Message behaviour problems

[Ch****]

I notice there seems to be a common problem with how people behave when messaging someone. Having just gone through this again myself and seen this happen to alot of others too. It comes down to just being aware that you are engaging in a conversation with another person. so being in the middle of a conversation and suddenly dropping out creating a long deadzone of silence is going to make the other person think you are not interested anymore, and create a bad reaction from them. The deadzone can be caused by one person just performing everyday tasks. But they have not said anything to the  person that they was in deep conversation with, so they don't know the other person is busy and will respond in a while. Just a basic "sorry I've got to go out for a while, chat later" would solve a whole lot of this problem. But this doesn't happen, one minute you will be pinging messages back and forth, then it goes silent for hours, before then the other person starts to message again as if there is no problem with that...it's totally rude to leave someone hanging and not tell them you won't be around for a while and expect them not to have a problem with it. It's basic manners. You would not do that to someone to there face or even in a phone call. So why think it's acceptable way to act in messaging...a little courtesy would stop alot of bad endings and arguments 

[Doobz]

Is it a lack of manners? Ignorance? Hello BTW 😘

[Ch****]

Just now, Doobz said:

Is it a lack of manners? Ignorance? Hello BTW 😘

Seems to be. I tell people if I can't reply for a while because I don't want them to think I have lost interest 

[CopperKnob]

Whilst I tend to agree, I also think it's about context really. In terms of, where they are in the conversation. Personally, hours, is not so much of a problem. Moat people will have jobs of some description and/other other responsibility. Days, weeks, months, depends on what type of relationship the interaction is, or is hoped to be heading towards. But yep, generally 2mins to write out, "super busy, speak...." is, I think, common courtesy.

[Ch****]

Just now, CopperKnob said:

Whilst I tend to agree, I also think it's about context really. In terms of, where they are in the conversation. Personally, hours, is not so much of a problem. Moat people will have jobs of some description and/other other responsibility. Days, weeks, months, depends on what type of relationship the interaction is, or is hoped to be heading towards. But yep, generally 2mins to write out, "super busy, speak...." is, I think, common courtesy.

Exactly that, I am mindful how things will be perceived to the other person 

[DocRoberts]

You're absolutely right. There are many advantages in communicating via messages but we have to admit there are disadvantages too, including being misconstrued. We have to fight basic misunderstanding/s far more often than in rl. We have a kind of obligation to make our chats as 'real' as possible and the little things you describe will make a big difference 😊

[Sl****]

I would never expect the sort of conversation manners on any kind of app to be fair.. I would always expect them to disappear and never return because that’s what the online world is about really..

I get really surprised and scared when I get messaged back again and again until they disappear for good then I am back in my comfort zone.

I always make a point of communicating when I’m going to be absent but also I socially die a lot so I would be gone for long periods of time sometimes unless the person is really really the person of my dreams or something.

[Du****]

Just to provide a different perspective, IMs, DMs, Text Messages, and other similar forms of communication kinda fit into a middle ground between more direct forms of communication (Talking in person, Voice Chat/Phone Call, Video Call, etc.) and more drawn out forms of communication (E-mail, snail mail, Forum/Board messaging, etc). Shorter forms of communication generally have the expectation of instant or near instant replies, while longer forms require far more patience (sometimes days or weeks go by before you get a response). With instant messaging, it can be near instantaneous or longer and drawn out, and as such, it shouldn’t be unreasonable to expect there to be delays of hours in some replies.

[De****]

Couldn't agree more, a little consideration and manners cost nothing. Unfortunately the unwritten rules of interaction seem very different for online vs irl, it's a shame really

[DarkArts1066]

“Once upon a time, in a Galaxy far, far away……….”

There was a world without mobile phones, or mobile devices of any kind.

A telephone was exactly that. A telephone. If you wanted to speak with someone - who wasn’t in the room with you, you would use this device. It was, to all intents and purposes - instantaneous.

For conversations which were less important, we had the fax machine, and before that, the ‘Telex’. These were not quite instantaneous. If the place you were sending a fax - or telex to was closed (out of business hours perhaps..) then you received the fax or telex when they opened.

If the subject of your conversation did not require an immediate response, one could write a letter, or send a postcard.
Now, a letter could take a couple of days - or a couple of weeks. There are documented cases of postcards actually taking years to arrive at their destination.

Fast forward now to the modern, progressive technological world.
If I send a text…. I expect a reply now.
Not in a few hours - now.
Why are you not standing, phone in hand, waiting for my message to arrive ?
I need to tell you- immediately, that I am “on the train”. It’s important that you know that, because I might not walk through the door at 6:47 every weekday evening.
Sometimes it might be 6:48.

