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Collaring


South1

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Posted

When collaring someone, what are the red flags and green flags in your eyes? 

Obviously everyone has different opinions on this.

Do you think that if someone is very quick to collar someone, without knowing what a dynamic will look like is a red flag?

Multiple dynamics that were quite k to collar failing?

What questions do you ask before accepting a collar from someone?

How long do you wait before giving/receiving one?

Do you collar just for the sake of the fact  you've entered a dynamic on the first day?

Are their "rules" to follow around collaring?

Posted

So there are no real rules that you have to follow, the whole concept of collaring is a relatively new idea 

the most important thing is that you are both on the same wave length about the collar and what it means or signifies.   It going on and off can signal the start or end of play or protocol.    A lot of people like the idea of 'earning' a collar which is worn permanently, this shouldn't be something to do easily, but there are a lot of people find this goal-driven approach to be one which causes some subs to slack a little after they've reached the objective (the collar) - the idea should remain that the collar can be given and earnt, the collar can also be taken away.

Outside of any form of private arrangement, there are people in the kink community who may have opinions on if they see someone with a collar.  The only opinions that should matter is if someone is in a collar then they are signifying they are submissive and, likely, to be owned - in higher protocol settings this might mean they cannot speak without the owners permission - but that type of pretence seems to have mostly died out and all that should matter is this is a clear indicator this sub is owned (whether 'owned' is permanently, or just for the evening is of no concern to them) 

Posted
I have a collared sub and she had to earn her collar, she wanted it early in the relationship but I made her wait and work for it. I wanted to make sure she earned and understood what it meant to me and to us. She now wears a day collar with a padlock and has another collar that she wears when we play or go out to dinner etc. The collar will mean something different to different dynamics. I know for some a collar is just a collar...it only takes on significance when the people involved make it significant... just my two cents...
Posted
So me and Daddy have been dating for 7months, I'm still not officially collared although it's in the pipe line. He always made it clear at least 6months to know it's the real deal etc
Posted
I have a play collar that I have to have on when we play but my official collaring will be a discrete day kind that will be permanently on 🥰
Posted

I can sense how proud you are of the coming moment. Made me smile! Thanks. 

Posted
7 minutes ago, jameswhat said:

I can sense how proud you are of the coming moment. Made me smile! Thanks. 

I agree..and you should be.. the two of you have put feeling and meaning into the collar together..

Posted (edited)

Im not into the collaring thing, same as im not into marriage......however i would view both the same as in if someone suggested collaring/marriage after a very short period then i dont think they are taking it seriously x

Edited by Cheekysub247
Posted
to me collaring is a sign of trust, bond and commitment to each other. bring one of the first things to me is a red flag but after months of playing or being together then a green flag. it's all about timing. it should be a special moment. if they want too then fine as it's also a fetish. i was with one submissive years ago that wanted me to one on here a few times after we played and been together but took off after. but in a dynamic to me it's a symbol like a engagement ring or what ever else
Posted
35 minutes ago, Cheekysub247 said:

Im not into the collaring thing, same as im not into marriage......however i would view both the same as in if someone suggested collaring/marriage after a very short period then i dont think they are taking it seriously x

It does surprise me how many people aren't into it. For me a collar is a sign of engagement within the lifestyle, it has significant importance and shouldn't be done willy nilly so to speak.

Posted

Something to be aware of that has not been mentioned either in the OP or the comments is that there are different types of collar:

  • Play Collar
  • Collar of Protection  (Kind of a security blanket)
  • Collar of Consideration  (Could be given before any dynamic)
  • Collar of Ownership (More an M/s but would be given right at the start - especially in Gorean)
  • Training Collar  (Could be given right at the start of the dynamic)
  • Lifetime Collar  (This is the one that is often earned)

So being collared quickly is not necessarily a bad thing.

 

Posted
I actually have this bright orange collar I use when I have a new sub in for training, we use it during play...
Posted

@South1 i understand and respect people that do it, its a traditional thing.

Im just not traditional lol

Ive worn collars but its mostly  just needed for the activity involved for restraint ect x

Posted
Depends on the relationship.
If playmates...straight away.
If lovers then you explore eachother more and over a longer period of time.
Posted (edited)
31 minutes ago, FETMOD-BD said:

 

So being collared quickly is not necessarily a bad thing.

 

Correct there are many types of collars. But when someone jumps into a full blown D/s ir M/s with ownership collared, without knowing how things would look, wouldn't this be jumping the gun? More so if they are likely to be hurt, but have a pattern of jumping into things very quickly without knowing if it will work.

Edited by South1
More info
Posted
1 hour ago, South1 said:

Correct there are many types of collars. But when someone jumps into a full blown D/s ir M/s with ownership collared, without knowing how things would look, wouldn't this be jumping the gun? More so if they are likely to be hurt, but have a pattern of jumping into things very quickly without knowing if it will work.

But also equally, if you have a best friend, and you seen repeatedly they collared on day 1 and got hurt...would you be concerned for them as well? Would it be something you'd say something about about to help protect them especiallyif you believe theyve moved too fast, and they potentially may get hurt? If this was your bestest friend in the world. How do you word it to them your potentially worried about them being hurt

Posted
9 hours ago, South1 said:

But also equally, if you have a best friend, and you seen repeatedly they collared on day 1 and got hurt...would you be concerned for them as well? Would it be something you'd say something about about to help protect them especiallyif you believe theyve moved too fast, and they potentially may get hurt? If this was your bestest friend in the world. How do you word it to them your potentially worried about them being hurt

the kinda problem is less "there are different types of collars" and more "collars mean different things to different people" and it's important that before giving or accepting a collar that the two are on the same wavelength of what this means.

Regardless of if this was handed down on day 1, or day 1000.

Someone sets themselves up for hurt in any relationship if their expectations on day 1 exceed the national progression of relationships.  That, most relationships fail. 

Posted
It is up to the people in the Dynamic .. at vetting stage certainly not.. once submission is given then your D decides all . If you do not know what your dynamic will look like then don't enter into it till you do ..
Posted

I'm so excited to be properly collared by him. I whole heartedly adore him. But I'd also be going into a full relationship not just D/s 

Posted
This is an open forum and I want to understand where everyone is coming from. I respect everyone's opinion whether I agree or not..
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