Men - What Works For You?

[ge****]

So we often see threads/posts from men bemoaning their "luck" on sites like this and complaining about their lack of "success".

So inspired by a post on another thread ("Success Rate" if you want to take a look) I thought it would make a very pleasant change to have a thread where those men who are happy with their experience on sites like this could share what has worked for them and perhaps help some of those that struggle.

I'd ask that this isn't turned into another thread for moaning about "luck" or "lack of success" - if you're one of those that would normally claim either of those things - perhaps read the responses from guys that are happy with their experience and see what you can do to improve your own.

I'll post my own experience as a post rather than here to save steering the thread from the start.

[Deleted Member]

I've had some great (cyber) experience on here, that's what I advertise and that's what I get. I suppose it's got something to do with openness and honesty, and understanding people have their own s***d and limits.

[Sh****]

I can't find people close to me to meet me

[Ey****]

Being 💯 honest up front, respectful at all times, not shady, multiple pictures, send one message at a time and wAit for reply, willing to provide FB/IG if discussing for safety reasons, know what you see talking about within the community whether Dom, Sub or otherwise…think that’s about it 🙏

[Deleted Member]

Treat her like a human w respect, be witty funny, ask her about her self, respond to her questions ALL of them even if you have to go back to it…… don’t be pushy w the sexual innuendos etc, we’re adults they come flowing out naturally go w them. They will come out soon enough

[typhoon2]

Respectful, pertinent memos to prospective playmates go a long way. Tailor the note to the person and their profile and accept that no reply is a form of reply. Have something to offer, whether a dungeon, experience, time, ideas or whatever. Basically think before posting, whether memos or creating/updating profiles. I've met some lovelies through this and other sites, played with them, had meaningful relationships and expect to do so in the future, but I long ago learned patience!

[Deleted Member]

This is a bit of a loaded question. For one it really depends on what you are looking for. Personally I'm here for fun nothing serious, so I (like many other men here) cast a wide net. If I send 10 messages and get one reply so be it. From conversations I've had with women here it seems as tho
though most men complaining about their success rates lack basic cortusey. Just because a lady's username is "daddyswhorexxx" doesn't mean she will necessarily take kindly to an in depth first message about what you're fantasizing. Essentially you get more flies with sugar than you do with shit. That said I sure there are some who are into it, you just roll the dice with the risky play. That's just my observation.

[ge****]

So having been around sites like this (both swinging and kink related) for a number of years, and having generally been happy with my experience of them (and having met quite a few people through that use), I think I'm qualified to answer.
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Firstly, I worked out pretty quickly that sending blind messages to people I'd never had any interaction was a fools errand and possibly the most frustrating approach to sites like this - even with eloquently written messages, backed up by a good profile and pictures you still have to hope that not only does your message get noticed and read, but that it hits the right note with the recipient who you've never interacted with before, so don't *know* the kind of message they like. Even if your message does get read, and responded to, you're then reliant on both people being on the same wavelength etc. and the connection forming from there.
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So I steer clear of sending blind messages altogether pretty much - and instead use the forums as my place to interact and spark conversations with those that I interact with there - doing that you already have something in common with the person, have probably seen them interact around the forums so have an idea of their character etc and whether you're likely to hit it off. It's worked for me anyway - and certainly on the swinging site I used, all of my meets were with forumites who I'd initially got to know in the way I describe.
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I'm not saying that the widely used blind message approach doesn't work, but it's a lot harder to get conversations going - and even if you are determined to go down that route - some effort is required that goes beyond "Hey how you doing" or similar - it doesn't have to be War & Peace but at least a few lines that introduces yourself, shows you've read the other person's profile, maybe asks a couple of questions is all it takes.
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Profile and pics are important too - your profile is your shop window, so I use mine to sell myself, a generic couple of lines that say "Looking for kinky women to meet" just isn't going to cut it - put some effort into it, show some of your personality and that you've given thought to what you're looking for - again that's how I view mine and it works for me. Likewise with your pics - put some thought into them - make them appealing, and not overly graphic - if you struggle for ideas look around at other guys pics and see what might work for you.
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I've also found that respect and consideration go a long way, as does having the right attitude, expectations and approach - I never get into graphic sexual conversations or send graphic pics unless there's been encouragement to do so.
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So don't lose sight of the values of common decency, respect, consideration etc - whilst this *is* a kink/sex site those values are still valid, arguably more so.
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The other thing I've never done is make meeting people my "aim" using the site - it's a very pleasant byproduct if I do meet people, but making it your aim can lead to frustration, disappointment and desperation if you're not careful and you end up in a downward cycle - I use the site and it's resources for information, education and forum interaction primarily and as I said if anything more develops from that it's a very pleasant bonus.
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The site provides plenty of tools to help all users have a positive experience so I use them to get that.
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That about sums up my experience which I see as a positive one, there are of course no guarantees but if you follow some of the above I'm sure any negative perceptions will be improved.

