Ok I give up

[Mr_Shins]

You want my money but I can't find anything on this site except the archetypal stuff I find elsewhere. And fetlife is totally free so how is this site any better.

You remove my photo without any explanation exactly why it was removed. Yet I see explicit photos elsewhere on this site.

Every female I have looked up wants a life partner not fun play. Or are a "pro domme" who wants money, and I can find those easily without joining this site. Most "pro dommes" charge more than common prostitutes who will often if asked do BDSM activity.

There is no "feedback" here, nobody to ask anything. So I see no point in parting with good money for bad when I can't see what I will gain.

I couldn't even post on the forum without needing moderator approval, so this is really for the mods than anyone else.

 

 

[ey****]

46 minutes ago, Mr_Shins said:

Every female I have looked up wants a life partner not fun play.

 

every woman (corrected that for you) wants a partner? on a dating site? woah. knock me down with a feather.

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 Most "pro dommes" charge more than common prostitutes who will often if asked do BDSM activity.

you seem to have knowledge of this industry inside out.  Mind, I'm not sure I'd trust a full service sex worker (corrected that for you) with, say, needle play... 

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And fetlife is totally free so how is this site any better.

actually, fetlife isn't - as well as having 3rd party ads (which this site doesn't) it also has limitations if you don't  pay to support (and this site also has a free version) - also, fetlife isn't a dating site, nor set up as one.  Which brings it's own limitations.

 

[Deleted Member]

You come across to cringy. So what if most people want a life, this is one hell of a world to explore. If people are lucky enough to find a life partner doing it, that is fantastic. Life partners can usually be trusted a lot more than people for casual fun, that isn't saying there isn't decent people out there just wanting casual fun. Each individual has different needs. Obviously yours can't be met here so move along. I have met some amazing friends on this site, but I've also spoken to some people have never even look at again. You just have to take the good with the bad.

[Mr_Shins]

You are the one who has called it an "industry".

For this site, I guess it is - it's business for them.

Yes I am here hoping to meet someone who will be a willing participant in my chosen kink, who might enjoy doing the same, and I'm not saying I would only meet them one-off but does it have to be part of a relationship? I'd rather keep it "open".

If you're into needle play or need specialised equipment and a well-equipped dungeon then I guess you'd need a pro-domme, or a partner willing to get all that equipment.

I'm not sure if I'm allowed to say on here what my actual fetish is but it requires no special equipment.

 

 

[Mr_Shins]

There you go, one rule for @KinkyBrat19 being allowed to show nudity and one for me with a relatively innocent photo.

Mine can't be met here because those likely to be up for it probably don't join this site.

 

[ey****]

4 minutes ago, Mr_Shins said:

For this site, I guess it is - it's business for them.

spoiler alert : all websites are business based to one degree or another.  Else they'd go bust, given hosting costs money...

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I'm not sure if I'm allowed to say on here what my actual fetish is but it requires no special equipment.

is it illegal?

if so, you shouldn't be here.  if not, then it's fine. given there's a scat sub forum...

re: photos.  obviously I can't comment - but that's a separate dispute - raise it with support  (https://fetish.servicecenter.de/en-us/) they'll be able to approve your photo or let you know the problem

[Mr_Shins]

I guess it isn't illegal if you both consent to it.

However this site is so full of rules "you can't post that here, you can't say that here...".

If I were allowed to advertise what I am looking for to the world, there would probably be many willing participants. But it's taboo and I'm only supposed to discuss this kind of thing on fetish sites - like this one.

If not on this forum maybe on a different one here? I'd happily pay this site to join if there is any hope of me actually finding what I want.

 

[ey****]

if what you are posting constitutes as a personal ad - then it needs to be done via dating/personal ad.   Personal ads aren't allowed on the forums (to keep it to conversation and not a billion "looking for" or selling posts) 

But yeah, there's a personal ads system

[Deleted Member]

Perhaps give it a little more time?

Your profile says you've only been here a day or two?

Your profile also makes your kink pretty clear.

 

 

[Rm123]

100% agree, all of the stuff on this website that's supposed to keep you here are all hidden behind pay walls, I'm very active within the lobby chat but apart from that there's nothing keeping me here!

[ey****]

like... umm...

you know how internet and business in general works, right?   If you're not the customer you're the product.

in the case of the site - there is a free section and of course extras unlocked from membership : membership which starts at £4 per month (which works out cheaper than comparable rivals) but, as I say, there is a free section and if certain features you want are behind a paywall, then there's a good reason.

[ey****]

you can also earn free memberships with your points - points you get by contributing on the forum, to the photo approval process and participating in the contests amongst others.   When my initial membership lapsed, I cashed in some points for a free one.

[Mr_Shins]

Any post here is likely to draw attention to the poster, get people to look at the profile, and possibly lead to contact, so if merely by posting and getting attention it is considered a personal ad, then having such a forum is flawed.

My point is about "play" versus "relationship".

