FWB

[DarkArts1066]

Hello Nerdling, I am sorry to hear that your arrangement is causing you hurt. FWB arrangements DO work, the key though is ultra-honesty where your feelings are are concerned - in a timely manner.
By that I mean being super honest with your Friend - from minute one that you realise there is more going on in your head.
Now - here is the caveat with doing so.
You run the risk of the aforementioned friend running a mile. It’s a risk, but one you have to take.
I know a lot of people who are in FWB relationships, and almost all of the successful ones are married - and so are their FWBs.
The reason for this is simple. If your FWB is already in a stable relationship, you can all but assume that they are not going to reciprocate if you do develop feelings for them. A safety net for you both - if you will.

A word of warning.
It takes a very strong individual to keep those feelings you describe to yourself. The natural instinct I believe is to want to talk with your FWB about this …. However you say you feel now… and I think that is the right thing to do - for the sake of your own mental health further down the line.
If you have trust, and a solid understanding of each other, ask them for help and advice in dealing with the issue. Tell them what you have told us - that you would rather have a little of them in your life than nothing at all.

You don’t say how long you have both been in this arrangement, but if it is comparatively short lived so far, ask yourself why these feelings have surfaced. Where have they come from ?
Being able to answer those questions might just give you some clarity.

I almost always advocate honesty as the best policy.
I have had complete transparency with the last two of my regular partners … and we all strayed away slightly from the agreements in place at times - bent the rules but not broke them, so to speak, and worked our way through that.
My last partner (wife) lied about an arrangement she had developed with someone - we had a “one dance” policy.
Free to be intimate with another person outside of our relationship from time to time - BUT never revisit the same person twice.
Sadly she revisited the same person five times in a month - and got found out.

Had she told me what she wanted to do, I would have approached the situation from a different perspective, and found some common ground for us both to enjoy her experiences.

Be honest with your FWB. Pick your moment, be rational- not clingy (not assuming that you would be!) and lay your cards on the table in a calm and thoughtful manner .

[Ha****]

Honestly, just like any relationship from friendship all the way up to being married, it's just about communication. If one of you is developing feelings, talk to other and if you're friends, then it shouldn't be a big deal to just talk. I've had sub FWB's before and one of them was developing feelings for me, we talked and decided thst it was best to take sex out of the equation and she's still one of my closest friends to this day. Otherwise it's been a perfectly fine situation for me and the other person.

Just keep an ongoing dialogue, even if you're not fully sure thst you're developing feelings, but you think maybe that's what it is, talk it out.

[Deleted Member]

I’m sorry to hear you’re suffering in relationship. I think you’re very aware of the potential perils of the fwb dynamic. I also feel that if you continue to place the majority of your needs to one side then you will continue to suffer. I notice you have LTR on your profile and this declaration alone feels like a truth that needs paying attention to. Maybe having a short break from your break may give you some distance from your emotions and you’ll be able to work through what it is you are really needing right now. The danger of continuing is that you’ll be driven by emotion and this can end up being very ***ful. I wish you well with your choices 🙏🏻

[Deleted Member]

I think beneficial to both parties if done correctly.ive been in a few and worked great...we stopped the sexual side of things once one of us met someone

[th****]

Communication, honesty, and transparency. Fwb usually come with a self life. I would tell him how you feel. He should know. From there he can decide if it’s a good idea to continue. He’ll have a better idea if it’s possible down the road if he will have feeling for you. Or maybe he does and he hasn’t told you yet. You just never know. But prepared that it might end. If he is a good person he won’t want to string you along and hurt you more.

[sm****]

Beneficial for sure . A few easy rules . If one gets broke it's got to be over . Just friends . Lol. Been there . -

[Wh****]

Honestly I think it depends on the people, complete transparency is required at all times but with the right people can work well.

[Deleted Member]

Mutually beneficial yes. Just don’t break the #1 rule. And never have to worry about getting butt hurt.

[CopperKnob]

For me, there's no such thing as 'no strings attached' I'm like Pinnochio, strings everywhere so FWB just doesn't work. Hat's off to those that can

[th****]

I think if you're at the point where you've devploped feelings and the other person doesn't reciprocate its probably best for you to end it. Ultimately it's a personal decision but I think the emotional strain isn't worth it.

[Deleted Member]

If put in the right perspective with no expectations then you’re fine.. I’ve had a few and I’m still social with them

[Deleted Member]

If I were you I would reflect on the times you and your partner spent together. If you believe they put in the same or more effort into spending time with you besides just sex then you should confront them about your feelings. To be clear real quick, I’m referring to times were you both hung out, and sex or sexual favors were Not involved. If that has ever happened then I feel you have a good chance of not hurting the dynamic you have with them, if you tell them how you feel. However, if they still see you as just a fwb and you have feelings for them, it’s going to end up hurting you in the long run.

[Deleted Member]

I’ve had multiple FWBs in my life and everyone of them has been great and drama-free. The relationships took their course and when one of us got serious with someone else, the sex died off without issue. So it can be done!

[Deleted Member]

My opinion - if someone is straight from the beginning they only want a FWB, THAT is the very moment to bring up that issue and what will happen if one or both parties develop stronger feelings. AND the moment those feelings develop - then all play between the two parties STOPS totally. To continue forward is to perpetuate not only a lie, but to inspire false hope. And the moment that happens then you break both trust and respect which is more crucial in a BDSM dynamic. Just saying.

[Deleted Member]

Personally, I think FWB is just a band aid to the overall dilemma. It's great to start off, but feelings can arise and not equally.
Then take a look at the acronym itself. Friends With Benefits. Would you be friends without the sex. I doubt it. Maybe FB (Fuck Buddy's) would be more appropriate. Or how about FBWC? (F**k Buddy's Without Consequences.)
Carry on. 😉

[Missy45]

FWB is not for everyone especially if you're the type of person that gets emotional attached after sexual encounters. When you agree to that type of arrangement, you have to make sure the emotions are off and that's all you want from them is sex.

[Gr****]

Be honest with ech other and with the intention of only being fwb.

[sa****]

In my experience it ends badly for someone or both everytime. It’s two people taking that risk as to which one it will be

[Gu****]

It can be good, but usually hurts someone because they want more (which wasn’t the original agreement)

[As****]

I think it could help if done correctly

[Deleted Member]

I had a FWB relationship with a work colleague in a previous job worked for both of us. We’d f**k after work then go home to our respective lives.

[fa****]

Communication to me is always key. Talk about this, keep it upfront and honest. But at the same time, put yourself first. If you don’t think that you personally can keep it all separate, talk about your expectations and theirs. If it doesn’t align then maybe it’s time to end that situation and go back to just friends ☺️

[Deleted Member]

The only way to do it properly is regularly check in on each other and make sure you’re both still on the same page, feelings can develop either way at any time, its part of being human. But handling it properly is the key. We regularly check in on dynamics and roles, so why should feelings not be part of that too?

If its handled openly, maturely and with communication, ofcourse it can work!

[tu****]

it's almost never going to be mutual. even if both parties intended for it to be nsa fwb. feelings often bubble up. it's expected if you are going to share extremely intimate act and sprinkle a little kink on it ass well. like pouring gasoline on a fire.

[Bt****]

I really feel that if you are honest with yourself about your feelings you won’t set yourself up to be hurt