I don’t know why I feel guilty??

[Stephg27]

Hi I’m new here and fairly new to BDSM. Been interested in it for a number of years, watched a lot of pain but my ex boyfriend wasn’t in to it at all and felt uncomfortable. 

 

I have been been in a fwb relationship with a 49 year old (I’m 27) for about a year and a half now and he’s into mild BDSM. I have done a lot of stuff with him I haven’t done with anyone else. Anal, being tied up, rimming, 69 but last week we tried spanking. At first it wasn’t quite light but I asked him to do it harder and harder and I ended up having multiple orgasms with marks on my bum the next morning. I really liked it but outside of the bedroom I run my own house, look after my daughter, work full time and I study full time and I guess I’m having a hard time reconciling that with the submissive I like to be in the bedroom. I don’t want to feel guilty as I don’t feel I’m doing anything wrong. I just wonder d if anyone felt the same when they first started doing stuff like that?

[Deleted Member]

You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. What we do behind closed doors is our choice and no one else’s concern. I am the same as you, daughter, house, job, friends, family etc. I put it all to the side and out of my mind when I’m in the “bedroom”. It’s the only time my mind feels calm. It’s nice to just be able to switch off and become a submissive as you no longer have to think about the outside world. Don’t feel guilty as there is no need xxx

[Deleted Member]

Be proud of it, this site is proof there’s a community of people who are into the same things as you!

[ey****]

basically - enjoyment of BDSM goes against pretty much everything you've spent most of your life being taught.

so, when you start to engage and enjoy it - it feels good that you enjoy it, but also a part of you can feel a little "is this wrong?"

and you know - time to time, particularly with new experiences - this feeling will return.

The more accepting you become of your own kinks the easier it becomes.  When you learn that millions of people globally are just like you in one way or another.  When you learn the thousands upon thousands of years of evidence in history.

But also, just knowing feeling guilty is a natural feeling can also help.    

It does ease off - don't let it eat you.

[Mi****]

I remember when I first realised I am a sadist. I was horrified! The only thing I knew about sadists was that they were psychopaths and mass murderers. Then I began to meet more people who identified as Sadists and they didn't appear to be murdering anyone!! So I began to research BDSM more and find out what it was all about, now I realise that the difference between me and the mass murderer is I only want to hurt people who want me to hurt them and I want them to come out the other side of it feeling good about themselves, not dead or permamently injured.

It took some time for me to accept so the best advice I can give you is to talk to other people and realise you are not alone in what you like

[Deleted Member]

So long as all parties are genuinely consenting, I think humans need to be more open-minded to things that are outside of the "norm"