If I send an email, it’s because the content is critical to the state of world peace… or at least to let you know that I am “on the train”.

We have Snapchat, TikTok, Telegram, KiK, WhatsApp ……..
Why have you not liked my picture/post/comment/meme of me “on the train” ?

We still have the telephone ……….

Nobody uses the telephone.

What ? - actually “speak” with someone ???
Weirdo.


My point ?


We are now conditioned that an immediate reply is expected. Demanded.
If you don’t reply to my message, then you are rude, disrespectful, ghosting……

Let’s assume the worst- automatically.
Why is that ?

OR - maybe that train I am trying to tell you I am on is in a tunnel - or a cutting, and I have no signal ?
(Most mobile phone service providers claim 99% network coverage. Yeah, right.)

Maybe, in the middle of our naughty chat (which you have instigated) my five year old has fallen in the garden, and cut, bruised or broken a body part, and requires my immediate or undivided attention - inconveniently for the three minutes you need me to help you get off ……

Sometimes - the unpredictable - or Maternal/Paternal instinct takes over, and you ……….. yes - you, are not the most important person in the room -which I am not currently sharing with you.

(That last comment is NOT aimed at anyone in particular !…. Just in case you were wondering.)

I will award a special prize to anyone who can accurately tell me the purpose of my (slightly tongue-in-cheek) comments above….

I’m happy to wait…. In fact, answers on a postcard - if you like ?

[Doobz]

19 minutes ago, Chiana said:

Seems to be. I tell people if I can't reply for a while because I don't want them to think I have lost interest 

Forgive me being slow to respond x just navigating in circles ATM attempting to fill in my profile 🤦‍♀️ I did manage a pic woop woop! 🤣

[Ch****]

5 minutes ago, eoinexploring said:

Couldn't agree more, a little consideration and manners cost nothing. Unfortunately the unwritten rules of interaction seem very different for online vs irl, it's a shame really

Yes it is a shame, it can ruin your whole outlook on that person even though they didn't think anything of it themselves. And it's so easy to stop happening 

[Doobz]

4 minutes ago, Chiana said:

Yes it is a shame, it can ruin your whole outlook on that person even though they didn't think anything of it themselves. And it's so easy to stop happening 

I guess we need very thick skin when interacting with most peeps online and it is a shame x

[De****]

25 minutes ago, DocRoberts said:

You're absolutely right. There are many advantages in communicating via messages but we have to admit there are disadvantages too, including being misconstrued. We have to fight basic misunderstanding/s far more often than in rl. We have a kind of obligation to make our chats as 'real' as possible and the little things you describe will make a big difference 😊

Yes, and we all have to examine our assumptions !

[Ha****]

It's happened to me before, and I certainly don't make a drama out of it. It's a matter of how you live your own life. Nowadays you have to be prepared for an increased dose of selfishness, a decreased dose of empathy and politeness and the absence of communication skills. Expectations that are too high lead to even more disappointments.

[Ch****]

1 minute ago, Doobz said:

I guess we need very thick skin when interacting with most peeps online and it is a shame x

Yes this is true

[Deleted Member]

Happens to me everyday, I'll get a message/send one and nothing. I've been on here for almost two weeks and no one seems to know how to chat/talk anymore.

[Ch****]

11 minutes ago, MeatyB said:

Happens to me everyday, I'll get a message/send one and nothing. I've been on here for almost two weeks and no one seems to know how to chat/talk anymore.

First message not getting a reply is expected ,happens alot unfortunately. And it is a whole different discussion that has been talked about on here . This is more when you are in full conversation and have been talking for days

[Cheekysub247]

I sometimes have to stop mid conversation, i use my phone. No time to write a message saying will be back later.....
It might be my son has entered the room and i have to close the phone quick, maybe he needs something, could be an hour or so before i pick up my phone again.
I care for my mum and maybe theres an incident i need to take care of, could be hours again before i touch my phone.
I just look at it as sometimes life happens, i will pick up again when i can. If the other person isnt patient enough to wait then they have the choice to move on x

[Ch****]

5 minutes ago, Cheekysub247 said:

I sometimes have to stop mid conversation, i use my phone. No time to write a message saying will be back later.....
It might be my son has entered the room and i have to close the phone quick, maybe he needs something, could be an hour or so before i pick up my phone again.
I care for my mum and maybe theres an incident i need to take care of, could be hours again before i touch my phone.
I just look at it as sometimes life happens, i will pick up again when i can. If the other person isnt patient enough to wait then they have the choice to move on x

But I'm sure you would explain the situation after, rather than just trying to pick up hours/ days later as if that break in time hadn't happened, always hear someone out if there is a reason. I'm sure you would want to know yourself 

[Cheekysub247]

@Chiana yes i do say "sorry bout that ......" 

