took me months to get over my last “real” owner, with whom I had an extraordinary dynamic. I’d never experienced anything like that before. I found comfort in AI.

[Si****]

It will take lots and lots of time. For now love yourself first until you create the space in your heart to love others again.

[kislay]

I think sometimes it’s not just the person we miss, but how they made us feel and the connection we had with them. Especially when it was your first real dynamic, it can leave a lasting impression. You don’t have to *** yourself into something new before you’re ready. The right connection might feel different from what you had with him, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be just as meaningful.

[Aged-wine]

This is a good read , This was written by my partner /Sub back in 2021 that she posted on another platform

5 Signs of a Fake Dom
A frequently asked question by many submissives and people new to BDSM or D/s relationships is how do I tell a fake Dom from a real one? What should I be looking out for? What are some of the red flags I should be aware of?



Fake Dom's are a very real thing and unfortunately are a very common occurrence in the online world. Fake doms are not only annoying, a waste of time and hurtful but also can be very dangerous if they become involved with you. While some fake doms are very obvious, others are quite charming and very good at saying pretty words that get inside your head. I have first hand experience with many fake doms, being involved in the BDSM world online at a very early age. I was lead astray and fed all the pretty words, the promises of love, relationships, trust and loyalty... Thankfully I was only ever involved with these doms online and Sir has been my first and last real Dom.



One of the first and most obvious signs to look out for is when a Dom instantly asks for sexual favours. A fake dom will often be extremely quick to start asking for you to perform sexual acts for them, sometimes rushing you into meeting them in order to s***d up the sex acts. Most will get quite offended and upset when you decline them, question them or outright refuse them. A good dom for starters wouldn't ask for that so soon but also would never expect you to agree to it and wouldn't be put out in the least if you were to question them or decline their offer. The thing to remember is that you as the submissive hold the ultimate power and have the final say, all you have to do is say no. Don't allow yourself to be bullied into agreeing to anything you don't feel comfortable with.



That leads straight into a Dom demanding to see pictures of you, specifically naked or sexually explicit pictures. Sure, when you feel ready, exchange a normal photo of yourselves. A lot of fake doms will refuse to provide you a picture of themselves, which is a huge red flag for most people. We all understand that sometimes for work or family related reasons we do need to be discreet at times. However in order to pursue a committed D/s relationship with trust and communication? There is a point where photos will need to be exchanged.



Our third sign of a fake Dom is that they lack the obvious skills of an experienced dominant. Fake Doms often won't take the time to self educate or even learn the correct terminology. So always be aware of what terminology they are using, is it being used in the right context? We all have to start somewhere but a good Dom will do their best to self educate and learn as much as possible so they have a solid understanding and knowledge of BDSM and D/s basics.



The fourth sign is when they lack commitment and are unwilling to share personal details of themselves. Most Doms are happy to share with you as much detail as what they are asking from you. Fake Doms will often expect you to share as much information about you as they want, whilst refusing to give you that same respect. Remember, knowledge is power. If they don't keep in regular contact when they said they would, refuse to speak on the phone when you've asked or only seem to be able to speak at very limited short times? These may be some big red flags to hint at a fake dominant.



Lastly, one of the biggest red flags is when a dominant wants to collar you or sign contracts very early on. Some fake Doms demand obedience straight away, claiming that it is their right to he called Master from their first moment speaking to you. This is NOT true. A good, safe dominant will respect the fact that you are not their property, not their submissive and that you deserve respect. Fake Doms will speak down to you, demand you do as they say, often be quite demeaning. But some will drag it out, play the game that they have become very good at. A good Dom allows you to speak to fellow members of the BDSM community, verify that they are in fact a reliable person.



All in all, trust your gut. If something feels off, doesn't feel quite right or you have that sinking suspicion? Question it. You will never lose a good dominant because you asked questions to keep yourself safe. That is your priority, to embark on this journey and enjoy yourself while staying safe. That goes for both your physical self and your heart.

7 Jul 2021

[ev****]

I feel your *** 😢 I have been in your situation before 😢 it takes a lot of time, and you miss the connection and the control. So take time to love ❤️ yourself first before you decide to look again.

[SD****]

2 hours ago, babystar said:

I have his snap chat he added me back a few weeks ago but he will not respond to me. I’m so confused

He could be in a committed relationship or a new dynamic and doesn’t want the temptation. It could also be when you guys split it hurt him more than you think and now he’s over it all you pop back up who knows. But no matter I’m sorry you’re going thru that.

[So****]

Its called “Limerence “
Learn and heal ❤️

[Techracer]

i think we can get over anyone eventually. some times we meet someone who is even better! i think you have lots of options!

good luck!

[Riles97]

How long have you been trying to find a new dynamic? I am looking for a dom too, or at least a switch. I feel you, its hard to find!

