Deleted Member Posted November 1, 2021 Posted November 1, 2021 You have posted up your list of traits that a potential suitor must posses. You have thrown down the gauntlet and outlined exactly what hoops they must jump through, what you expect from them, and how they will fail if they don't fulfill them all. Then what? I would suggest you take a close look at yourself to make sure you are worth it. Saying you are doesn't make it so, neither does shouting it from the rooftops at every opportunity. It takes honesty, real honesty not ego, to be able to do that. Regardless of if you are expecting your wish list to be fulfilled by a submissive or a dominant, you owe it to them to ensure you are. From what I have seen so far most of these lists are the result of passive aggressive acting out, or at worst narcissistic diatribe for the benefit of appearance. We all have our ideals, yet giving out public checklists and demands will deter those possessing them from even approaching. Being the type of person they are, they will see right through them.
ge**** Posted November 1, 2021 Posted November 1, 2021 Whilst I see some of your logic, I do think it can also come down to perception over whether something is a demand or a hoop to be jumped through, or simply something that has found its way into a profile or messages as a deterrent to the undesirables - something that has been put there in the (often vain) hope that the type of person that thinks they merely have to sign up to get to meet people, may stop and think before messaging. Sure it can be counter-productive and come across as demanding and ranty but sadly it's often been bought about by countless inappropriate messages and assumptions from others to the point where the profile owner changes their stance as a means of self-protection. So in some instances it's not a case of whether they are worth it, as opposed to they truly are worth it, you just have to be a decent enough person to find your way through their defences.
ey**** Posted November 1, 2021 Posted November 1, 2021 I think at a simple level If you read through someone's pre-requisites and think "this person is narcissistic, isn't worth it, so on" - then you've saved both of you time because it's established you're not a match Most of the people who have different pre-requisites are not normally the people complaining no one message/matches with them.
Cheekysub247 Posted November 1, 2021 Posted November 1, 2021 My profile has a list for what im looking for, its basic, says age range, distance, 'label' ect. Its simply so (hopefully) the person seeing it can say "ok...im 20yrs old and live 200m away, im not what this person is looking for" Its there to help, so there is info straight away. I by no means think im 'all that' that i need a list lol. Its just there to help 😊 Some of it is a rant because there is a constant stream of people who insist on sending a dick pic and a crude message/fantasy ect, so i add thats not what im looking for too. Some profiles might be as you say from someone who thinks they are 'perfect' but please dont think they all are because there are lists. 😊😊
Deleted Member Posted November 1, 2021 Author Posted November 1, 2021 Of course I don't know what kind of lists you are referring to exactly, but in terms of giving a general outline of expectations I agree with Cheekysub247. The issue with (or for some perhaps the interesting part of) online dating is the fact that information about the other person is spoon-fed. Meeting someone in person clarifies so many things all at once: looks, voice, attitude, scent to name some. But most importantly, you know very quickly whether the person makes you feel safe and is strong or *** or whatever it is you are looking for in your company. Mentioning things that are important to you in a profile most likely is the desperate attempt to create a slightly similar experience online by offering a kind of filter. Whether it works is unclear of course. Thank you for your post, this is why I love this website, it makes you think and question.
Deleted Member Posted November 1, 2021 Author Posted November 1, 2021 @Cheekysub247 @gemini_man Thank you for your comments, and I agree with you completely about building a deterrent towards unwanted/inappropriate approaches. That is an unfortunate by-product of online forums. Attracting someone who you feel will be a good match can be a lottery, my post was about that creating a list of your "favourite things" is different from an exhaustive list of requirements. Just an observation, and not a judgement.
CopperKnob Posted November 1, 2021 Posted November 1, 2021 13 hours ago, gemini_man said: Whilst I see some of your logic, I do think it can also come down to perception over whether something is a demand or a hoop to be jumped through, or simply something that has found its way into a profile or messages as a deterrent to the undesirables - something that has been put there in the (often vain) hope that the type of person that thinks they merely have to sign up to get to meet people, may stop and think before messaging. Sure it can be counter-productive and come across as demanding and ranty but sadly it's often been bought about by countless inappropriate messages and assumptions from others to the point where the profile owner changes their stance as a means of self-protection. So in some instances it's not a case of whether they are worth it, as opposed to they truly are worth it, you just have to be a decent enough person to find your way through their defences. Agreed, my profile may not have a 'list' but it is pretty obnoxious, not as obnoxious as it has been in the past, but obnoxious nonetheless and absolutely spot on, it's simply to deter the type of people i'm not looking to connect with. If it deters those that are so be it, but it's most definitely a protective factor
Deleted Member Posted November 1, 2021 Author Posted November 1, 2021 10 minutes ago, CopperKnob said: Agreed, my profile may not have a 'list' but it is pretty obnoxious, not as obnoxious as it has been in the past, but obnoxious nonetheless and absolutely spot on, it's simply to deter the type of people i'm not looking to connect with. If it deters those that are so be it, but it's most definitely a protective factor Yours is easy to decipher as in protective mode CK, and not the target of my OP
CopperKnob Posted November 1, 2021 Posted November 1, 2021 Just now, TheScribe said: Yours is easy to decipher as in protective mode CK, and not the target of my OP Yet again, called out for being too ***y obvious 🙄
Deleted Member Posted November 1, 2021 Author Posted November 1, 2021 I don't think mine lists what I'm looking for at all. It doesn't really say all that much about me either 🤣 It's a challenge to the right person, and deliberately intimidating (I hope, and I have been told) to others ... Which is what I'm going for.
Deleted Member Posted November 1, 2021 Author Posted November 1, 2021 1 hour ago, CopperKnob said: Yet again, called out for being too ***y obvious 🙄 You have your reasons, and no ones business but your own x
Je**** Posted November 1, 2021 Posted November 1, 2021 Sounds like you have had a bit of a bad experience with someone who thought they were all that in their profile? No idea what some of this means if it's just talk sake or referencing something?! But, like some of the other ladies have said, I agree I've listed things I do and don't like, along with a bit of an intimidating "Don't appraoch me with this or else!" (I'll block), to try and deter any unwanted weirdness from 'unpolite creatures' lets say. But alas, not even that seems to work. Mine is very blunt now. It may make people think I'm miserable and to keep away, but someone who is genuine and reads between the lines or wants to know me, will do so. But I also think profiles are very important as a first impression to someone, (besides the attraction to a photo) and as someone else said, if the written content makes you go "ugh" then that saves you both time. But there are some profiles that are very 'uppety' that I wouldn't feel comfy approaching personally. Even in a friendly way lol
Deleted Member Posted November 1, 2021 Author Posted November 1, 2021 14 minutes ago, JenniferTP said: Sounds like you have had a bit of a bad experience with someone who thought they were all that in their profile? No idea what some of this means if it's just talk sake or referencing something?! But, like some of the other ladies have said, I agree I've listed things I do and don't like, along with a bit of an intimidating "Don't appraoch me with this or else!" (I'll block), to try and deter any unwanted weirdness from 'unpolite creatures' lets say. But alas, not even that seems to work. Mine is very blunt now. It may make people think I'm miserable and to keep away, but someone who is genuine and reads between the lines or wants to know me, will do so. But I also think profiles are very important as a first impression to someone, (besides the attraction to a photo) and as someone else said, if the written content makes you go "ugh" then that saves you both time. But there are some profiles that are very 'uppety' that I wouldn't feel comfy approaching personally. Even in a friendly way lol No bad experience Jennifer...a profile of that nature would preclude me from bothering regardless of the pretty pics.
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