Introducing a 3rd play mate

[Deleted Member]

My Dom is looking to introduce another female sub into our play times. I haven’t done this before but I’m excited to try it. Anything I should be considering ahead of time?

We also haven’t agreed on a play partner that we both find attractive. How would you go about finding a third play partner?

[ge****]

While mutual attraction between all three of you is of course paramount, it's also important to consider various other factors like how well you and this third person get on, whether this is a one off or a long term thing, and if so where priorities lie between the three of you - will your dominant want to see this other person on his own for example, and if so how do you feel about that?
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As for finding a third play partner, here and other sites like it are as good a place as any, and the same approach as anyone else would be the way to go. That said, a single female open to joining a couple is called a unicorn for a reason, so it may not be easy to find what you want - don't forget just as you both would have to find her attractive, she'd need to find you both so too.
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Getting along to events and munches may be another way, or even trying swingers clubs, a lot may depend on what kind of dynamic you'd be looking to establish with a third person.

[Ch****]

All 3 of you meet up first in a vanilla situation.
Keep all meetings to be the 3 of you. You Dom shouldn’t go and meet without you until you have done this a bit and feel comfortable.
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Remember, jealousy will happen, the objective is to recognise it and work through it, not deal like you’ve failed because of it.

[ey****]

agreeing on a 3rd does also require the consent of the 3rd.

if you don't have anyone in mind - then - thinking about that might be a start.  It is sometimes easier to go through a NSA route which could be via attending swinging clubs or simply booking a sex worker

remember of course this 3rd is supposed to enhance things for you both; not to replace.  If one or both of you isn't cool with it; don't pursue this idea. 

[Lord_Talion]

Be very careful of jealousy as such may spring up at any moment and ruin not only time with the additional playmate, but also memories of your time with just your Dom

[Mr****]

The best way to decide this partner may be looking at candidates together, wherever you source them, and expressing your thoughts together. When you both have the same girl in mind, maybe go to meet her in a small Cafe together and see if all three of you are on the same wavelength. Dont let failure deter or upset you, be happy that you have narrowed your search and slightly improved your odds at finding little miss flawless. When you finally find someone you both want to have in bed with you, you'll be glad you waited. In the best case scenario, she'll be coming home with you immediately after.
Something to keep in mind, some time down the line, somebody may end up getting jealous or neglected. The jeybin avoiding this is equal pleasure for all three of you, equal inclusion/involvement, and each one of you needs to prioritize the other 2's pleasure in a mutual way. I hope you find who you are looking for, it can be tough out there.

[McGraw]

Speaking as a ‘unicorn’ I echo the advice to always meet up in a social situation first  make sure everybody is on board and if that works out plan the next steps- believe me when I say the bedroom is not the place to find out such an arrangement is not to everybody’s liking. Sometimes the couple will be present for the first meet, other times it will be one of them but introductions are always made before time. Some couples want to spend time (naughty or otherwise ) with no 3 first so that is something to think about. It sounds like you’ve talked matters over with your Dom already but it can’t be stressed enough that you go over your needs and expectations before embarking on this arrangement.

As for finding someone there are dating apps and sites that allow you to register as a couple. Experience as part of the couple and as player 3 tells me there’s more chance of success if you present on such apps as a couple than an individual and make your intentions clear to no 3 afterwards. All the best in your pursuits.

Edited July 20, 2022 by McGraw

[Deleted Member]

Great advice. Thank you everyone.

Any tips on preventing and coping with irrational jealousy?

[Ax****]

Best way to avoid jealousy is to be open and honest 100% at all times with your partner, take things slowly, be open that your new to this to any potential partner, and for the love of God be honest to yourself about any changes to your emotions. Things talked about are things that don't build up and cause resentment. Lastly if you ever in the future decide you weren't comfortable with it the DO NOT BECOME ANGRY RETROACTIVELY. It will drive you insane and from personal experience its better that you leave if you can't let it go then to bring it up every 3 months and become more and more angry as time progresses. Saying you don't want to do it in the first place is fine. Saying you don't want to do it again is fine. Retroactively being upset about something you consented to and blaming the partner when they were under the impression you were okay with it the entire time during the act is not okay. Not saying you would do this, just giving you the heads up because it's possible emotions that you might need to confront later.

[Deleted Member]

11 minutes ago, AxAxRon said:

Best way to avoid jealousy is to be open and honest 100% at all times with your partner, take things slowly, be open that your new to this to any potential partner, and for the love of God be honest to yourself about any changes to your emotions. Things talked about are things that don't build up and cause resentment. Lastly if you ever in the future decide you weren't comfortable with it the DO NOT BECOME ANGRY RETROACTIVELY. It will drive you insane and from personal experience its better that you leave if you can't let it go then to bring it up every 3 months and become more and more angry as time progresses. Saying you don't want to do it in the first place is fine. Saying you don't want to do it again is fine. Retroactively being upset about something you consented to and blaming the partner when they were under the impression you were okay with it the entire time during the act is not okay. Not saying you would do this, just giving you the heads up because it's possible emotions that you might need to confront later.

Thank you for this. I consented to them playing alone with a new playmate for the first time at the weekend and I threw a bit of a wobble for a couple of hours but recovered quickly 😅😅😅

[Deleted Member]

Just now, denver243 said:

Thank you for this. I consented to them playing alone with a new playmate for the first time at the weekend and I threw a bit of a wobble for a couple of hours but recovered quickly 😅😅😅

Emotions man.

[Da****]

As a Dom who has done this. Communication is key and it needs to be between the three of you. After finding your third meet in a very vanilla situation, drinks or dinner something where everyone feels safe, have no expectations of playing on the first date, make that apparent to the third as well. Sew if there is a connection between all three of you. Don't be afraid to say no. As for jealousy, it may happen, it may not, but be open about it. Set rules with your Dom about play, if it's always with the two of you or you and the third can play with each other and if your Dom can play with her separately. Remember as you get to know each other the rules can change.. For communication between the three of us I started a text thread that included all of us..

I found both my subs on Tinder, surprisingly. But there are other sites and apps, just be honest for what you are looking for.

[se****]

Thank you very much for the info. I am nee to this as well. Would you help point out some site for me. Having a hard time finding them. Thank you in advance