Sadists & People Pleasers. What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

[Cu****]

I've been thinking about how dangerously well these two fit together.

One thrives on pushing limits. The other finds a little too much satisfaction in being pushed, especially when there's praise waiting on the other side.

A deliciously dangerous combination, don't you think?

But when does devotion turn into self-neglect? When does the desire to please become more powerful than the instinct to protect yourself?

Sadists: How do you recognize when your submissive has had enough, even if they won't admit it?

Submissives: Have you ever pushed past your own limits just to earn someone's approval?

I'm curious where everyone draws the line between beautiful surrender and losing yourself ♡

[Du****]

Will sit in the corner to listen in

[Do****]

I had a sub once that was like this “no limits” kind of attitude she would never use her safe word. But i could sense when she had had enough. I would pause and just say “good girl”. A wash of accomplishment would come over her and she would say “thank you Sir”.

[bi****]

I’m a sadistic pleasure dom do with that what you will little ones

[su****]

This happened to me concerning a kinky friend group and damaged me in unimaginable ways. Still suffer to this day from the things that transpired. Not that they care or will ever care cause they got that cult mindset. Now I create tools to help others no go thru what I went thru.

[Ba****]

I‘m a bit of both
I listen to the body first and then ask the mind for confirmation if i deem it necessary, i aim to not go beyond „a little too far“ from my partners perspective but am willing to go bit further beyond my own limits

[Sp****]

Staying alert, checking in (as often as necessary) and make using whatever safe words you have part of "being good"

[Ki****]

I’m going to sit and watch and listen

[pr****]

I go non verbal during and have tried to push my own limits once but he checks in consistently with eye contact so even if I don’t literally tap out he’ll stop when he knows letting me push could tie the experience too close to being its own trauma. Also we don’t play that way unless we’re both in the headspace for it

[PL****]

As a submissive I would say I love pushing my limits, but not my boundaries. There is a difference. Pushing my limits may look like pushing my willingness to do specific things that are on my soft limits list (not posted on my profile). However, my boundaries are my hard limits nd those I have never let anyone cross. I have fallen in the trap in which ai allowed something to go too far for approval, and unfortunately hind sight is 20/20. But I believe it is the job of all partners to mak3 sure safety is #1 always. So, part of my reasoning for allowing at the time was I didn't realize it wasn't safe until the h@@rm nbsp;was done.

Behavior following this though did change. I now have better Iimits. I communicate more clearly my needs and do not surrender to the will of others without forethought. I listen to my body. I am careful to give my trust only to those who have taken the time to earn it. Most of all if something makes me feel bad I no longer ignore my feelings for the pleasure of others.

[im****]

Been working quite beautifully for me and my doms. As long as theres clear communication and boundaries arent crossed the work together very well. Trust is another been thing that has to be there though. The sadistic dom has to trust the people pleaser sub to safe word in any situation and the sub has to trust the dom to know how to control themselves...the dom has to trust themself to know when to pull back too.

My impact dom is more of a sadistic dom and he makes sure I agree to something he likes ONLY as long as I continue to enjoy it too. And we go over this EVERYTIME we add something new.

[na****]

I think what really helps is knowing the person and their traumas past history. Pay attention to the little things about them. Give them reassurances beforehand and during that they are in control of how far they let it go. And afterwards definitely hold them while they transition back to normality and just love them make them know that you're safe and cared for

[De****]

When you really have connected with your submissive. You can tell when their body has reached the limit. Even if they give cues to keep going. It’s a part of the position to know when to stop and control your own urges to go to far.

We all want to hit that limit and break past it. However with out control and knowing ourselves. Then that’s when the play turns into a bad experience. Also making sure the proper aftercare routine is established.

[ne****]

3 hours ago, impactgothicsub said:

Been working quite beautifully for me and my doms. As long as theres clear communication and boundaries arent crossed the work together very well. Trust is another been thing that has to be there though. The sadistic dom has to trust the people pleaser sub to safe word in any situation and the sub has to trust the dom to know how to control themselves...the dom has to trust themself to know when to pull back too.

My impact dom is more of a sadistic dom and he makes sure I agree to something he likes ONLY as long as I continue to enjoy it too. And we go over this EVERYTIME we add something new.

