Popular Post fl**** Posted April 20, 2022 Popular Post Posted April 20, 2022 i’m really interested when it comes to this lifestyle i have a lot of respect for it but i sometimes feel as if i’m not a real sub or not part of this community bc i don’t really like the sexual parts of the bdsm. i do have a sex drive and like to masturbate but i don’t tbh want to have anything with anyone going on and i don’t have any bad experience with sex it’s just that it’s never something i needed.. i’m more into the emotional stuff building a friendship but still on a bdsm basis. i noticed that this is what i love about this community. the patience, caring for someone, admiration, respect them…. i just want all of the bdsm experience but without the sexual stuff and i feel like i’m alone and no one gets it and also wants the same that’s why i believe that there is no one for me and i might as well just ignore my needs about this one if no one can fulfill them.
Deleted Member Posted April 21, 2022 Posted April 21, 2022 I feel the same. I just want a genuine connection with someone
Deleted Member Posted April 21, 2022 Posted April 21, 2022 Damn reading this really hit home, just wanted to say I really relate to how you feel and that you’re not alone I’ve had the same internal struggles and thoughts. It’s cool you’re open about it and you put some of my thoughts into words
Monsoon Posted April 21, 2022 Posted April 21, 2022 It sounds like your looking for love which is wonderful an kudos to you. And I'm only speaking as an amateur. But the reason the community feels that way at least to me. Is each and every single one has had some sort of epiphany with themselves and partners which took understanding, trust, even difficult moments to make it a safe caring community. And even though some of the members are straight horn balls. The ones who make it feel homey you can say are the ones that love the lifestyle to the fullest and embrace it. But the bdsm experience is a sensual thing. But I may be wrong that is a question for the pros. I just stated my opinion
Deleted Member Posted April 21, 2022 Posted April 21, 2022 You mean you are an individual? Heaven forbid! I do not consider myself defined by any silly definitions of what a Dom is. It is what I feel it is for Me. I didn't read "the book" because the author of the book didn't ask me what My definition was. Just be you and don't apologise for being you. I laugh anytime I see idiots mentioning "fake doms" (or "real subs") as if they were cast in 24 carat pure dom/sub gold. Human sexuality and psychology is extremely diverse so don't feel you need to fit some idiotic molding defined by others. If it's more emotional for you than sexual then that's what it is for you. Enjoy!
Deleted Member Posted April 21, 2022 Posted April 21, 2022 Definition and boxes to fit into don’t allow for growth..
JA**** Posted April 21, 2022 Posted April 21, 2022 I'm my personal opinion, sex doesn't always define a sub anyway, and feel that sometimes submitting emotionally can be even harder than submitting physically. Even though I have quite a high sex drive myself, my Master really helps me to connect more emotionally than I ever could before through our play, and helps me break barriers ive had up for quite a long time. So I understand what you're saying 💜
Deleted Member Posted April 21, 2022 Posted April 21, 2022 BDSM stands for Bondage, Domination, SadoMasochism, it doesn't mention sex & it doesn't have to be about sex. There are many that BDSM & sex don't co-exist, that practice BDSM without having sex. There is no rule that says you must have sex if you are dom/sub, that is your choice, that's your perogative. Now does this limit your options, we'll yes, as there are many that do want sex to be a part of their BDSM relationship but that's them not you. It doesn't mean you are any less of a sub than anyone else, it doesn't mean you don't fit & belong in this lifestyle, it just means your needs are different to the needs of others & you shouldn't compare or judge yourself on others needs, just focus on your needs & whilst your needs are different, you are not alone, sex not being your focus doesn't exclude you from this lifestyle & doesn't mean you can't find a dom to suit your needs, it just might take a bit more effort. As a suggestion maybe look in to the BDSM meets, munchies & local clubs & explore that avenue, as in many, there isn't that sexual eliment & is purely down to BDSM.
Cu**** Posted April 21, 2022 Posted April 21, 2022 As others have said, your desires, needs and fantasies are yours, and not for anyone else to question. You decide what you want. You decide which parts of a bdsm lifestyle are attractive to you. Stick firm with your beliefs in what you seek, and you only submit when you feel that you’re being fully understood. Who’s in charge of you? You are. Best wishes.
