Head trauma

[Fe****]

A few years ago I was attacked with a hammer. I sustained minor injuries around my temple and bruising around my skull. The over all *** was 4/10 in my experience, but the damage changed me. Some things are easier, like making fast decisions and judgments. A lot of things are just off or slower. Most days I either find myself in a borderline euphoria, the air around me feels like warm honey and the colors seem to have a golden hue, or tint to them. On other days though moving my neck feels like grinding stones, my lower back *** keeps me nearly bedbound and my depression and anxiety are off the charts. I still enjoy kink, but i feel like I can't provide the experience that a submissive partner deserves, due to my brain.
I am honestly curious if anyone else has experienced anything like this.

[ai****]

I actually relate to this a lot, although my experiences come more from psychological trauma rather than a physical brain ***. I feel like trauma has completely changed the way my brain works and how I experience things. I go through periods where I feel almost euphoric or manic, become extremely impulsive, and deliberately put myself in dangerous situations, sometimes even recreating situations similar to my past trauma. It’s almost like I’m drawn to the very things that have hurt me, even when I know how badly they could end. Then there are periods where I can barely get out of bed, isolate myself, and feel completely disconnected from everything. It’s like constantly switching between wanting to experience everything, even the dangerous things, and wanting to experience absolutely nothing.
I also relate to what you said about kink and feeling like your brain gets in the way of being the partner you want to be. I have a complicated relationship with ***, intimacy, and feeling safe, and sometimes it’s difficult to separate what I genuinely enjoy from what I’ve learned to associate with comfort because of my past.
I know our circumstances aren’t exactly the same, but I wanted to share because I understand how isolating it can feel when your own mind seems to work against you. I hope you know that struggling with these things doesn’t mean you’re incapable of giving someone a meaningful experience or connection. You deserve that same patience and understanding from a partner, too. I really hope you’re able to find some relief and people who understand you. ❤️

[Diesellover]

Have you looked into Mast Cell Activation Syndrome. It can often be triggered after a head ***. Triggers inflammation could it’s gene turned on or viral triggered could be many things. Coffee with dr Stewart has a lot of interesting info on it.

[en****]

I've also had head trauma, but it sounds like our symptoms are vastly different. I struggle to remember details, like names and specific details, as well as occasionally forgetting hours of time on any given day. It's definitely rough, and depression has definitely been worse since then. Very cliche answer, but therapy has definitely helped for the emotional/mental aspect.