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All for her...

By Deleted Member
in Kink Academy

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Mi****

Mi****

Posted
I have my reservations about Findomming in general, and while all sorts of different types of control can be explored in kink, we need to go about it the right way - Safe, Sane, Consensual.
If you haven't expressly discussed and consented to this situation as part of a kink partnership then this person is using you and won't stop when you've had absolutely enough. Better to take the time to find a Dom or Domme who will help you explore your enjoyment of submission in a safe and supportive manner. Keep us informed and let us here know if it gets to be too much, the people here are supportive and helpful - Hope you're doing ok
wi****

wi****

Posted
I mean to an outsider to this dynamic you're having seems abusive and very one -sided. At the very least did you negotiate this arrangement on an even keel or did you just start worshipping her without any boundaries? There definitely needs to be a space for you to interact eye to eye to make sure it doesn't become ***.

Deleted Member

Posted
  • Author
First question is if you really dislike how she’s treating you.. Reading your story sounds you adore the way she’s teasing you, playing with you and apparently you want more from her it makes you go nuts.. If you want more attention from try to challenge her in a way not pleasing her all the time. If you are together in public work on your appearance dress up more sexy, tease with her friends, draw attention to everyone who’s there..
the *** story is not gonna work it doesn’t gonna give you more attention and probably she doesn’t need it too.
TheBookCollector

TheBookCollector

Posted
So many on here apparently vitim blaming, using phrases like "you obviously get off on it", "you must like it", *you must have negotiated it" and mostly they come from men.

Its obvious that the op doesnt like it as its a one way street, the op giving everything, while the other person doesnt give her anything in return except a little interaction probably when the ***r senses the op's attention is waning so she throws in some 'personal time' with the op to keep the *** going.
Lo****

Lo****

Posted
(edited)

Am I the only one who thinks this sounds like a fantasy written by a man?

Edited by Lockfairy
TheBookCollector

TheBookCollector

Posted
16 minutes ago, Lockfairy said:

Am I the only one who thinks this sounds like a fantasy written by a man?

It has crossed my mind but still lots of red flags raised which are good for people to understand.

DarkArts1066

DarkArts1066

Posted
Like MisterE1989, I have serious misgivings about the number of people who claim findomming as a ‘kink’. I see a lot of younger ladies in particular looking to make quick *** - for basically nothing in return, and am contacted by at least two per week, who want to dominate me in this way - who clearly haven’t read my profile - and what I am personally about.

I have questions for you.
1) Hqve you and this girl discussed this decision of yours in any way ?… is she aware that you are living on a frugal budget yourself in order to support her lifestyle ?

2) Has she specifically requested that you do this ? - or is it entirely your idea ? (Be especially honest about this question please)

3) Does she see other women - or men, and have this arrangement with them also ?

4) Have you ever been to her house ?… do you actually know where she lives ?.. or did you meet at a hotel etc when you and she had your encounter ?

5) Ask yourself - what benefit do you actually get from this relationship ?
Does she love you ?, care about, and for you ?

I too am concerned that you are potentially being ***d here. If there are no specific boundaries or limits in place, and you are, quite literally giving your ‘all’ to her (financially anyway), then you are one step away from the poverty line.
What if she asks more of you ?
Asks you to prove your devotion to her by giving her more………?
How far - financially, would you be prepared to go for this woman ?
Please ask yourself that last question.. and be excruciatingly honest with yourself about this situation you are in.

I would hate for you to be damaged by this situation.
Go****

Go****

Posted
Well profiles poofed so I’m guessing the answers weren’t to her liking or something TOS. Anyways, I’ll still leave my two cents. A one way obsession is never good.

Even if you’re into findom with the very occasional sex stuff, your messages reads like someone addicted to *** looking for their next fix. You want to figure out how to give more than you already do(which is also outside of your means since you’re brainstorming for ways to earn “quick ***” for her.

Have a conversation with her and write down your “wants” beforehand. Explain them, hear what she has to say, and make an educated decision about whether this relationship is for you.

Do not ever put yourself in a position that’s beyond your means.
TheBookCollector

TheBookCollector

Posted
Seems the op has deleted thier account.
Da****

Da****

Posted
10 hours ago, your_chocolatebox said:
Sounds like you both would need a guy. To please her an you at the same time. You know giving her double trouble 😜💦💦. Also to keep you company. Probably would make her stay more often since it's always going to be double the fun attitude or no attitude.

Not helpful....

Da****

Da****

Posted
4 hours ago, TheBookCollector said:
Seems the op has deleted thier account.

Guess she didn't like what we were saying..

ey****

ey****

Posted

if there is truth in this - it ties in with the "is BDSM harmful" thread of how people will push themselves into ways they don't like when desperate for attention/validation

AKA_Copper

AKA_Copper

Posted
Whilst the OP's account has been deleted, I still think that it's worth commenting on not only because several of the comments already posted were quite bizarre (playing games when the other party is already playing games is childish and leads to more hurt), but also because what struck me was that the OP may have been experiencing sub frenzy, recognising that they were being isolated but feeling obsessive in relation to the experience/other person.
Sometimes (and I can be guilty of this) sensitivity in how we respond in our comments is needed and it appears that some of us forgot that and jumped in all guns blazing.

Deleted Member

Posted
  • Author
2 hours ago, CopperKnob said:
Whilst the OP's account has been deleted, I still think that it's worth commenting on not only because several of the comments already posted were quite bizarre (playing games when the other party is already playing games is childish and leads to more hurt), but also because what struck me was that the OP may have been experiencing sub frenzy, recognising that they were being isolated but feeling obsessive in relation to the experience/other person.
Sometimes (and I can be guilty of this) sensitivity in how we respond in our comments is needed and it appears that some of us forgot that and jumped in all guns blazing.

Well said!

Deleted Member

Posted
  • Author
2 hours ago, CopperKnob said:
Whilst the OP's account has been deleted, I still think that it's worth commenting on not only because several of the comments already posted were quite bizarre (playing games when the other party is already playing games is childish and leads to more hurt), but also because what struck me was that the OP may have been experiencing sub frenzy, recognising that they were being isolated but feeling obsessive in relation to the experience/other person.
Sometimes (and I can be guilty of this) sensitivity in how we respond in our comments is needed and it appears that some of us forgot that and jumped in all guns blazing.

Very accurate

Da****

Da****

Posted
4 hours ago, CopperKnob said:
Whilst the OP's account has been deleted, I still think that it's worth commenting on not only because several of the comments already posted were quite bizarre (playing games when the other party is already playing games is childish and leads to more hurt), but also because what struck me was that the OP may have been experiencing sub frenzy, recognising that they were being isolated but feeling obsessive in relation to the experience/other person.
Sometimes (and I can be guilty of this) sensitivity in how we respond in our comments is needed and it appears that some of us forgot that and jumped in all guns blazing.

Agreed...

Deleted Member

Posted
  • Author
17 hours ago, your_chocolatebox said:
Sounds like you both would need a guy. To please her an you at the same time. You know giving her double trouble 😜💦💦. Also to keep you company. Probably would make her stay more often since it's always going to be double the fun attitude or no attitude.

This comment made me stupider

ki****

ki****

Posted
Red flag. Stop. This is *** and not healthy. Anything based on guilt and jealousy is red flag.
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