Does BDSM necessarily involve ***, *** and sex?

[Deleted Member]

Hi to everyone.

I am Dominant male, and always prefer to be in charge of things and I get very attached to Submissive girls who love to take orders and be controlled by their partner.

But I am not a sadist, I don't like to cause *** or to humiliate my partner.

Also in sex I prefer soft and slow rather then hard.  but I do expect my girl to be completely submissive and do any thing I would want in bad.

Is this still can be called a BDSM relationship?

 

[meelo_coco]

of course bdsm is very personal thats the beauty of it

[ey****]

yes, absolutely - completely.

People who only think BDSM involves *** (or ***) etc are looking narrow.

Of course, their relationship can only be about that and that's fine.

 

The beauty and constrain of BDSM is it's a large umbrella which a lot of people with different preferences get dragged under.

[Si****]

In my opinion yes. A BDSM relationship is defined only by the boundaries set down by the parties involved. You might not enjoy administering *** (sometimes because you subconsciously accept that this isn't what your bottom enjoys) so instead you might use tickling as a funishment implement You may not enjoy hard banging sex but instead go very slow and sensual and perhaps deny your bottom an orgasm for as long as possible You might think that choking and breath play are too dangerous but instead scare her with the "thought" of a hard slap around the face and just that thought alone could make her wet. That's the beauty of BDSM, that there are so many buttons to push and levers to lift up (and the fact that no one can come around and say Hey, if you push that button it's not BDSM anymore.)

[Deleted Member]

D/s relationships are about control - what you do with that control is up to you as the Dominant - within the scope of your agreement. 

Dont fall into the stereotype traps - be yourself. 

Heels 👠👠

[Deleted Member]

well as you know BD :Bondage and discipline. DS: Dominance and submission. So its up to you to apply the intensity of both discipline. You are more like a Daddy type role, kind and cuddy but also firm when its necessary. Sadism is a very different discipline and can only be done by experienced, controlled person. So yes its still part of bdsm.

[MasterFNG]

Kink or any relationship is how you and your partner define it. If it doesn't fit into others Tittles or labels.. then who cares? It only matters what you and your partner consent to... what both of you want the relationship to be. The level and intensity of Kink with depend on what you both enjoy and that may even fluctuate over time.

[Deleted Member]

Though I agree you can do bdsm without ***, *** or being rough. Thought I might couter argue a little to get some ideas going 😛

So if you aren't doing these things, how would it be any different from vanilla sex? What type of things are you wanting her to do?

Edited May 5, 2018 by Deleted Member

[Deleted Member]

8 hours ago, Foxter said:

Though I agree you can do bdsm without ***, *** or being rough. Thought I might couter argue a little to get some ideas going 😛

So if you aren't doing these things, how would it be any different from vanilla sex? What type of things are you wanting her to do?

I am looking for a complete submission from my sub.

Trusting me completely without any question or doubt.

In sex this means, she has to entrust me with her body.

And do what I ask her to do, If this mean to rub my penis in a fancy restaurant under the table or  to walk out side with a butt plug in her (It is more kinky rather then humiliating because no one knows).

Sure, I dominate her and she submits to me but there is no *** involved, no *** or sex focused relationship.

You could argue and say that this is a kinky vanilla relationship and not a BDSM. and you might me right.

This was the point of my question.

Because I am looking for a submissive girl in the BDSM community and I feel that I don't belong exactly here.

I had a submissive GF and this was the most satisfying relationship I have ever had.

Feeling her submitting herself to me was very empowering experience which I can't forget now.

 

So, How can I define my self in BDSM terms?

I wish to understand what I am so I could search for the appropriate Submissive. 

[3S****]

You're probably a master looking for a sexual slave?

 

I'd also not put too much emphasis on labels as many people get confused to what they mean, they tend to more generalise and not be too exact unless you add more words to them. I say i'm looking for a submissive guy who is into feet, that's still a generalisation but it doesn't rule out anyone i'm interested in, if i start making myself more exact i could potentially put off the type of person i'm looking for. So i put in my profile what else i'm interested in and other ways i'd like to bond with people, then i chat to those who respond in a way where i feel compatible. I don't look at any of these people as potential relationships either. I think we'll either hit it off or not and my priority is enjoying their time and company. Any relationships i have will be slow burners and take time to develop, there's no rush to be in one for me.

 

[Harry0803]

I don't think it need to be involved *** except your partner want to be or request for. I'd prefer tie my partner but for fun only,  not involve any *** or tickle. 

[Mo****]

On 5/3/2018 at 10:38 AM, DalekSec said:

Hi to everyone.

I am Dominant male, and always prefer to be in charge of things and I get very attached to Submissive girls who love to take orders and be controlled by their partner.

But I am not a sadist, I don't like to cause *** or to humiliate my partner.

Also in sex I prefer soft and slow rather then hard.  but I do expect my girl to be completely submissive and do any thing I would want in bad.

Is this still can be called a BDSM relationship?

 

There's a Fetlife group called "Gentle Doms and sensuous subs".  They focus on BDSM without ***. 

It's definitely possible.  relationships are more D/s.  Play is where the BDSM comes in.  You don't have to tick off all the letters, just stick with the BD.  Or maybe just give her the "D".

 

;)