Dangerous Postings

[Leisa]

Over the last week or so I’ve read and responded to some posts from experienced members that are not accurate and are in fact irresponsible. It is our responsibility as more experienced members of this lifestyle and forum to remember our audience and adjust accordingly.
We tell new members to our community that one of the best ways to learn and get to know the lifestyle is to read forum posts. Lately that doesn’t seem the best place to send someone new who may take our words to heart and use them to help guide them along their journey.
Each of us who are experienced have a duty to uphold the standards of this lifestyle. To do otherwise is damaging. I try to read each post through the eyes of not only the experienced but through the fresh eyes of the novice. Many have been self serving diatribes of word vomit. Some may feel that this post is also.
All I’m suggesting is that if we are going to post in the forum as experienced we have a duty to those just coming up. I’d hate to be the one who leads a novice down the wrong path. It’s easy to say that each of us is responsible for our own posts but how many actually take the time to remember that when writing. As a community let’s be uplifting, encouraging, and educational, especially for our less experienced community members.

[Deleted Member]

Yes I have noticed , it’s turned into a kindergarten 🧚🏻‍♀️

[ey****]

sometimes this is one of the advantages of the forums, rather than those who try to do the "DM me for advice" because bad, dangerous, or deliberately misleading, advice can be called out. 

[Deleted Member]

If I comment on a forum asking a question, I always put some form of “in my opinion” or “to me” so it doesn’t come across as what I’m saying is the only ‘proper’ way of doing something. It does feel like some people need to start doing that more when commenting, especially for new people or those new to a kink or fetish they don’t have much experience with.

As a community we should, as you say, be helping each other in a positive, encouraging manner. Not word-vomiting on each other.

[Si****]

It's a tale as old as time on this site. We've seen sub collectors both male and female that collect subs in lobby so flippantly that when we try and advise these subs against it they ignore it. As much as I agree for the duty of the individually experienced to help the beginners, it's the duty and responsibility of the individual to perform their own research and educate themselves rather than listening to the cacophany of contradicting positions under the premise of, "I am experienced ergo...". Even saying this myself stands up in that regard. Conversation is good, but don't put the sum of your knowledge in a subject on some individual on a website: perform your own research and educate yourselves.

[Deleted Member]

54 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

sometimes this is one of the advantages of the forums, rather than those who try to do the "DM me for advice" because bad, dangerous, or deliberately misleading, advice can be called out. 

I have to agree with eyem here, Leisa. In the nearly 2 years I've been here, people have always done what you talk about. They're not going to stop here or anywhere else because you or I or anyone else says they can't write as they wish.

I think it's safer to have it out in the open where they can be challenged. Where anyone reading can see what they're made of. How they respond to other opinions and criticism. It's a forum, it's not a lecture series where the posts have the status of unassailable fact.

[Sir-Taz]

Despite what some people think this life style/choice is ever changing and even the most experienced can still learn things

[Deleted Member]

There are already a number that stand up to ***s and incorrect information that are mentioned. Great that you are joining predecessors. Hopefully more will see the light and those responsible will show their place. It is everyone's responsibility to keep it tidy and safe.

[Deleted Member]

The great think about the forum posts is that they allow comments and discussion underneath where ppl can call posters out on BS ideas and claims. That, I think, does a good job in ensuring objectivity.

I think it's every adult on here's responsibility to read and then think, not just take someone's opinion as gospel because they claim to have experience.

[Deleted Member]

Just now, Lady_Char said:

The great think about the forum posts is that they allow comments and discussion underneath where ppl can call posters out on BS ideas and claims. That, I think, does a good job in ensuring objectivity.

I think it's every adult on here's responsibility to read and then think, not just take someone's opinion as gospel because they claim to have experience.

Sunlight! 😁

[Leisa]

1 hour ago, FreeUrMind said:

There are already a number that stand up to ***s and incorrect information that are mentioned. Great that you are joining predecessors. Hopefully more will see the light and those responsible will show their place. It is everyone's responsibility to keep it tidy and safe.