Ch**** Posted April 21, 2022 Posted April 21, 2022 I can just agree with the others. There is no pre-defined link between kink/bdsm and sex. You and your partner will define what their needs are and their expectations and what consensual agreement will satisfy both of you. For me it’s the same with ropes. Kinbaku (Bondage) doesn’t include sex for me. For others it might do. It’s all about finding a match and that’s not even close to impossible because you exclude sex :)
Deleted Member Posted April 21, 2022 Posted April 21, 2022 I believe there is definitely someone out there who is just right for you. I see it as like Yin and Yang, the reason we have our desires is because there is someone out there that has desires to fulfill our needs and our desires fulfill their needs. I think most of us on here are hoping to find our BDSM soulmate one day so to speak so don't give up and you'll always have lots of friends on here!
Lord_Talion Posted April 22, 2022 Posted April 22, 2022 If you like to enjoy the lifestyle without a partner you could be a fetishist.
Mosquitor Posted April 24, 2022 Posted April 24, 2022 I find an emotional connection is crucial for good sex, including BDSM and role play. I have to at least have bonded with the person in a meaningful way and trust them 100%.
Ma**** Posted April 29, 2022 Posted April 29, 2022 Sex is not required, but most of ppl enjoy it, you just need to find someone up for that
Deleted Member Posted May 7, 2022 Posted May 7, 2022 Well I didn’t have sex with my sub at first but I guess im too much for him.then he only wanted to be my boyfriend and im looking for a sub who will fully submit to me sex doesn’t matter I like the thrill I get out of it its very the***utic to me and he took that from our relationship.So I do understand.
ur**** Posted June 3, 2022 Posted June 3, 2022 It’s a lifestyle but it still based on consent you should always b respectful about others wishes feel free to message and talk more if you want
Deleted Member Posted June 3, 2022 Posted June 3, 2022 I feel this in my soul. I want to eventually get to the sex part, but NOT RIGHT AWAY!! Ugh.
Matttster Posted June 21, 2022 Posted June 21, 2022 I feel kink (more expressive then BDSM I think) should be about what works for you and your partner. There are many aspects of kink that do not have to be sexual or physical (note that physical does not have to be sexual as well). You be you! Relationships will include a certain amount of give and take, but a relationship should not push you to change who you are or what you want.
Ch**** Posted June 21, 2022 Posted June 21, 2022 I was wondering if there are others with the same approach. What you wrote is 100 % exactly what I feel. You expressed my feelings and my emotions absolutely right..I don't believe it...... What a pity to be so far away...
ne**** Posted June 29, 2022 Posted June 29, 2022 I am looking for the same thing. While when we get to the sexual side of the relationship I am kinky, but I'm looking for a deeper connection with someone before we get there. I want to get to know someone on a personal, emotional level before getting physical. I think there are a few out there that feel the same way there are a lot more especially my age that are just looking for hookups.
La**** Posted July 2, 2022 Posted July 2, 2022 It sounds like you want a romantic/personal relationship with a dom without the physical sexual aspect. I actually have a relationship like that with a sub. Are you looking for a particular gender?
Jo**** Posted October 2, 2022 Posted October 2, 2022 The reason why you feel your Bdsm needs are NOT connected to sex, although you do like sex is, because being submissive is not a role play for you, it is who you are inside and out. you Don’t need sex to be part of it, because you “need” to be and live as a submissive. In my perception, you would love to be a Bdsm slave, being and feeling truly owned. When you find a man who you can respect and look up to, you will also feel a duty to serve him sexually, and when you do, you will feel sex satisfying, because it is part of your service to your Master, your Owner, your Loved one.
Deleted Member Posted October 4, 2022 Posted October 4, 2022 I totally agree just because you skin to skin contact, or you enjoy having access to all of there skin. Doesn’t mean that it has to be sexual. I don’t believe that physical affection, and skin to skin or tongue to skin, or lips to skin has to be sexual regardless or the persons age or the location on their body. 
Deleted Member Posted December 4, 2022 Posted December 4, 2022 Don’t be ashamed of your preferences, florashelia, they are completely valid. In fact, I sympathize with them. I’ve never felt physical pleasure during sex, but I enjoyed the intimacy nonetheless. I assure you, there are people out there that are content with the emotional aspects of BDSM. In fact, I’ve even seen an asexual kinkster on this app. All that being said, this sort of thing is uncommon, so I can see why you feel hopeless about it. I would simply caution you to not give up and ignore your needs. However outlandish you believe your desires to be, there really is someone out there for you.
Recommended Posts