It depends upon the situation and parties involved. I have friends that do not have dominants and go to clubs or meet with Dons for sessions and aftercare is not part of that. But it is understood at the start.
If you are seeking a Dom for a regular dynamic or serious relationship, there should Read more… be discussions about many things, including after care.
If aftercare is something you expect, make sure you discuss this before hand. Additionally, with the many types of people you may meet claiming to be a dominant, you should build some trust and respect prior to getting to the point where you have a session that would require aftercare, especially if you are in a private setting (not at a club or dungeon).

If he did not want yo share secrets, is that “screwing up”? Admitting he has secrets is being honest.
We all have secrets we either don’t want to share won’t share out of respect of other parties.

In my opinion, BDSM does not have “rules” to comply with. There is no right or wrong, there is what is right or wrong for the people involved.
Rather then watching videos, have a discussion with your partner to learn what their kinks are (in general) and more importantly establish limits.
With Read more… an understanding of your partners and your mutual kinks, you should research to be sure to be safe. Be sure to understand safety involved with kinks.
Once you are comfortable with being sure you can play safely, play and explore. After playing (not immediately) have conversations about the session. Learn from each other and explore more.

I agree with Nylon-Nellie, more information is needed.
In part it will depend upon the people; everyone is different and react different. We all have different backgrounds, different triggers. Do there is no one answer for all people for the same situation.
Regardless, I don’t think it matters if Read more… the Dom failed a test, it is like any other relationship. Be it a dynamic or vanilla. Relationships should be built on trust. If one party in a relationship does something to breakdown some trust, they must work yo regain that trust. Generally, open and honest communication is the first step.

I agree with the others, you are not at fault. Perhaps the guy was just about the conquest, he chased, the harder you ran the more he wanted to conquer. Once he got you, his interest was gone.
One possible thought. Regardless, even if you did something wrong, if he were a mature individual he Read more… would at least discuss what he did not approve of.
I understand it is difficult putting trust in someone, spending over a year getting to know him, than to have him abuse your trust so quickly. Just believe in yourself, learn from the experience and although it will make trusting someone harder in the future, you will have to. Be honest and true to yourself.

Do what you (both) want. Communicate a lot, before, during and after. Experiment and see what works and doesn’t work. There are no rule books about what is right and wrong, it’s about being open to explore what is tight and wrong for you and your partner(s).
Research and be safe. Some things in Read more… kink can cause bodily harm. Be sure to research these things to do them as safely as possible.

To start, I’d suggest not rushing into it and to let things happen naturally. Talk to people, go to munches and events, but I would avoid “seeking a Dom”. Just go to learn and meet people, maybe you will meet someone compatible. Seeking a Dom can attract the wrong sorts of people.
Rather than Read more… testing peoples knowledge about SSC and RACK, get to know them. Personally SSC and RACK are more for events.
Many of my submissive friends have had much more luck finding a partner by looking for a relationship on non-kink related dating sites. Either by just meeting people and talking about kink once they know them a bit, or even making subtle hints in their profile that they are kinky.
Keep in mind that you don’t need to find a “Dom”, rather you just need to find someone with dominant qualities that you can trust and you can learn about kink together.

There used to be a munch in Couer d’Alene, I assume it is still active. There are also a couple of munches as well as events in Spokane. You can find info about them on FetLife.com.
Feel free to message me if you would like. I am not very active in the scene, but know enough to point you in the Read more… right direction.

I think everyone is nervous the first time, regardless of how long you have known each other. I think you will just be nervous.
I would recommend to be sure you talk to your friend about maintain an open line of communication as well as honesty. Discuss each others expectation such as how you Read more… discuss dating others as fwb is typically not exclusive.
Be sure to keep communicating as adding intimacy to a relationship can quickly change how people feel about each other. One woman I met said she could not do fwb because as soon as sex was involved, she would get much stronger feelings and want a relationship rather than fwb.
Good luck, fwb can be a wonderful thing.

As was noted by others, attending local munches and events is a good way to meet like minded people. I have also had friends have success using regular dating apps with subtle comments. But for most it takes time to find the right person (or people). Some of my friends find partners that are Read more… already in the scene and some have found people and introduced them to the scene.
So in general, just get out there and meet people. Me recommendations are to be safe, be honest and open, and to not settle.
Be safe: Date safely by doing things like having first meets are in public places and checking in with a friend at identified times (let your date know this).
Be open and honest: Don’t be shy about what you are looking for in a relationship.
Don’t settle: For most, it takes time to find someone. Keep at it until you find the right person (or people). Don’t give up and settle for someone that you know is not the right person.

We all have different kinks and our kinks change over time. If this is something that intrigues you, find people you trust to explore. The big thing is to explore with people you trust and respect and will respect you and your limits.
Regarding limits, I’d suggest that you establish those with Read more… your partners rather than ask what others do. As you explore, you can update your limits.

In my opinion, the only rules are about consent. Find a partner or partners and explore and find what feels right. Every relationship/dynamic should be different as everyone is unique.

In my view it is abuse. Submission is earned by a Dom through respect and trust. If submission is demanded, it is abuse.
If there are good things that intrigue you about what he has done, research these things than find someone you respect and trust to explore with.
Dump him before things get Read more… worse.

Glass half empty or glass half full. To some an “innocent marriage” is wonderful, just as with the other scenarios.
Yes, life is about choices. But every person as well as every relationship has different results to the same choice. We all are different, this different things bring us joy, Read more… displeasure or pain.
Rather than focus on the choices and the potential negative results, we should make choices to the best of our ability and work at being happy with the choices.
Life is short, and gets shorter every day. We should focus on the positive and make the most of the time we have.

Charming is a common trait of manipulative; not saying that your gentleman is, but something to keep in mind.
I will also note that dominants also push soft limits, so if you were not clear in your conviction (hard limit) of keeping things slow, some pushing is somewhat understandable.
Although Read more… this is the type of thing that should occur once you are in a relationship/dynamic I would think.
So I am apt to agree with the masses and agree with others, he is not RESPECTING the boundaries (limits) that you set. I feel a good relationship and/or dynamic is built on mutual respect. If he is not respecting you, he should not earn your respect.
Communication is also key in a strong relationship. I would suggest opening a conversation with him and being clear about your expectations and concerns. Let him know that if he does not respect your concerns (hard limits) he will not earn your respect.