[Du****]

This is a promising thread. I look forward to reading the contributions - I know I’m guilty of frequently voicing my frustration at some truly terrible conduct I’ve witnessed from men on here and on other sites 😱 but it doesn’t mean there aren’t Gentlemen out there!

[DeviantInside]

Hmmm… I guess I’ve been “lucky” over the years on various sites like this. Have met people for everything from single fantasy fulfilments to long term relationships living together. Here’s the thing though, I don’t exactly have an agenda, and my view of success isn’t based on meeting or hooking up, nor does my life revolve around those things. I am happy chatting to people generally, and I do so without onus or expectation. So if something develops out of that then great, we already have a grounding for anything else… but equally if nothing does then that’s not a “failure”. Similarly if people stop talking to me or don’t respond… that’s fine, we all have lives and it’s entirely their prerogative. They don’t owe me anything (unless they borrowed my favourite coffee cup… or my slytherin pen… that’s a different matter). I’m not measuring success by number of responses or if anything comes from them. Hell there are a number of people I have chatted to for various reasons where there was never going to be anything other than friendly conversation, whether to help in some way or just to discuss things generally. I never assume anyone necessarily is interested in anything more.

So my experience in this, as in life generally, has been if I am just me then those that like me will gravitate towards me and those that don’t won’t. Obviously it helps that I’m such a erudite, witty, charming, charismatic and above all modest person (what do you mean that’s not how you spell, deluded, narcissistic, and self involved?)

[Deleted Member]

To be honest I’m not here to succeed or fight for the popularity of being lucky, I’m enjoying reading peoples views, reading forums and finding something that catches my eye…it takes time and very minimal effort to get to know people or find threads that actually spark an awakening or enlightens me in getting involved

[Se****]

Agree with previous comments. Manners, respect, and basic human decency go a long way. Unsolicited d**k pics are NEVER a good idea. Taking rejection badly and starting to beg just comes across as pathetic. As does taking rejection badly and launching into a tirade of ***. Be a grown up!

Have spoken to lots of subs here and have met up with a few. The above are the usual complaints on one end of spectrum and at the other end of the spectrum we also have blackmail and attempted r*pe!!!

Subs should take every precaution to be safe.

[Deleted Member]

As a man I think I’m qualified to answer lol.. I think setting realistic expectations is key specifically on a more kink centric site. My kink is a very rare one. Very specific dynamic. So I don’t expect many people to have the same kink (or the adverse version I should say). The only thing I’d like to see more from the female party is at least having a general idea of the dynamic that would suit your lifestyle best and fulfill whatever needs you have. And I’m an avid bio reader so sometimes it sucks because you genuinely wanna know more about the person and their kinks and what they’re looking for but it’s just blank lol that’s frustrating

[Se****]