I’m unsure how to take your comment. Joining predecessors? I’ve been writing in the forum for almost two years as both a writer and a responder with hundreds of postings. I’ve offered to take lass experienced members under my wing to point them in the direction where they can find the information they seek and be there if things blow up around them. If you do not mind, please explain what you meant.

[Deleted Member]

24 minutes ago, Leisa said:

I’m unsure how to take your comment. Joining predecessors? I’ve been writing in the forum for almost two years as both a writer and a responder with hundreds of postings. I’ve offered to take lass experienced members under my wing to point them in the direction where they can find the information they seek and be there if things blow up around them. If you do not mind, please explain what you meant.

You've always done this Leisa, I've been here to see it! 👏🏻

[Leisa]

3 hours ago, Dragonflylover said:

You've always done this Leisa, I've been here to see it! 👏🏻

Thank you. I thought so.

[Catsailor69]

Leisa I completely agree that we have a responsibility to honestly and responsibly offer our own monitoring and guidance to others here on the forums. Our community has in the past, had true training and mentoring for anyone who wanted to explore and experience the lifestyle. So many now, are able to come online and grasp an understanding of things without experiencing any of them.
The risk i find in that over what was done in the past, and that I’ve seen in some posts, are the safety considerations and preparation as well as the statement of the risks and consequences of a kink act.
Sure, almost all can learn how to tie knots around body parts with a rope or dribble hot wax on skin.
I’ve seen some posts that honestly, never suggested seeking an in person training before trying it. We who have experience, do owe it to a healthy, safe and many years to come, enjoyment of the lifestyle, to speak up and add some responsible knowledge and caution on the erring posts.
Thank you for creating this topic.

[Hy****]

While I agree with what's said, we also don't owe anyone this. Remembering to look after yourself, and then looking out for others is very important and often overlooked by the empethitic.

[Leisa]

5 hours ago, PuppetMasterC said:

While I agree with what's said, we also don't owe anyone this. Remembering to look after yourself, and then looking out for others is very important and often overlooked by the empethitic.

Seems rather selfish

[sm****]

I tend to direct newbies to forums, and sections I think will more answer their particular question/s, and have a more reliable answer ,but in forums it's open to more people to view and the advice is usually for the good, As wannabee uber experts tend to be caught out and called out more and refrain from answering forum posts. 

Iv'e seen in the chatroom in the past some really bad advice given out to newbies, but chatrooms turned into a personality contest and some very dubious advice handed out and being backed up because they don't want to fall out of the clique, There are some excellent people on there who will call bad advice out as well as give their reasons why it's bad.

Sadly yes as i spend more time just viewing forums now I have noticed more "narcissistic, im sick of hearing these questions" posts.  They forget everyone including they were new to the scene once and relied on correct advice to keep them safe.

 

I have and always will advise newbies to attend local r/l munches if they can, and not rely on what can quickly turn in to pure fantasy land of the tinternet.  Where you will get a more grounded advice and understanding.

Edited October 29, 2021 by smeagol
additional info.

[Hy****]

27 minutes ago, Leisa said:

Seems rather selfish

Being in quite a few discord communities, I find there are so many new people wanting to learn, talking to them individually just isn't energy efficient (and we've only got so much to give). That's why I made a podcast and teach classes on what I know. And it's not that if someone messages me with a question I ignore them, it's just I don't trawl the forums seeking to answer and clarify everything I can.

[ey****]

I think that - trying some of the above comments together.

So myself personally, whilst someone who is online a lot, I like wisdom of crowds.  I don't have the time or resource to have an inbox kink surgery - but on forums I will contribute where I can.

I do think looking after yourself is often a priority, you can't pour from an empty jug

I blog as well - advice topics can sometimes be tricky or sometimes reactionary - I have been doing some for *** Garden which are geared towards a lot more of the novice and newbie level - and I think on my own blog the last couple of advice blogs I did were from questions I was asked I felt others could benefit from.

There are a lot of people on forums with different opinions and takes and I think it's good people can contribute when they've time - but - yeah, our own time is important.   

I think this is why it's often more important to encourage people to forum post rather than opening ourselves up as any form of guru and then finding we've not got the time.