Im really only fully rely on the full side of a sub,if i know the soft donts and I personally try to steer clear of some soft ones ,because I could have not understood what you say a soft dont is,and a do not is ,and ive had about twelve subs ,not saying the weekend kinkster that is going to be around a week and be gone,and I personally have had poor or miss communication with a power mistress and as a sub was in shock ,missed one really important dont list things ,and not saying it didn't push me past my *** of a long or short bullwhip ,but that night wasn't one of pleasure for me initially, but with me not saying anything pre session, but gave a yellow ,because of the warm happy feeling of that first 5 or 6 lashes in rapid thrusts she was easy ,hadn't laid into me at all ,but I kinda was thinking 🤔, what is my no on this about ,sound ? Cuts ? Permanently scared ? Or something that was in my past ..but after being a sub for mon cherri in Atlanta and knowing and learning how to communicate properly with a dom made me a better sub ..and the sub pretty much calls the shots so 🤷. But its up to a dom to know what your subs limits are and ive had subs get overly high and ask for more when it was already tearing skin and sometimes bringing it back as a dom is whats needed, and re communicate what the don'ts are..lol sometimes subs change the whole entire session around and personally until im not in the moment, id rather discuss it not while we're playing..thats me personally..

[Mr****]

Ooo someone remind me to come back to this in 2 hours when I’m not driving. Because as a pleasure dom who has almost always had people pleaser subs I have so much to say.

[be****]

That line is very blurry I imagine lol

[je****]

From a man’s point of view The line is not that burry, unless only only want sex. A true dom/sub requires trust, friendship and attraction. But the first need to be earned on both sides. Meaning you already know each others and their desires. Then you need only safe words for when ones get to excited and doesn’t see the signs to back off

[61****]

Be in tune and read the room 😌

[Ba****]

4 hours ago, jersey-city88878 said:

From a man’s point of view The line is not that burry, unless only only want sex. A true dom/sub requires trust, friendship and attraction. But the first need to be earned on both sides. Meaning you already know each others and their desires. Then you need only safe words for when ones get to excited and doesn’t see the signs to back off

How and where does being „a man“ add anything to a point of view on this topic??
How and where does „only wanting sex“ change anything relevant here??

As i understood this topic from a sadist‘s perspective would be „how to not push someone, who is actively hiding and pushing their own limits to please you, past their limits??“

Safewords are not some omnipotent selfcasting magic, they are a very specific tool for a very specific purpose, it’s quite easy to accidentally set them up in a way that can be between discouraging their use up to straight up coercive, they don’t do anything for people who don’t use them which is part of the problem with them in this context
How would you set up safewords with someone who has both selfish and selfless motivations to not use them and potentially high on their own brain by the time they are supposed to use them??

[ja****]

This implies that sadists don't have self-control or that the ultimate expression of every sadist is vicious ***ous and monstrous. I understand now that like especially for young people the idea that all men are actually barely contained werewolves but it's not true.

[Se****]

"But when does devotion turn into self-neglect?"

I call this toxic sacrifice, where you essentially set aside your wellbeing, comfort or needs to please another. I had a former submissive that would often put herself last to please those around her at her own detriment. Agreeing to things that she didn't want to do simply to please me or others.

This is not how this thing we do works. We all have our limits which need healthy boundaries in place to ensure no one pushes past said limits unless consented to do so.

I tell my current submissive that when we do things such as impact play, that it is for her pleasure first, I get my pleasure from her enjoying what I am doing to her. Most importantly, as a bottom she is not a failure for using her safe word or not being able to "take more ***" but rather quite the opposite.

We must remember that devotion is a two way street and that the Dominant/Top/Sadist is just as demoted to their submissive/bottom/people pleaser as they are to them. Also, you must always be devoted to yourself and your own well-being first and foremost.

[Ra****]

Definitely a matter of knowing yourself and your limits - plus having accountability/responsibility in knowing & respecting your partner’s feelings/limits.

Communication is essential from both sides- before it crosses a line and becomes uncomfortable territory (or worse). Exploring where you each draw your line is both exciting and challenging when handled well.

I know this is pretty basic 101 in terms of the exploration of power dynamics, but it’s still something that constantly needs to be considered. Whether it’s comprehensive discussion or the implementation of a safe word, effective communication is paramount.

[ja****]

Also I would like to point out that just because someone's a people pleaser doesn't mean that they are masochistic or put up with actual ***.

[ri****]

Yesterday at 10:47 AM, jaxnorth said:

Also I would like to point out that just because someone's a people pleaser doesn't mean that they are masochistic or put up with actual ***.

💯 I happen to be a people pleaser (for those I care about/for) but I also have sadistic tendencies 😂

[Deleted Member]

Sounds complicated