17 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

So having been around sites like this (both swinging and kink related) for a number of years, and having generally been happy with my experience of them (and having met quite a few people through that use), I think I'm qualified to answer.
.
Firstly, I worked out pretty quickly that sending blind messages to people I'd never had any interaction was a fools errand and possibly the most frustrating approach to sites like this - even with eloquently written messages, backed up by a good profile and pictures you still have to hope that not only does your message get noticed and read, but that it hits the right note with the recipient who you've never interacted with before, so don't *know* the kind of message they like. Even if your message does get read, and responded to, you're then reliant on both people being on the same wavelength etc. and the connection forming from there.
.
So I steer clear of sending blind messages altogether pretty much - and instead use the forums as my place to interact and spark conversations with those that I interact with there - doing that you already have something in common with the person, have probably seen them interact around the forums so have an idea of their character etc and whether you're likely to hit it off. It's worked for me anyway - and certainly on the swinging site I used, all of my meets were with forumites who I'd initially got to know in the way I describe.
.
I'm not saying that the widely used blind message approach doesn't work, but it's a lot harder to get conversations going - and even if you are determined to go down that route - some effort is required that goes beyond "Hey how you doing" or similar - it doesn't have to be War & Peace but at least a few lines that introduces yourself, shows you've read the other person's profile, maybe asks a couple of questions is all it takes.
.
Profile and pics are important too - your profile is your shop window, so I use mine to sell myself, a generic couple of lines that say "Looking for kinky women to meet" just isn't going to cut it - put some effort into it, show some of your personality and that you've given thought to what you're looking for - again that's how I view mine and it works for me. Likewise with your pics - put some thought into them - make them appealing, and not overly graphic - if you struggle for ideas look around at other guys pics and see what might work for you.
.
I've also found that respect and consideration go a long way, as does having the right attitude, expectations and approach - I never get into graphic sexual conversations or send graphic pics unless there's been encouragement to do so.
.
So don't lose sight of the values of common decency, respect, consideration etc - whilst this *is* a kink/sex site those values are still valid, arguably more so.
.
The other thing I've never done is make meeting people my "aim" using the site - it's a very pleasant byproduct if I do meet people, but making it your aim can lead to frustration, disappointment and desperation if you're not careful and you end up in a downward cycle - I use the site and it's resources for information, education and forum interaction primarily and as I said if anything more develops from that it's a very pleasant bonus.
.
The site provides plenty of tools to help all users have a positive experience so I use them to get that.
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That about sums up my experience which I see as a positive one, there are of course no guarantees but if you follow some of the above I'm sure any negative perceptions will be improved.

Love this. Very well said. But you already know my opinion in opening messages x

[ey****]

I think the first thing is that always assume the person you are speaking with has no obligation to reply or to be interested.

Other things is never to put too much weight into one site or another, to be open minded and never to underestimate passive connections.

Some of the people I have played with this year

- First got talking about Dr Who online

- Met when she was giving a demo at a fetish event and we spoke after (we've gone on to be really good friends)

- Met at an adult industry event as she was looking for people to make fetish content with and I was recommended (we now speak most days) - I appreciate that is not an avenue available to most

- Approached me outright about doing something together

- Met at an event several years ago and stayed in touch

- Met at an event and she decided she wanted to play privately with me

When I approach people I always vet first, i.e. they are someone who interests me and not a bot, and that's why I don't get "pay me" back - that said, there are folks, including on here, who have interested me that I've not reached out to for one reason or another - even if we have talked privately - I am not always as sure of myself as I sound  But I do half feel there is an advantage that if I *did* make any form of approach then they'd at least already have a loose idea what I'm about.  

[Deleted Member]

Expressing a genuine interest in getting to know someone and following through with that is always my approach. My writing in my Boi and the way I stear my conversations reflects that.

We know what everyone on here is looking for it's usually expressed clearly in our profiles, so there is no need to talk about it until we reach a point where we are comfortable to.
It's a wonderful thing to keep bubbling away in the unsaid lines of a conversation, we know it's there and it's going to be talked about but we're going to leave it that little bit longer so it's more sweater when we do.

