My thoughts

[Strix]

I've been thinking, am I too giving of myself? Do I expect too much from people I'm interested in, then when I don't get anywhere do I rely on others?

These are my questions which have been on my mind.

I then start wondering am I another obstacle to deal with, in my own making, am I then working against myself to start learning who I am? Is me being a caregiver, preventing me to help myself? Do I give of myself too much to then receive too little from myself? How do I work on giving little of me and gaining something back at same time, or do I just stop giving so much of me? If anyone knows the answers feel free to reply

Edited December 4, 2021 by Strix

[ge****]

It's an interesting and complex dilemma to which there is no single answer. Give too much of yourself and people will walk all over you, give too little and it won't get you very far.

As someone who pretty much always puts others before myself and my needs it's something I have, and do, struggle with, and leads to conflicts at times when trying to please everyone.

I think ultimately you have to try and find a balance where you have a set of principles of self that you stick to, but don't allow that to completely put you first.

One thing though, your comment about expecting too much from people you are interested in, I think it very much depends - if it's unknown people on an Internet site that you are interested in, then your expectations of that interest being reciprocated etc should be set very low, if it's someone you know well and where the interest is mutual then obviously the level of expectation you have of them can gradually start to grow.

Generally speaking though, it's OK to have a sense of self, and even to put yourself first, but there is also a fine line between doing that and being selfish so you need to find that balance.

[ey****]

Something I've often said - relying on other people leads to disappointment.

I don't mean this in a pessimist or nihilist kinda way - but that, you cannot control people's responses or what they can or can't do for you.

Everyone - subs, Dominants, littles, caregivers, etc. none of us can pour from an empty jug - before we start we need to look at what we can do for our own happiness, health and wellbeing which doesn't rely on someone else.