Ghosters and Ghostees.

[Deleted Member]

I ghosted a woman because she had no filter and constantly kept saying that I was string her along and it was to much to early so I just stop messaging her or replying then after a week removed. Just some times things don't need to be explained. It's easier to move on.

[ol****]

It's probably happend to all of us. I think it's a consequence of the on-line world.

If somebody invents a make believe persona to inhabit the online world it's only aa matter of time before the cracks show up and like as not you'll ask a question and then get ghosted as a consequence.

[Je****]

45 minutes ago, oldfellow said:

It's probably happend to all of us. I think it's a consequence of the on-line world.

If somebody invents a make believe persona to inhabit the online world it's only aa matter of time before the cracks show up and like as not you'll ask a question and then get ghosted as a consequence.

Yes while I agree with this as a general comment of truth, this was all in Real Life interaction. So a bit more stingy for me. I can seperate easier from online world. 

[Go****]

14 hours ago, Finally_Jen said:

Oh dear God, I am so sorry you went through this!

What a horrific read! That woman sounds unstable.  I think you hit the nail on the head though... It's the worry for the other person, to then find out they're active and okay, that hurts. 

 

For this situation, he approached me at a bar. Was so wonderful. Flirty, teasing and intimate. The first kiss and exchanging numbers, he was completely swooning over me to my best mate about wanting to be good enough for me and all sorts. Kept in touch met me the next day, bought me drinks. I told him about poly he was okay with this, walked me to my train so I was safe, kisses and hugs. Straight up sending me voice notes, pics and videos of himself, his evening, his family! I met his friends, he met mine and my kids. He came to stay here, bonded so well with my son and we shared icecream and I cooked... He was a perfect gent, looke after me so well. 

Next day when he went home he was a bit distant but apologised due to his work load. He told me all about where he worked, about his colleagues, showed me stuff, things about his life and family, routine, invited me over to stay. Got to know me and mine. Bought me dinner and made me so comfy and safe. 

We had a couple wonderful sexy nights in that time too! We were very compatible sexually and he was surprisingly kinky. But then that's when the signs started to go a bit iffy with his attention and interest. Sat playing video games while I was watching Tv, or siting beside me rather than with me... I asked about this and he said yeh I want to see you, see how it goes, happy to hang out. Talked to me about some personal stuff and listened to mine. I opened up bigtime. Walked me into town, told me I'm welcome any time and kisses and hugs before parting and made sure I had a good evening and let him know I got home okay.... He replied to that one... Left it open to him seeing when he's free again... dinner suggestions for next time... and then... nothing. Hasn't opened a thing from me. I sent one text Sat, one on Sunday, one today (asking if I have done something wrong and if all was okay and if he didn't want to see me to let me know). But again... active on Whatsapp... and nothing. Not even opened it. Flat out ignored it. We got on great. No one was over stepping or over bearing. No one was uncomfy. We learned a lot and grew so close.... To just nothing. He has not blocked me. Which I find odd. I thought that was a first ballsy cop out move for someone who wants to dodge you. But no, hes there and visible. He and I regular the same pub and everything. It makes no damn sense. But he's alive. 

It hurt. It was the first person I have allowed near me in 2yrs. Who I felt comfy and safe with. My type, in every sense. No warning for this at all. I find it so bizarre how much he let me in to every aspect to just go cold. And still leave me able to reach out. I am expecting him to contact me, or block me. If he does neither and just leaves it un read. I honestly don't know what to make of it. 

Maybe he will surprise me. But... I won't chase him. I won't cry over him. I am hurt to an extent, but more so confused. I don't undertsand people.

Sorry for the massive ramble. But reading this, if anyone can spot anything that could be a trigger for it?! Please do let me know. But if not I'll assume he's just an ass and I know I can do better but it will be a big learning curve for me, letting people close again. 

Honestly Jen, from everything you've said here, I have alarm bells going off. I know everyone's relationships progress at varying speeds and intensities, but all of what you've said he did with you seems, to me, to be way too much, too fast, too soon.

It reads to me as though he's gone with the rush of the first meet (a little like sub/Dom frenzy), jumped in at the deep end with you, and then got cold feet and now doesn't know what to do. I suspect, if that's the case, that he's ignored the first message due to that, and it's gotten more and more difficult to answer your messages. 

I'm sorry you're dealing with this, it's not pleasant at all. You did nothing wrong, from what you've said here, and last night, I suspect he's just an ass at dealing with grown up emotions. 

I would suggest, if you haven't already, that you think now about what you would want to do if he did get back to you with an answer/apology/whatever, ahead of time, so that you have a good idea of your own boundaries and what you're willing to accept, before he (possibly) contacts you.

