First step, first message

[si****]

How to determine the first message, or the first step, in trying to make a connection with someone?
Formal and polite?
Indirect and conversational?
Saucy and horny?
Balls to the walls ordering and cybersubmitting?

What has been the result?
Answers from both sensing and receiving ends of these comments is greatly appreciated.

[Mistaken]

I would say polite and friendly
Let them talk to the real you

[Deleted Member]

I think generally it depends on the person, what they're after, and you can normally get an idea from reading thier profile.

But i think it's generally accepted that going in hot and heavy with demands, honorifics, and "what you're going to do to them" is a fast tracked way to getting blocked.

[sm****]

Polite and friendly, and if they take an interest should get back.

Just don't be offended if you don't get a reply, people don't reply for a number of reasons, not compatible, or just inundated with messages from a number of people, and some are not online everyday to reply.

Sometimes you may get a response a few weeks later, I have on occasion.  Just don't inundate someone with a stream of messages if your not getting a reply.

I endeavour to reply to all, but sometimes it's a few days or so as im not online 24/7 and real life comes first.

Response rates vary tbh you might be combatable with each other but messages get lost, especially when female message box gets flooded, and you don't get read, it's life sadly on the internet,

But polite and respectful always rules and shows decent character, and they tend to stand out a lot more from my experiences chatting with people on here.

Hope this helps.

Smee

 

 

[Fakename]

Depends on what you're after and what they're after. If you try something overtly sexual you might get a reply or blocked or just ignored. Try being polite and when you know them better you can ask further and develop rules and boundaries etc. Etc.

[sm****]

p.s i forgot to add, the ratio of getting a reply can be very low, just don't let it get to you.

[Deleted Member]

For a first message, I definitely prefer a polite and friendly one. It's what I believe to be the proper way of starting, but I have tried various approaches, and none seem to work particularly well anyways.

On a few occasions, I have received saucy first messages that worked, but generally speaking, that kind of first message comes across as desperate, too eager or just too much

A subtly saucy starter is nice, but it can be a fine line, and people have a much better chance of catching my attention with a simple "hi" or "hello" (which people for some reason think is a bad starter... Can we change that mindset, please?)

[UK****]

12 minutes ago, Cupio said:

people have a much better chance of catching my attention with a simple "hi" or "hello" (which people for some reason think is a bad starter... Can we change that mindset, please?)

It's not that it's a bad starter for some, however imagine you have lots of message, some have gone to the effort to craft a reply, someone else just says 'hi".  If you want to improve your chances, you have to provide a reason for reply.  That ranks very low in that respect.

[Cheekysub247]

I prefer the same as i would in person, if a guy came up to me in a bar and told me where he wants to stick his thing, he would get a very blunt reply or before ive put them on floor!
You can be polite and flirty in a first message, show someone you have actually read the profile, and really read it, not read and ignore whats on it and continue to pester why they think things dont apply to them grrrr

[BigPolly]

Polite & friendly with indirect conversation in the first instance
@Cheekysub247 has got it spot on

Edited October 26, 2022 by BigPolly

[Deleted Member]

Polite & friendly. Although, if I’m interested in someone, it doesn’t really matter how they start a conversation with me—I’m just happy to engage.

Edited October 26, 2022 by Deleted Member

[ey****]

The first thing to remember is there is no silver bullet.  Whatever approach you find works or doesn't will not work every time.

Usually the first step is NOT sending a message.  The first step is actually seeing if you are interested and weighing up if they would be interested in you.

A lot of this can be in reading profiles,  including the interview bit at the bottom - obviously this can be somewhat at the mercy of how much they've filled in - but if it's a virtually empty profile then, well, what is it that interests you?  Reaching out in blind hope here will largely go against you.

From there, from the first message.   It doesn't have to be war and peace, in fact, shouldn't be.   Keep it brief, but make it count.

Introduce yourself, give some kind of indication you have read their profile, then a potentially conversational question.

Some people will message "wanna chat?" well if they then replied, "what about?" then why isn't the what about in your opening message?

If the person is active on the forums or in the chat there is already a likely conversation opener from something they have said.   

The message should feel natural.  It makes it easier for the other person to read, feels like there's an effort, but you haven't spent hours pouring soul into it to then not get a reply

[si****]

Thank you everyone for your kind and honest advices. I am truly grateful.
Cheers 🍻

[Macsable]

Not a clue... My wife and I just talking about dabbling.. So maybe some upfront offer of web cam of us being watched... Or am I in the wrong group