Firstly, let's get into the numbers game. I reckon the number of males probably outnumbers the number of females. Let's say by 3 to 1. So if everyone is going to pair up in relationships, two thirds of the males here will end up disappointed.

If it's all about open play then a woman will get to play 3 times as frequently as a man but the man will still get his fantasy met. We just share.

Secondly, a relationship is about a lot more than just sexual activity, and I believe kinky fantasies are part of sexual activity, even if it doesn't involve any sex, not even "relief". I find it erotic. That's why I do it. However, and this is just my mindset, whilst I have felt sex is often best monogamous, I have always held a mindset that kinky fetish activity should be more "open".

Whilst I can find women who will "support" my fetish if I pay, it isn't quite as fulfilling, and it isn't about the money, it's more about the feeling that they are doing what they are just for the money. Whilst I am happy to pay a reasonable sum to this site to support it, the aim is to find what I have outlined above, and if I'm not going to find it here I'm wasting my money.

I just hope this site isn't going to follow all the archetypal stereotypes I have seen so far, such that instead of asking "what's your kink" and letting you write it in free words, they force you to stick it among a load of fixed categories, into which mine doesn't actually fall perfectly.

By the way, maybe someone will ask me why I am called Mr Shins.

 

[ey****]

7 minutes ago, Mr_Shins said:

Any post here is likely to draw attention to the poster, get people to look at the profile, and possibly lead to contact, so if merely by posting and getting attention it is considered a personal ad, then having such a forum is flawed.

 

I feel... this is where it's worth putting thought into your posts.  Making forum posts does cause people to check you out - and sometimes this can be a case of "who is this idiot" and sometimes it's a case of "they have interesting things to say - let's see their craic" and the aim to be in the latter.    I think a difference is that in making (hopefully) meaningful posts you are also contributing to a community and, in exchange, people become aware of you - rather than simple "looking for" posts which do not contribute.

 

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Firstly, let's get into the numbers game. I reckon the number of males probably outnumbers the number of females. Let's say by 3 to 1. So if everyone is going to pair up in relationships, two thirds of the males here will end up disappointed.

I don't have access to stats nor the time to look it up - but I know others who have on both similar sites and in head counts in their local fetish groups and... 

the first factor is that not every man or woman is straight - or mono - or even necessarily a man or woman.

So it gets very jiggly when you try to put people into sex, gender, mono/poly, sexuality, fetish dynamic (sub/Dom/fetishist/etc)  but, ultimately, the numbers tend to be a lot closer then men seem to think.

Men are just louder about not being able to find a partner.

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If it's all about open play then a woman will get to play 3 times as frequently as a man but the man will still get his fantasy met. We just share.

I appreciate your ideology but it's not how reality works.   

I work in a very male heavy office - team of 30. Two women.  Some of the other departments balance differently - but still.  If we ONLY looked for *whatever* within the office then we're going to be disappointed.  I mean, we could all have a fortnightly rota with the two ladies, but - ummm - do the ladies not get a say in this?  They might not like any of us.   

One of the things I often say is that if you do genuinely feel numbers are stacked against you - then you have to make sure you are in the cream.   

I did find out that this isn't as difficult as it seems.   There was a good blog I read a while ago, it was actually about financial domination but the info was transferable - that you don't need to be "the best" just... well... good enough.   That there are more men into kink who are timewasters, or expect easy returns, that just by putting in a little effort it's easier to stand out.  

Sometimes this makes me sad - but then sometimes - I've been on the receiving end of some good experiences because of this.

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whilst I have felt sex is often best monogamous, I have always held a mindset that kinky fetish activity should be more "open".

again - just because something is in your ideology doesn't mean it reflects reality.  

However, I know something that some guys struggle with is the "she is poly / she does things with everyone.... why won't she with me?" and yeah, there is a bit more looseness and 'relationship anarchy' within kink - but you still have to be somebody someone wants to do something with.

 

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Whilst I can find women who will "support" my fetish if I pay, it isn't quite as fulfilling, and it isn't about the money, it's more about the feeling that they are doing what they are just for the money.

I do appreciate that mindset massively.  It gets very complex when you get into assorted circles like that.   Just kinda remember that "is being paid for it" and "enjoys doing it with you" aren't mutually exclusive - but - this is a massive complex set up.

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Whilst I am happy to pay a reasonable sum to this site to support it, the aim is to find what I have outlined above, and if I'm not going to find it here I'm wasting my money.

This is a fair logic - I think with any kinda dating site there is, however, no guarantees.  There is a thread where there are a fair few have had success stories - for me it's about looking at a bigger picture.
If, for example, you get involved in going to munches - although these are free, the food and drink is not free and it's easy to suddenly coming away spending a wedge you wouldn't normally have spent.  Some people grumble "i went to 3 munches and didn't meet anybody" - but it's also looking at what else you can gain from it.   Boosting knowledge, making friends, having someone who might not want to do anything with you NOW - but at another point in the right set up... might... 