Big hugs and smooches 😘💛💛

[Je****]

1 hour ago, GoodGirlBetterBrat said:

Honestly Jen, from everything you've said here, I have alarm bells going off. I know everyone's relationships progress at varying speeds and intensities, but all of what you've said he did with you seems, to me, to be way too much, too fast, too soon.

It reads to me as though he's gone with the rush of the first meet (a little like sub/Dom frenzy), jumped in at the deep end with you, and then got cold feet and now doesn't know what to do. I suspect, if that's the case, that he's ignored the first message due to that, and it's gotten more and more difficult to answer your messages. 

I'm sorry you're dealing with this, it's not pleasant at all. You did nothing wrong, from what you've said here, and last night, I suspect he's just an ass at dealing with grown up emotions. 

I would suggest, if you haven't already, that you think now about what you would want to do if he did get back to you with an answer/apology/whatever, ahead of time, so that you have a good idea of your own boundaries and what you're willing to accept, before he (possibly) contacts you.

Big hugs and smooches 😘💛💛

Yup.

It was a lot. And fast. But felt so normal. 

He did at one stage mention in a text he struggles to express emotions. I am more so inclined to think it is this... than dickhead player behaviour. 

But i may never know for sure. 

If he ever got back to me with a genuine reason jd probably listen. As im a sucker and believe in second chances. 

If hes just an asshole or "forgot" id probably just say glad youre alive anf all the best.

Time will tell 

 

Love lady xx

[ol****]

6 hours ago, Finally_Jen said:

Yes while I agree with this as a general comment of truth, this was all in Real Life interaction. So a bit more stingy for me. I can seperate easier from online world. 

You don't say much about the guy in your post, other than confirming it was all a bit of a whirlwind. 

it is possible he woke up and changed his mind, if so really sad he didn't just man up and say so. Just not reading your messages is poor. 

That said I have a good friend who often does not read messages for days. He also uses WhatsApp and seems to manage to ignore the constant chimes from his phone.

In any event you have my sympathy.

 

[Go****]

8 hours ago, Finally_Jen said:

Yup.

It was a lot. And fast. But felt so normal. 

He did at one stage mention in a text he struggles to express emotions. I am more so inclined to think it is this... than dickhead player behaviour. 

But i may never know for sure. 

If he ever got back to me with a genuine reason jd probably listen. As im a sucker and believe in second chances. 

If hes just an asshole or "forgot" id probably just say glad youre alive anf all the best.

Time will tell 

 

Love lady xx

I should add, I wasn't and am not judging any part of it, just speaking from experience and viewpoint xx

[Je****]

13 hours ago, oldfellow said:

You don't say much about the guy in your post, other than confirming it was all a bit of a whirlwind. 

it is possible he woke up and changed his mind, if so really sad he didn't just man up and say so. Just not reading your messages is poor. 

That said I have a good friend who often does not read messages for days. He also uses WhatsApp and seems to manage to ignore the constant chimes from his phone.

In any event you have my sympathy.

 

Yeah, the guy was nice, a bit loud an obnoxious when drinking but when he was talking to me he was sweet and kind, flirty and noticed me straight away (he later explained his approach to me in whatsapp voice note) and he even asked my friend for approval to approach me and if he would ever stand a chance with me. He was wonderful attentive and contacted often and was very respectful. He was amazing with my kids and helped me out about the house and held doors, my bags, everything. Walked me to my train or bus and was very reassuring. Then it just stopped. I have no idea why. He did at one stage mention he finds emotions hard to manage but thats my only inkling besides a comment when I confronted him on mix signals (he had me over for dinner and video games but he played them and i just sat watching tv for a couple hours) and he said he was like that and "likes to keep them guessing", but then went back to being attentive and intimate. 

Before we parted he said I was welcome over any time and walked me to my stop before a kiss upon leaving, told me to let him know when I was home safe. Which I did and he replied saying the night was fun, he'll try to get time off work soon and dinner suggestions for next time.... and that was last he contacted me. He hasn't opened my message since saturday evening and not blocked me either. So I think he has archived my whatsapp or something. I don't know but regardless there will be an awkward bump into each other at the local bar we both regular and he introduced me to all his friends too... so... who knows. 

[Je****]

9 hours ago, GoodGirlBetterBrat said:

I should add, I wasn't and am not judging any part of it, just speaking from experience and viewpoint xx

No I know that beautiful. It makes sense. If anything, and if he is being an arse, In know now to be a bit more weary. I won't and don't regret our time together nor the physical stuff. I don't feel used either. I just feel a bit sad. But that will lessen in time. Perhaps I was blinded by the excitement of it all, and missed something. One way or another it'll come to a head and I will get over it. I still have good people in my life, and I know more will come along. 

