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Is it wrong?

Ra****

By Ra****
in Kink Academy

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Ra****

Ra****

Posted
What is it with people getting offended when they want to meet up/NSA and you’re willing to but ask for one thing for everyone’s safety and piece of mind. They can’t say it’s hard to get a STI/STD test done because I got one at my local health department for free and had my results within two days.
su****

su****

Posted
Unless both parties have an agreement that they will have sex then don't ask. Just make it clear before you have sex with someone you want to see a clean test. I would be offended if someone assumed I would sleep with them right away
su****

su****

Posted
Unless both parties have an agreement that they will have sex then don't ask. Just make it clear before you have sex with someone you want to see a clean test. I would be offended if someone assumed I would sleep with them right away
Ju****

Ju****

Posted
Some people think it's a lot of effort for someone they don't plan to be dating, but it is usually because they personally don't think of asking for one of those themselves. That or they are insulted as if you are implying they're "dirty".
People are odd.
For a one night stand or Nsa that wasn't recurring.... Would I want to go through the hassle of supplying a test result.... No....
For someone I was dating and connecting with Long Term... No issue with providing that at all.

Each different person's perspective ofcourse.
I am sure there are some who just Whore about (not in the good way lol) and don't even know if they are clean or not.
Each to their own.
(P, I am supportive of people being a hoe/whore ;) as long as its done safely by those involved).
ey****

ey****

Posted

So, I don't ask to see proof but I do get tested myself monthly and I work on a lot of trust with some others I play with. 

I know in the UK there have been some challenges because of covid (it's basically meant my local clinic is understaffed now and they've had to scale back on appointments because of this - so for example my next test is booked in for London) 

To a degree I don't think it's an unreasonable request - if someone wants to sleep around but isn't taking their health seriously they might not be someone worth engaging with.  

ge****

ge****

Posted
If they get offended then they're not a good match for the way you do things it really is that simple, not worth getting upset about.
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Whilst sexual health is of course a serious matter and something everyone should take responsibility for, there are ways of asking about it without having the potential to sound accusatory.
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Remember too that someone presenting you with their sexual health test results actually proves nothing other than they took the test and at that point in time tested whichever way they tested.
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They could for example test negative for HIV yet still be positive and in the incubation period, or they could take the test and show clean and immediately have sex with someone with an STI and not tell you.
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So all you can do is take care of your own sexual health, protect yourself by using condoms and assess the risks that you're willing to take - you cannot put complete trust in the other person unless you know them well, and even then it could be doubtful sometimes.
te****

te****

Posted
They are being plain stupid and inconsiderate. In my area (and I believe many other areas) there is a walk in clinic open every day, you just have to book yourself in and wait an hour, results the next day ,and if you ask, you get a goodie bag full of free condoms and dams…but probably they wouldn’t even know what a dam is 🤣
ge****

ge****

Posted
14 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

So, I don't ask to see proof but I do get tested myself monthly and I work on a lot of trust with some others I play with. 

I know in the UK there have been some challenges because of covid (it's basically meant my local clinic is understaffed now and they've had to scale back on appointments because of this - so for example my next test is booked in for London) 

To a degree I don't think it's an unreasonable request - if someone wants to sleep around but isn't taking their health seriously they might not be someone worth engaging with.  

I've for years used the free postal testing service and found it to be just as, if not more, efficient than going to the clinic - I actually tend to get results quicker usually.
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That said it's not available in all areas of the UK and depends on your local health trust but is worth looking into as it's completely free and very simple to do.

ey****

ey****

Posted
11 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

Remember too that someone presenting you with their sexual health test results actually proves nothing other than they took the test and at that point in time tested whichever way they tested.
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They could for example test negative for HIV yet still be positive and in the incubation period, or they could take the test and show clean and immediately have sex with someone with an STI and not tell you.

this is also why I get tested monthly.  

Among anything else I can show 3 months worth of evidence at any time which will help give confidence for the HIV and other long incubation periods.  

Now, if in my next test I have a positive result on anything we are supposed to try to track down everyone I had sexual contact with in that period.  There is an obligation.  

ey****

ey****

Posted
6 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

I've for years used the free postal testing service and found it to be just as, if not more, efficient than going to the clinic - I actually tend to get results quicker usually.
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That said it's not available in all areas of the UK and depends on your local health trust but is worth looking into as it's completely free and very simple to do.

for a few reasons a lot of people don't take the home/postal tests as proof.     If this is something you are doing yourself for peace of mind this is one thing; but there is a big problem of people trying to fake test results.

I personally would take home testing as proof because I'm unlikely to be doing something with someone I didn't trust.  

