What is your least favourite quality in a dom?

[Al****]

I know doms that ignore boundaries or the basic consent of the dynamic are no-gos, but I mostly mean doms that are generally good about things.

Is there something specific that for some reason you just hate or is widely hated?

I only have experience as myself being a dom, all of my friends are very reserved (or subs). So, I find knowledge like this important.

[sk****]

The only thing that i can immagine is a dom that Is not sure of what he/She Is doing.
Like, if you're in control you just have to be sure of yourself and make the other Person feel safe in your hands

[NV****]

I need a dom that actually likes men? Could love a man? Not hate!

[ey****]

ah, to pick just one

Arrogance

I think there is a line between confidence and arrogance and on the arrogance side of things is where you don't listen to your sub, or to others, because you insist your way is right and everything else is wrong.

(There is also a big difference between having a way you like-to-do-things while also accepting other people prefer to do things differently, even if that is not for you)

 

[Deleted Member]

Ego.

[VILKDUJA]

Those that are basically nothing more than wannabe Dom's, who think that they've educated themselves & know what they're doing because they've watched Fifty Shades or some other nonsense like that....& there really are plenty of those out there.

[Lord_Talion]

Too many Doms n not enough subs

[Sp****]

A dom girl is rare huh? Lol I’m just wondering because I never really meet any dominant girls

[so****]

Honestly for me its ones that hype themselves up when they know literally nothing about rigging, degredation or anything that actually makes them a good dom.
Also the ones that think just calling me "slut" without doing anything else will get them anywhere with me.

[Deleted Member]

It’s a little vague, but those that don’t know how to dom. More specifically, being dumb. I’ve gotten opening messages with “Hey sub/slave.” Like ex-f******g-cuse you. I don’t know you and you don’t know me. If you did, you’d know I don’t like either of those terms. That and thinking that being mean and propping themselves up on a pedestal is domming. It is not.

[Pl****]

I am not a sub, but the doms I've been most angry with have generally had one thing in common. I know ***/degredation is a common kink, but sometimes it goes a bit too far even if they do. I've occasionally come across subs that were just emotionally beaten down by their former doms. They feel like shit and have no confidence left. I know this sounds like straight up ***, but it can often be more subtle than that, and hardly intentional. It's not necessarily some obviously abusive behavior, but a cumulative amount of things that seem insignificant by themselves, or that might even be quite normal and healthy for some people. They don't realize that even if the sub is into it in the moment, that doesn't mean everything's fine afterwards. Maybe they jumped into the play early on and never developed a good baseline to be able to tell if something was wrong. There's a lack of awareness that maybe the aftercare wasn't quite enough. Communication is a two-way street, but it's not always easy for subs to realize what's happening. Just like how a dom needs to know when to end a scene even if the sub hasn't used a safe word, they need to have a more general understanding of a sub's condition, beyond just what the sub tells them. It's lucky I was never into ***/degredation, because I was such crap at reading people when I was younger that I'd have probably been guilty of this too. 

[Deleted Member]

I’m in agreement with all the above comments. A true dominant always takes their subs emotions and boundaries into account. The sub states soft and hard limits, the dom then tailors his actions to meet the needs. This is the key difference between us and every other person who pretends to be “alpha”.

[Deleted Member]

My two cents. A real Dom/Domme listen to their subs. A sub surrenders because they are treated within the consensual boundaries for their relationship. Hard limits are understood. This is more *** than domination. Do what I say because I’ve taken the time to earn your trust not because I called myself a Dom and use it as an excuse to bully you. If a Dom makes you feel unsafe. And they don’t respond positively to being told you feel unsafe. Leave them. It will only get worse.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, WULFRIC-1801 said:

Those that are basically nothing more than wannabe Dom's, who think that they've educated themselves & know what they're doing because they've watched Fifty Shades or some other nonsense like that....& there really are plenty of those out there.

This doesn’t actually mention anything specific. Would be helpful if you had examples and details.

[ta****]

Beware you need some knowledge of what can, but especially what must not be done with the human body. For example you can flog the upper shoulders but never the lower spinal, kidney, and liver area. You can flog the bottom and upper thighs, but should not flog the feet. You must agree with your “Sub” beforehand and understanding when to give your sub exactly what he or she wants is as important as what the master or mistress wants, especially pleasure.

[Celestial-Succubus]

My least favorite quality in a dom/me is someone who keeps their Dom/me side and their real personality separate. What I mean by that is, is they keep their romantic or sweet side away from who they are as a dom/me. I dislike it when all a dom/me wants out of a session is play and not passion

[Sh****]

My Dom had a bipolar wife…not a great quality 😂😞😭

[Deleted Member]

When they have to reduce me in order to elevate themselves. Gaslighters and disparagers. Arrogance without substance.

[sw****]

I hate pushy Doms.

[Dy****]

Two big problems I've heard about with doms: they know tasks, but not technique, and no aftercare.

For example, in my experience, spanking is a common request. But some subs prefer open hand only. Some like paddles, some like them with holes in the paddle.

Knowing the nuances are important, but also knowing the technique that goes with each tool. It changed with each one, you can't apply a single technique broadly.

And aftercare.......this one I find the most offensive. Someone just gave their entire body over to you, trusted you with their physical and emotional survival through a scene, and you wrap it up by leaving the room in silence afterward........wtf is that?!?!?!?!

Ultimately this all boils down to education. I know hearing these things are always a reminder for me that there is always something I could get better at. Something I can learn more about.

[Ki****]

From my brief personal experience it has to be assumptions about what the sub likes. If a domme tries *** on me and we haven't discussed the finer details of what I do and do not like, then they're guaranteed to say something that will completely take me out of the experience and make me roll my eyes.
Not all *** is the same. There's a lot of nuances to it and be complicated to navigate. So don't assume that just because you said something degrading that I'll like it

[Scarlettmiss25]

I've found that some doms mistake rules and structure for needing ti know every single thing I am doing and exactly what time I am where and what time I will be somewhere and to check in every hour. Just for me that is not dominant behaviour I find acceptable its straying into over controlling and over possessive.

[Deleted Member]

@Scarlettmiss25 that’s narcissistic red flags, not Dom behavior. That’s more master/slave but it should be discussed beforehand but it’s only ever set up to meet the slaves needs.

[Deleted Member]

Needing to know where your sub is at all Times and who she is with and what she is doing is not Dominance. It’s codependency and it’s wrong. If you have trust. The only thing you need to know is when she is available. Of course. If you have discussed complete power exchange. That’s a different story. No one size fits all for D/s relationships. But one truth is fundamental. Clear communication of boundaries, respect, consent, will lead to trust. And that’s vital to the success of this engagement. And yes. Please learn after care. I mean treat your play things with care. Clean them up and put them away as good or better than your found them. Consensual bruises not withstanding. 😉

[Deleted Member]

Nice discussion i agree with scarletmiss25