[Chastity_Pup_Gabbia]

I try not to ghost unless I feel the conversation is either getting too sleezy or personally attacking. (Which thankfully is a rare thing). And even if it does the block button is then used.
However, if I don’t respond immediately it’s due to life outside of Fet and nothing personal.
I have though been Ghosted and, unless it’s due to being busy, I find it rude. The politest thing I’d prefer is if the person said I’m sorry I don’t think you or your kink is my thing. I’d accept that and if nothing happens then fair enough. But sometimes just chatting to someone and making friends is as good as finding a relationship. As you could potentially learn from the conversation and also share your kinks with that person too.

[Je****]

8 minutes ago, ChastityPup said:

I try not to ghost unless I feel the conversation is either getting too sleezy or personally attacking. (Which thankfully is a rare thing). And even if it does the block button is then used.
However, if I don’t respond immediately it’s due to life outside of Fet and nothing personal.
I have though been Ghosted and, unless it’s due to being busy, I find it rude. The politest thing I’d prefer is if the person said I’m sorry I don’t think you or your kink is my thing. I’d accept that and if nothing happens then fair enough. But sometimes just chatting to someone and making friends is as good as finding a relationship. As you could potentially learn from the conversation and also share your kinks with that person too.

Yeah online is very tough to bond but soooo easy to have people ghosting, it sucks. Sadly my instance was Real Life, so I got a bit attached and it hurt more. 

Nothing was off or bad or attacking or sleazy. Just went from 100 to 0 overnight. 

I think my expectations on communication are very high and I just find it the respectful thing to do if you have a real life bond, heck even online, is to just tell someone yes or no and be done with it. 

Odd human beings. Also this was a Nilla boy. Not a kink one. So maybe i should have expected it hahah

[Chastity_Pup_Gabbia]

True about possibly scaring vanillas off. 😂 But yeah a simple yes or no is aways nice in real life or online.

[Je****]

14 minutes ago, ChastityPup said:

True about possibly scaring vanillas off. 😂 But yeah a simple yes or no is aways nice in real life or online.

Dont get me wrong he was quite the kinky bastard. Dominant of sorts. But only in bedroom. I tried to mention a few kinks along the line and he just said"ok you win" cus hes not as into it. But that was wayyy at the start lol. 

Might have to see if hes into CBT if i ever see him again the prick hahahahah (jokes)

[Deleted Member]

Ghosting is a new form of abandonment fet, and everyone here masters this kink flawlessly.

[Deleted Member]

Never ghosted, but sometimes I don't respond for a while if something is going on in my personal life. 

[Je****]

20 hours ago, Traveler said:

Ghosting is a new form of abandonment fet, and everyone here masters this kink flawlessly.

This was off Fet. Real life interaction kinda case but I am sure it happens plenty.online here :(

[Je****]

Okay so... i ended up getting a lady suggested on my facebook friend list. She was a girl who was there the night i met this guy.

So I messaged to see if he is known for this.

And he is. 

He runs at first sight of fondness towards someone due to his own issues and dealing with emotions. 

So I sadly fell into that trap. 

 

However..... twist on the story is that the girl i spoke to was also ghosted by him. So this gave us mutual talking ground. 

We met again on Saturday night (as ive my partner over from England) and she and i had a few public kisses and have a date today. 

Boy missed out!!!!

Edited June 13, 2022 by Finally_Jen

[Su****]

1 hour ago, Finally_Jen said:

Okay so... i ended up getting a lady suggested on my facebook friend list. She was a girl who was there the night i met this guy.

So I messaged to see if he is known for this.

And he is. 

He runs at first sight of fondness towards someone due to his own issues and dealing with emotions. 

So I sadly fell into that trap. 

 

However..... twist on the story is that the girl i spoke to was also ghosted by him. So this gave us mutual talking ground. 

We met again on Saturday night (as ive my partner over from England) and she and i had a few public kisses and have a date today. 

Boy missed out!!!!

Every cloud…..

[ey****]

23 hours ago, Traveler said:

Ghosting is a new form of abandonment fet, and everyone here masters this kink flawlessly.

for the best part I don't feel people have ghosting as a 'kink' 

I think there are multiple reasons why people ghost (or appear to ghost) but certainly their own gratification is unlikely to be one of them.   

Even those who have no intention of meeting and happy to get off on the talk of "what we might do" - they have no reason to vanish providing they're still getting the wank fodder. 

[Je****]

28 minutes ago, Subtlety said:

Every cloud…..

This is the hope. See how it goes... surely wont be stung twice... and i only say that because they know each other haha

[Ar****]

2 hours ago, Finally_Jen said:

Boy missed out!!!!

Best update to this story EVER!! 😂😂

I hope you both have the wonderful time you deserve today. Some people come into our lives simply so that they can lead us to other people... the universe does work in peculiar ways. And this has made my afternoon.