This was a big conversation I had recent-ish-ly as part of a film day where we were all struggling to get clinic tests - and trusting people to do the right thing is sometimes worth more than having proof in front of you anyway. 

Ro****

Ro****

Posted
Anyone that gets offended when asked about STI/STD health check is a major red flag for me. I could understand it when it comes to certain stigmas (hiv undetectable = untransmissible) but it hasn't been the cases I've ran into. Some people would even get offended if you ask when was the last time they checked🤦🤦🤦
ge****

ge****

Posted
15 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

for a few reasons a lot of people don't take the home/postal tests as proof.     If this is something you are doing yourself for peace of mind this is one thing; but there is a big problem of people trying to fake test results.

I personally would take home testing as proof because I'm unlikely to be doing something with someone I didn't trust.  

This was a big conversation I had recent-ish-ly as part of a film day where we were all struggling to get clinic tests - and trusting people to do the right thing is sometimes worth more than having proof in front of you anyway. 

Yeah makes sense from that perspective - for me it's personal peace of mind and about me taking responsibility for my own sexual health so the scenarios you describe don't apply, though I can understand them

Ti****

Ti****

Posted
Is protection and safety wrong? Of course not. But as with most things, it is how something is approached that makes the difference between sharing your concerns and coming off as offensive, accuatorial and/or rude. Your approach sounds very much like you don't think that they look after their own sexual health as well as you do as your own, and worse still, may be interpreted as you insinuating that they sleep around and believe that they do have something. Who WOULDN'T be offended by that haha?? I would imagine that you would have first established that you WILL in fact be having sex with these perspective partners BEFORE you even broaching this subject? If not, that would also explain the frosty reception you have been experiencing. I do not see much point in demanding to see an STD test anyway. It is still no guarantee. Whether you like it or not, you are still going to have to trust them. And if you feel you cannot, perhaps you shouldn't be pursuing it in the first place. I don't believe in any way that you intend to offend or come off that way but you may just need to think about how it MAY be perceived beforehand.

On the other hand, I would have thought that having a consistent negative response to something that you say would perhaps lead you to reconsider YOUR approach rather than complaining about THEIR response 🤔🤷‍♂️
GspotGuru

GspotGuru

Posted

Getting tested is a mutual benefit! (It’s good your health and your play partner’s health. Planned Parenthood offers STD testing on a sliding scale of costs depending on your income, which can be expensive for some. If *** is the issue for not getting tested  and you really are attracted to that person then it’s an individual value judgment and you could offer to help  pay them.  Chlamydia is often unnoticeable to women and so testing is the only way to tell if it’s a urinary infection or Chlamydia or something else. Be safe , have fun! 

Lo****

Lo****

Posted

I don't give a f**k if it's offensive it's my safety. So ether show results or bet it. If they get upset about its on them not me I didn't lose anything by asking.

Deleted Member

Posted

Well tickler after writing 4x what you did showing all the flaws and all the good in what you said I'll just ask you, if we f**k and I get an std from you then sue you for it will you still stand behind your statement? And yes you can get sued for it

kx****

kx****

Posted
Any time I have sketchy sex, not only do I go in the next day to get treatments for gon, chla, and Syph. Then two weeks later I get tested
ab****

ab****

Posted
I always before a partner get tested and request the person to get tested (seeing results) and then afterwards. You never these days and have to keep yourself safe.
ey****

ey****

Posted
1 hour ago, kx07 said:

Any time I have sketchy sex, not only do I go in the next day to get treatments for gon, chla, and Syph. Then two weeks later I get tested

there really is little point in going the next day

you're looking at 2-3 weeks incubation for each

ge****

ge****

Posted
31 minutes ago, ab2022 said:
I always before a partner get tested and request the person to get tested (seeing results) and then afterwards. You never these days and have to keep yourself safe.

You do know that "seeing results" actually proves nothing other than at the time of testing they tested either positive or negative though right? They could have had sex with someone who was infected anything up to 2 weeks before (for most STIs) and 4 weeks before (for HIV) and it could still return a negative test or had sex since the test and before having sex with you.
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There is no 100% foolproof way of knowing someone is clean through test results unless you have spent every minute of time with them for 4 weeks prior to the test and every minute of time with them until they get the results and can 100% *know* they haven't had sex in that time.
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Ultimately you can only assess the risks based on what you know and act accordingly

Deleted Member

Posted
I always ask for an STD test and I show mine to the other person as well. I know that the other person still can be positive and show negative, but at least I feel a lil bit much better and secure.

Yes, some people get offended, and that’s fine. But, most of the people are here to hook up, you can’t be playing with your health.

If that person feels offended, well, NEXT! Just like that. Remember, probably you gonna have a good moment, but some STD stays forever
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