So, it is a case of looking in a sense of "will I find what I want?" is one angle - but "will being part of this enrich me and ultimately assist in finding what I want?" is another.

I found my Mistress by chance - but the circumstances that led to us meeting and to me being able to impress and maintain the relationship and for to enjoy doing my fetishes with me are down to steps taken elsewhere.

[Deleted Member]

Too soon for you to feel so strongly about this. Take a little more time and stop getting so caught up on words ‘relationship’ ‘lifestyle’ etc. Just explore the site for what it is. If it doesn’t work for you, makes more sense to leave rather than list what you don’t like about it. For most of us, the moderators ensure this doesn’t turn into something like POF!

[Jed]

3 hours ago, Mr_Shins said:

Any post here is likely to draw attention to the poster, get people to look at the profile, and possibly lead to contact, so if merely by posting and getting attention it is considered a personal ad, then having such a forum is flawed.

My point is about "play" versus "relationship".

Firstly, let's get into the numbers game. I reckon the number of males probably outnumbers the number of females. Let's say by 3 to 1. So if everyone is going to pair up in relationships, two thirds of the males here will end up disappointed.

If it's all about open play then a woman will get to play 3 times as frequently as a man but the man will still get his fantasy met. We just share.

Secondly, a relationship is about a lot more than just sexual activity, and I believe kinky fantasies are part of sexual activity, even if it doesn't involve any sex, not even "relief". I find it erotic. That's why I do it. However, and this is just my mindset, whilst I have felt sex is often best monogamous, I have always held a mindset that kinky fetish activity should be more "open".

Whilst I can find women who will "support" my fetish if I pay, it isn't quite as fulfilling, and it isn't about the money, it's more about the feeling that they are doing what they are just for the money. Whilst I am happy to pay a reasonable sum to this site to support it, the aim is to find what I have outlined above, and if I'm not going to find it here I'm wasting my money.

I just hope this site isn't going to follow all the archetypal stereotypes I have seen so far, such that instead of asking "what's your kink" and letting you write it in free words, they force you to stick it among a load of fixed categories, into which mine doesn't actually fall perfectly.

By the way, maybe someone will ask me why I am called Mr Shins.

 

Dear Mr Shins, 

Welcome to the site, you raise some interesting points but some of what you say seems pretty flawed. The site is coming up to its second birthday and as a member for most of that time(both as a free and paid member) I have watched the membership grow, now there will be a good majority of people who join will be here for a hook up/date etc and that's not all of what the site is about, but in the main many who join are lifestyle/community orientated, and their aim is to grow and develop in their own way with interaction with their peers, seeking advice, helping other members in the community and for many building a base of friendship not easily accessible in the "vanilla" world. Now each to his own an all that but what Fetish.com is about is diversity it's not weighted in any one direction but allows people the choice to evolve and educate themselves in many respects. The forum is a fab place for advice or problem solving, the chat rooms have 3 separate area's(general chat, bdsm, and kinks and fetishes, plus the ability to open your own room!) You have the choice to be a free member or for a nominal fee upgrade to a premium or VIP membership(standard across most dating platforms these days)

There is a real sense of kinship for many people who join here, and the level of diversity is backed up by the level of honesty and non-shaming that goes with it, how or what your about is your business, so long as it's deemed acceptable within the rules you come and go as you please. Add an appropriate photo, build a strong profile/bio and engage within the community and you might find yourself surprised by what you find....but starting on a negative basis is simply going to highlight you for all the wrong reasons and won't get you very far.

I hope we see more of you in the lobby, from reading this your well educated and informed and hopefully a great addition to the site.

Regards 

Jed

 

[3S****]

Pretty sure upgrading to get access to better site features doesn't guarantee you a free NSA kink session. So that's your first mistake.

You're after NSA freebies but only see women seeking relationships or payment for services for your fetish? Well, women are allowed to have their own wants and needs sexually. Pretty sure patriarchy and bowing to the demands of men went out of style many decades ago. So....You can complain about it all you want (as is your right) and even blame the site  (even though realistically it is not he sites fault) but unfortunately your fantasies and what excites you doesn't appeal to the majority of women, as you have found out already.

There's also a topic around the forums asking what kinks have they missed from the list,  anyone is welcome to contribute to that.  It's actually stickied so you may have already seen it?

The mods seem pretty good at trying to get this site to work for all members.

[RosesHaveThorns75]

You seem to want a personalised Fetish site just for "your own needs"?!? Don't we all Lol But its much more general Fetish site here than being that it seems to try to be inclusive I'd say).....its got very good educational status with stuff to read & learn here and ask Qs and that's Free to access for all members (just joined a site where you had to pay just to read Bdsm topics) If you've joined a site and its not right for you (which I did recently) then you need to leave to find a better match or whatever?!? Something very "woe is me" and entitled feeling about this post which is tedious ....it does take quite a while and time&effort to work out how best to utilise this and other websites ive found myself.....