The Dom in my Head

[an****]

They speak of *** as though it always leaves bruises.

Mine never did.

Mine whispered.

It told me I was never enough, only almost.

Almost worthy.
Almost chosen.
Almost safe.

So I learned to run without moving.

To calculate every word before I spoke it.

To replay every conversation until I found another mistake to correct.

To love before I was loved.
To give before I was asked.
To apologize before I had done anything wrong.

People called it kindness.

I called it survival.

The bite was never anger.

The bite was believing that rest was dangerous.

That silence meant abandonment.

That love could disappear the moment I stopped earning it.

So I sharpened myself against impossible standards until every achievement only bought me permission to try harder tomorrow.

No one saw the war.

They only saw someone who cared too much.

Who worked too hard.

Who smiled too often.

Who somehow still believed they hadn't done enough.

Who believed they could optimize enough, understand enough, communicate well enough, work hard enough, or love deeply enough, that all rejections (real or fake) could just be erased with a little more effort.

Softness did not arrive when the world became gentle.

It arrived the first time I let myself exist without asking permission.

The first time I stopped chasing the validation that kept me alive long enough to forget I was never living.

Now I know this:

The greatest *** was never what happened to me.

It was the life I built trying to convince myself that I was enough.

And the greatest act of love is starting to finally put down my own teeth.

[Darkism88]

All that is required is a whispered word.

[Un****]

Not to undermined anything. I want to say respect. I got into the community and lifestyle from a person I thought trusted. They manipulated me in every way possible until there was only one way to live and that was on my own. Now I make sure subs are in a space of trust and respect. Where as I was never in an environment that would allow me to do that. Thank you for sharing. It helps know that we are all living separate lives and on the same path as well.

[yo****]

This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing. It resonates with me. ❤️

[Ki****]

Great writing