If the convo has been one that is of progressing, as in potential.

I have many convos on here that are just chit chat, could be days weeks with no messages between us, but they will know(or should know) that its banter nothing more. 

[Ch****]

4 minutes ago, Cheekysub247 said:

@Chiana yes i do say "sorry bout that ......" 

If the convo has been one that is of progressing, as in potential.

I have many convos on here that are just chit chat, could be days weeks with no messages between us, but they will know(or should know) that its banter nothing more. 

Yes the potential type convo. I see it as this is a BDSM site, we talk all the time about entering into dynamics and the key things that go with this , consent ,good communication, trust, respect... The same should be when messaging. You are trying to start a dynamic with someone after all

[Cheekysub247]

@Chiana and thats what i give people who show the same 😊

[Du****]

Hard disagree ☺️ This is little more than a social media platform and, unless explicit agreement is made with respect to the extent of the relationship, any communication is merely casual. Many people have busy lives; Fet may be a sweet escape from any number of daily stresses. Likewise, those same obligations may make communication difficult at times.
.
I’m frequently blocked for “not replying fast enough” - for some, three or four days is unacceptable; for others, seven minutes is an unconscionable wait. In all cases, they have no idea what else is going on in my life, what I’m experiencing at that moment. Good luck to them, because clearly we’ve nothing in common.

[do****]

2 hours ago, DarkArts1066 said:

“Once upon a time, in a Galaxy far, far away……….”

There was a world without mobile phones, or mobile devices of any kind.

A telephone was exactly that. A telephone. If you wanted to speak with someone - who wasn’t in the room with you, you would use this device. It was, to all intents and purposes - instantaneous.

For conversations which were less important, we had the fax machine, and before that, the ‘Telex’. These were not quite instantaneous. If the place you were sending a fax - or telex to was closed (out of business hours perhaps..) then you received the fax or telex when they opened.

If the subject of your conversation did not require an immediate response, one could write a letter, or send a postcard.
Now, a letter could take a couple of days - or a couple of weeks. There are documented cases of postcards actually taking years to arrive at their destination.

Fast forward now to the modern, progressive technological world.
If I send a text…. I expect a reply now.
Not in a few hours - now.
Why are you not standing, phone in hand, waiting for my message to arrive ?
I need to tell you- immediately, that I am “on the train”. It’s important that you know that, because I might not walk through the door at 6:47 every weekday evening.
Sometimes it might be 6:48.

If I send an email, it’s because the content is critical to the state of world peace… or at least to let you know that I am “on the train”.

We have Snapchat, TikTok, Telegram, KiK, WhatsApp ……..
Why have you not liked my picture/post/comment/meme of me “on the train” ?

We still have the telephone ……….

Nobody uses the telephone.

What ? - actually “speak” with someone ???
Weirdo.


My point ?


We are now conditioned that an immediate reply is expected. Demanded.
If you don’t reply to my message, then you are rude, disrespectful, ghosting……

Let’s assume the worst- automatically.
Why is that ?

OR - maybe that train I am trying to tell you I am on is in a tunnel - or a cutting, and I have no signal ?
(Most mobile phone service providers claim 99% network coverage. Yeah, right.)

Maybe, in the middle of our naughty chat (which you have instigated) my five year old has fallen in the garden, and cut, bruised or broken a body part, and requires my immediate or undivided attention - inconveniently for the three minutes you need me to help you get off ……

Sometimes - the unpredictable - or Maternal/Paternal instinct takes over, and you ……….. yes - you, are not the most important person in the room -which I am not currently sharing with you.

(That last comment is NOT aimed at anyone in particular !…. Just in case you were wondering.)

I will award a special prize to anyone who can accurately tell me the purpose of my (slightly tongue-in-cheek) comments above….

I’m happy to wait…. In fact, answers on a postcard - if you like ?

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 such articulation! So on point. The purpose of your comment is "don't be a dick". Practice patience and humility in all your engagements, whether it's reciprocated or not. You did your part being the best you. If it's not reciprocated, oh well, life goes on. There will be more engagements and chances for communication pet peeves to be met. We engage to search for what we like and don't like, not to change people. If their manners are not to our liking, we have the option to disengage communication. I think we have a right to express how we would like to be communicated with, but not the right to hold people to it. Just the right to discontinue communication if they do not follow. Great morning conversation starter. Thanks