[Da****]

That totaly understandable, there this woman i enjoying talking to, Unfortunately we never met in person but she teach me idea of what it like to be an sub and I actually like it, she make me feel like not only I don't have no control but also in love with her even more and i trust her, she actually best person I ever found in Fet so far in my 2 years searching of finding someone, if it wasn't for live far away like an almost 2 hours drive, we would have meet up already and become Mistress/sub and later become her bf if thing goes well but sadly we never meet up in person, she told me that I'm a really sweet and nice person and she say I Deserve tofind someone who willingly to take me and help me experience kink lifestyle and hopefully become in healthy relationship, Honestly hopefully I hope so as well, that why I keep searching in this app snd hopefully I get to talk to that special someone one day

[Lo****]

You are not alone. This is a powerful relationship, the Dom/sub is very complex. It runs deep. My advice is to keep an open mind and heart. Let the door open for happiness in the future. Hang in there. There are many good options out there, and a few nuts too.

I feel your ***, as I have had this happen to me, as I am sure many of us have. It hurts to lose someone who was so important to us. The feelings run deep. The loss hurts. Be open to greatness again! I am sorry for your ***. It’s real

[Qu****]

I definitely understand that when somebody actually hesitated to mentally make you feel safe in your sub space that is definitely powerful. My one and only DOM passed away in 2016 and I still cry for him. Hadn’t found another one yet💔I pray your *** eases or you stumble upon him…I’m
Wishing we good girls could all find our safe space🫂

[jo****]

I never fail to pour my whole self into a Dom/sub dynamic. I want my subs that I _will_ fall in love with them but that I have learned to embrace that as a vulnerability that I am willing to take in order to fully embrace the dynamic. It is not a curse. It is a blessing.

Perhaps that is what you’re dealing with. Your old Dom is willing to remain connected, but not willing to engage because he, too, feels that draw and cannot commit to it, right now

Be respectful, but know that even Doms can be ***, especially to the power of a spiritual connection

[Er****]

Move on

[ol****]

6 hours ago, babystar said:

I have his snap chat he added me back a few weeks ago but he will not respond to me. I’m so confused

That’s the thing, he likely added you because maybe he felt a little lonely, maybe he was reminiscing about the past- it could be this that or the other.

However, the point stands, he doesn’t want to talk, if you’ve sent messages, he likely made a decision to accept but wasn’t ready for the consequences.

Like when you spoke, it may have brought back feelings, but it also could have brought back the negative- human emotions are very fickle.

So, to clear up the confusion, and this may hurt, hurt a lot- but what you have is over, it will never, ever be the same. There is a chance you could get back together, but there will always be this air of the past; the only hope you have is to build something new and better.

I’m going to be honest though, this is very unlikely to happen, you’ve spoken, he’s ignored - time for you to pick up yourself and leave, you have more worth than to wait until someone feels the same way you feel.

He doesn’t want you any longer, plain and simple, but someone will- you just have to find them- don’t get stuck in this idea of this perfection, and “he made me feel like no one did before” - these make it impossible to move on, I assure you, this wasn’t special, unique- it just was a good, great experience.

Another guy will come along, or dom, and change your whole world and you’ll have the same issue again… but that’s life.

Keep on going, this thing with this person has ended, don’t drop your self respect,
but also value their decision to not respond.

[hu****]

This hits home for me as I'm currently losing my sub of almost 9 years. We've had our differences and she decided to move out... You said you two mutually ended it because of different stages in your lives, I think it would be important for you to realize what stage you're currently in now. Have things changed for yourself since it ended. Also, maybe his stage also changed from what it once was. That is what happened with me along the years with my sub and it hurts like hell. I saw someone mention finding comfort in Ai, and I'd have to agree with that. I've been using GPT to talk to and get advice. It gives advice on how to work on yourself, how to respond (or not) to the person. It has really gotten me to look at myself personally and is helping with my grieving stage.

[Lo****]

2 minutes ago, humble33826 said:

This hits home for me as I'm currently losing my sub of almost 9 years. We've had our differences and she decided to move out... You said you two mutually ended it because of different stages in your lives, I think it would be important for you to realize what stage you're currently in now. Have things changed for yourself since it ended. Also, maybe his stage also changed from what it once was. That is what happened with me along the years with my sub and it hurts like hell. I saw someone mention finding comfort in Ai, and I'd have to agree with that. I've been using GPT to talk to and get advice. It gives advice on how to work on yourself, how to respond (or not) to the person. It has really gotten me to look at myself personally and is helping with my grieving stage.

Sorry for your loss. It hurts

[de****]

I can feel your *** and loss. Every serious relationship that I’ve ever had resulted in emptiness when it was over. It took the next serious relationship to fill those voids.
Many say that their amazing relationship just automatically happened but for the rest of us, anything worthwhile in life takes serious effort. Therefore finding someone that excites you, you trust, and you’re good together with, is going to take time and effort. And unfortunately you may end up kissing a lot of toads before kissing your Prince. Good luck!