I like to check limits and boundaries before delving into fantasys to make sure that the wrong notes are never hit and fun is always had.

I think the most important things are sincerity, empathy, and clear communication. If you are steering the conversation you need to put the ship on the right corse, and understand the needs of your passenger.

But that's me

[Go****]

Real recognize real…. Be open and honest and their soul will recognize your soul.
What’s meant to be will be. You can’t *** things to vibe…that will never work.

[Deleted Member]

Just be yourself.

If you have a passion, a dream, a god damn collection of antique brass door knockers. Just be you.

No lines. No d**k pics. Just ask a question, listen for the answer, understand what they're saying.

The only difference between making a friend and starting a relationship is intentions. So make them clear. If they're not into it. Take the L and move on.
 

[au****]

Not responding to questions like this.

[ke****]

Success in what exactly? I hope you're aware this isn't a hookup app, it's a fetish/kink app.. treating it as the former will only irritate the people who are for what it is intended to be. If you're just looking to get your noodle wet you won't find much success because you will quickly be seen through and ignored

[DeviantInside]

44 minutes ago, austickle said:

Not responding to questions like this.

I think it’s a bit late then…

[ge****]

1 hour ago, kevint75 said:

Success in what exactly? I hope you're aware this isn't a hookup app, it's a fetish/kink app.. treating it as the former will only irritate the people who are for what it is intended to be. If you're just looking to get your noodle wet you won't find much success because you will quickly be seen through and ignored

That's one of the reasons I placed the words "success" and "luck" in quotes in my OP - they're often uses in the "can't get a meet/interaction" type threads and personally I dislike their use there as "luck" doesn't really come into it (all the tools are there for everyone to use and have an equal chance at meeting their expectations if they use them, so long as those expectations are set correctly) and "success" suggests an element of winning a prize and that's not what sites like this are about.
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Personally I don't view this as a "hook up" site but I also don't think there's anything wrong with doing so, as long as expectations are set correctly and there's a level of acceptance of how it works and that those expectations may not be met - sadly for many that see it as that kind of site neither of those things are there.

[ge****]

1 hour ago, austickle said:

Not responding to questions like this.

Care to elaborate why?

[so****]

What works? Being a normal f***ing person 😂 being nice, being kind, accepting, accommodating, empathetic, having a good paying job, not living at home with your f***in parents 🤣 being in excellent physical shape, looking good, not being a gross slob, being confident, having high testosterone energy so to speak. Just basic ass sh** that most normal women find attractive 👍🏻just be kind, be nice, get in shape, work out, exercise, start a business or be otherwise financially successful & things will happen, trust me🌹

[ge****]

2 hours ago, sonofthunder777 said:

What works? Being a normal f***ing person 😂 being nice, being kind, accepting, accommodating, empathetic, having a good paying job, not living at home with your f***in parents 🤣 being in excellent physical shape, looking good, not being a gross slob, being confident, having high testosterone energy so to speak. Just basic ass sh** that most normal women find attractive 👍🏻just be kind, be nice, get in shape, work out, exercise, start a business or be otherwise financially successful & things will happen, trust me🌹

Whilst there's lots there I'd agree with, particularly some of the more "value" based stuff - I don't think either being in "excellent" physical shape or financially successful are prerequisites, or even a guarantee, to work on sites like this - I'm neither financially well off nor in peak fitness and am a typical Mr Average physically and yet am more than happy with my experience over the years.
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If those things work for you, then that's great - and I'm not putting them down or seeking to be contentious with what I've said, but think it's important to point out *** and peak fitness or even good looks are not absolute requirements either - and I do so because one of the lines often rolled out by men whose expectations aren't being met is "I'm not a rich gym fit Adonis and that's why no one will respond to me, let alone meet me" which is simply not true.
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Sure there are *some* women who seek wealth or looks or both, but there are also plenty of women (I'd go so far as to say the majority) for whom neither thing is as important as other factors.