Can’t get over last dom

[pleasuredomnewbie]

I'm new to this community, so I've never put labels on relationship dynamics in the past like d/s etc, but I think I understand the dynamic in some ways more clearly than many who have been in it for a long time.

One observation is that I think it's the dom's responsibility to tie up loose ends with past connections. If you've made it clear that's what you're after and he isn't giving you that closure I feel that's possibly a sign of immaturity on his part. At least it seems that way only knowing one side of the story.

The other observation I wanted to share is how I envision my own connections. I have a rule I hope I'll be able to uphold which is that if I end up in a dynamic where it's become obvious to me that a sub has given themselves to me in a deep and personal way, I want to retain that connection for the rest of my life. Regardless of whether we stay in the dynamic or not. While I've never personally experienced what a sub puts themselves through emotionally and psychologically, when I imagine what it must feel like, I think I owe that kind of commitment to them as a reciprocation for the commitment they made to me.

[MasterDarcy79]

He added you on Snapchat? I assume you messaged him and he hasn't replied?

I'm afraid, that IS your reply.

You clearly miss him more than he misses you. It happens. Even if things mutually end, one person is always going to take it worse than the other.

I assume by the different reactions, he initiated the break up?

It could be worse, he could've ghosted you.

It's really up to you to decide what you do.

Do you want another D/s dynamic? Do you think you'll ever be in a dynamic that is as good as the previous one?

You are young and you're in this world, so for that you must be very self aware. There's a lot of people in kink who only discover their kinky side later in life.

You have to process things. Write stuff down. Jot down your feelings and be completely honest with yourself.

At the end of the day, though, the relationship has ended and there's nothing you can do to get him back. If he wanted you he would be with you.

The good thing is that you have this experience. You have a wound that will aid your wisdom.

You can be proud of yourself that you have put yourself in a position to be ***. You should be proud of yourself as it isn't easy to open yourself up in a way you could potentially be hurt.

Don't hide or bury your feelings. The healthiest thing to do is feel your feelings. Sooner or later your bottle of hurt will be empty and you'll move forward, wiser and more cautious, for this experience.

Just stay true to yourself and don't let this incident make you bitter or reluctant to give another man the chance to be your Dom.

You'll be fine.

[Ta****]

If you haven't yet look into attachment styles. The at permeates every level of our relating and can be a major for for "staying stuck" on people, especially when it doesn't work out. Orbits completely possible you found an awesome connection and are just struggling to find that again!

[Em****]

HMU that’s what you do bby

[MasterAidan]

I understand this! It's important that when you look for someone new, try not to look for what you had with your last Dom in someone else, that was unique and special, try to let yourself be open to new experiences that will be magical in a different way. I've felt this way before with past partners/subs/slaves/exes cause people imprint on me easily, especially my first in person slave. It gets easier, trust me.

[an****]

My advice is do exactly what you want to do. If you want to reach out to this person reach out to him. Be 100% your authentic self.

I strongly advise you to do whatever you feel like doing. Say whatever you feel like saying while standing true to the role you are seeking.

If this is the connection that you want, go for it. Give him daily updates, put in your effort but make it beneficial to you. Sub him as a construct. Sub his Snapchat as your dom. Show him or become the sub that isn't at a different stage. That may mean months of showing him your growth towards that goal. Preform for 'your dom' not a person.

The fallacy is that we are mourning the loss of a person, that's just not true. When we are suffering and hurting we are mourning the loss of the connection and there's no reality to that. You can't get closure on what you are actively seeking. You can't get over 'your dom' that's the dynamic you want.

You are seeking this dynamic not the person, make sure you are filling your own role and practicing being the best version of the sub you want for 'your dom' (this person or another).

That way when 'your dom' comes around, you have personally grown in every way towards a better dynamic for both of you.

[Ju****]

That sounds harsh, but we can't replicate. Hopefully you find what u need

[De****]

Scanned through the other comments but can’t see the same point, excuse me if I missed it.

This is just love, it’s not about kink or doms or *** or saying “Dada”, fuck all that off, it’s heartbreaking and it’s love.
Worst thing in the world is a broken heart, and there’s no cure, no advice to be had chicken..

My advice (let’s forget I said all that) is that you is dead.
Mourn them. Move on.
Love doesn’t hurt, it ***s us, she/him/them are dead and the cause of death is love, so we mourn that person that once was and we kick on, born anew with some altered ideas.

“You”/“I” can’t be advised because the dead are dead.

Who you are today, stand upon the pile of dead versions of yourself an see some more truth, but to the you that had that happen, it’s just love and it’s either all consumingly wonderment or it’s ripping your spleen out with salted hands.

The hurt becomes the payment for the pleasure as always though.

This you, the now, the today, you’ve seen that and you’ll be okay.

The night is always darkest before the dawn and other clichés apply,

That you is dead, this you has no fucking idea what comes next.
Almost definitely some more turmoil!
But never close your eyes during a car crash, you just miss the best part.
Life isn’t always any one thing though my love, and neither is love.

Tom