But the author came up with all this. It didn't come from ChatGPT or something. There's a real-life human desiring all this! This is not "wild". This is more like the author needs medical help before he hurts someone (if that hasn't happened yet). I'm very understanding and forgiving when it comes Read more… to crimes and the overall human "dark side," but this was too much even for me.

I wish there were no background in this huge 12-chapter story. In that case, I could make up one and calm down. But there was a background here. Four male friends (the author knows nothing about friendship, that's for sure, and it makes total sense) live together in a rented house somewhere in the Read more… US. Then one of them gets into financial trouble (no *** at all, right?), and another one offers to lend him *** in exchange for being a "house slave boy" for one year (never explaining what it was and tricking the victim into thinking that it was something like a housemaid). They signed a contract of some sort. All three end up raping the victim that same night (and every time they could moving forward). The criminals ***d the victim out of his (paid) bedroom to live in an inhumane environment and fed him food mixed with their urine from a pet bowl. Every time the victim objected, they "punished" it with a severe beating. I fast-forwarded to the last pages of the 12th chapter. Apparently, the victim paid back the debt, but the criminals never planned to stick to the contract, so nothing changed. When the victim fled and started a new life in another house, the criminals sold "the right of ownership" to a new criminal who went to live in the same house as the victim and continued with the same ***. The story ends basically by stating that the victim never got away.

Never. Unless it's Uber, where the app tracks the order, my location, etc. I'm pretty consistent in my distrust.
If anyone offers me a ride, I will definitely refuse, even if I have to walk for miles. On the other hand, no one ever offered, so I'm safe (unlike my ego, if there is one). By the way, Read more… you can see the previous statement as a metaphorical description of my kinky experience.

Going totally off-topic, I would say that I agree but only partially. Experiencing things together may not build any trust at all. I experienced a lot with many people, but most people in my life never cared whether I trusted them or not and, as a result, broke trust for any reason or without. Read more… Therefore, I would put it like this: when people are willing(!) to trust each other, experiencing things together tests the strength of their will and keeps trust from faltering. If a person doesn't care whether you trust them, you can experience anything together, and they still betray that trust in the end. I'll also add that I never figured out how to make people care whether I trust them or not. Hence another reason to not trust anyone.

Did you trust them from the start? Or did it take time to start trusting? And how much time it took to build that trust if you didn't have it initially.

I don't think that only the submissive is at risk per se. Many people get harmed in all sorts of ways that are not even related to any kinks whatsoever. However, I'm not concerned about the risks dominant partners have because this is not who I am. If I were to speculate, dominant partners are Read more… primarily at risk of ending up in jail, but there may be more to it. Again, I never thought about that, TBH. I mean, I don't see how that can help me; I don't plan to dominate anyone any time soon.
I'm not trying to "reinvent the wheel." It's more like me trying to figure out how exactly the "wheel" works and if I can use it.

That's kinda poetic. lol
I don't think I'm afraid to die, though. I've had suicidal thoughts since my ***age years and was never scared of that. Fun fact, those thoughts helped me to push through because I always knew that no matter how bad things were, I still had this "way out." What I'm afraid Read more… of is a ***ful death.

True. I might've been "born this way," but unfortunately, we'll never know. My parents made sure of it.

Doesn't it make you sick? Don't you hate what he did to you and what you became because of that? Wouldn't you want to get rid of that part of your personality?
And the main question (that my therapist keeps bringing up) is, "Did you ever forgive him for what he did to 'embrace' this part of Read more… yourself?"

Thank you! I have both a psychiatrist and a therapist. Though, I kinda avoid bringing up this topic much, TBH. I'm extremely NOT proud of this side of my personality, to put it mildly. But you are right about triggering. Once, I heard a guy at the party saying something like, "I need to find a sub Read more… to make me sandwiches." I got so horrified I couldn't breathe, literally. However, it's obvious that I already missed the 40 yo deadline to figure all this stuff out. Nonetheless, I need to resolve this entire mess. I can't go on like this for the rest of my life.

English is not my native, so the "spy games" may have a different meaning for you. I meant an engagement when one asks all sorts of contradicting questions over a long period to make the other one "trip" and make contradicting statements. I did that a lot. It mostly didn't end well, though.