FWB

[Deleted Member]

So outside of the morale question of potentially cheating with your wife...

I have had way more FWB than relationships, sometimes my choice, and sometimes what the other person wanted.

I think the reason for this is I am a good company, I like to go to nice bars, restaurants and people and their background in general intrigue me so I tend to ask lots of questions and also unless appropriate I don't bang on about the fact we may or may not have sex later. Its never really been titled as fwb it's always been organic or when we get to the conversation one of us has had a preference to keep it "casual". 90% of the time it has happened simply from a tinder match and a date.

Now I'm single so maybe you have way more hurdles but that has been my experience.

[Deleted Member]

I find that my results are better in real life than on apps. My theory is that apps give people the impression of near infinite options.

[Fo****]

I disagree. As a married woman, I find it hard to find other female fwb. It's the women in general that are harder to find and mesh with.

[Deleted Member]

Tuesday at 12:03 PM, askaugust said:

So... you made no mention of your wife knowing what's up and I don't wish you good luck in cheating. Nasty.

Exactly the reaction we are talking about. Your average woman finds it 'nasty' for a man to cheat on their spouse, but table gossip if it's a woman cheating on her husband and asking intimate details.

[Ba****]

Not all men feel the need to have an emotional connection with a woman to have sex with it seems, but most woman want some kind of connection before they'll hook up. I've actually been wanting to hook up with a couple to have a 3 some MWM or WMW without any luck and it seems most the couples my age want alot younger guys. I'm 52 and in good shape, maybe even better shape than some of the younger guys. So I feel it's like marketing the more you have contact with the better your chances are

[Ki****]

Can't leave her just for that reason? The f**k you can't 😂

[Sh****]

If she is going through or starting menopause i suggest HRT that was a major game changer in our lives. No sex for a year, i was so close to divorcing him because i knew he was a very sexual person when we married, he is also 7 years younger than me, wasn't fair to him. HRT was my saving grace!

[He****]

On 5/3/2023 at 3:53 AM, RoseLips said:

Already commented on this topic earlier but reading all the comments has really got me thinking....  I am interested to know just how many women would truly be happy to have a fwb/NSA/f**kbuddy type relationship with a married man if he said his wife was ok with it and they had an open relationship?  Would they believe him or would they need proof from the wife??

I ask because I've had various women of the bunny boiler variety contact me over the years (latest one today!!)  to "inform me" that my husband is "cheating" only for me to blow the wind out of their sails by telling them he has my permission and blessing so there's no cheating and to stop trying to cause trouble...  

I'm genuinely intrigued by this.  Do women say they want NSA fwb but secretly hope they will get more than that out of it, so if there's a wife then she's in the way so to speak??  Are women just not programmed to want NSA sex and only want "relationships" whereas men are perhaps more likely to just want sex??   I'm not casting judgement on anyone at all, I'm just genuinely interested because this is something that does affect my relationship.  Even when I say I'm ok with it, they still take the moral high ground and get hissy about it....  I don't get it....

 

Way back when my husband was in the Navy and sailed 6 months at a time, I said he could do what he needed to, only 2 rules, he was to not get any exotic diseases and nobody was to ever knock at our door to say this child is yours. I come from a family of lots of half siblings, I didn't want that for our son. I was okay with it, it was my idea, he was younger than me, and a good looking man, I knew the girls would throw themselves at him, and he had a high sex drive. It was sex with no meaning so I didn't care. I did the same here. It didn't go on forever but it was fine whilst in that situation. Toward the end of his life his sex drive became much less and I was fine with that too. Now I'm alone, I don't want NSA with different people I do want a relationship even if it's not living together and will never take a FWB, that's just a bad idea, for me. If I still in my 20's or 30's it would be different, I'd be open to more. Hope this answer makes sense to you

[Deleted Member]

6 hours ago, Hels1920 said:

Way back when my husband was in the Navy and sailed 6 months at a time, I said he could do what he needed to, only 2 rules, he was to not get any exotic diseases and nobody was to ever knock at our door to say this child is yours. I come from a family of lots of half siblings, I didn't want that for our son. I was okay with it, it was my idea, he was younger than me, and a good looking man, I knew the girls would throw themselves at him, and he had a high sex drive. It was sex with no meaning so I didn't care. I did the same here. It didn't go on forever but it was fine whilst in that situation. Toward the end of his life his sex drive became much less and I was fine with that too. Now I'm alone, I don't want NSA with different people I do want a relationship even if it's not living together and will never take a FWB, that's just a bad idea, for me. If I still in my 20's or 30's it would be different, I'd be open to more. Hope this answer makes sense to you

It does, yes. Thank you for sharing your story X 

[Ae****]

Why - most women would sleep with most men if they paid them enough; and most men would sleep with most woman just because they have vaginas. Men and women have different standards that they must meet to be successful sexually. Men's are very very low compared to womens.
Because of biology, ultimately. It led to a supply/demand dynamic between the sexes.
Regarding advice, I offer none, other than the default, get a therapist.

[pe****]

people might think youre lying about the marriage being open

[JourSans]

On 5/1/2023 at 12:02 AM, Spiral66 said:

Women tend to focus on the F part where men are only interested in the B.

Is that true or a stereotype ?   I can't claim I know the answer - I'd have thought most men want an emotional connection above a sexual one - that's not to say they don't want a sexual one but we aren't all completely shallow ... are we !?   

[JourSans]

On 5/2/2023 at 1:03 PM, askaugust said:

So... you made no mention of your wife knowing what's up and I don't wish you good luck in cheating. Nasty.

This is an easy response when you are young and the world is black and white.  When you are in middle or old age and perhaps your capacity to start again, maybe financially or even emotionally, is limited, or maybe your partner's ability to start again is limited, it is less straightforward.     

 

For the OP - there are plenty of women looking for an affair - I think apps where every woman gets bombarded with messages are not the most fruitful places to look.   I would warn you though once you unleash feelings and emotions you can't predict how the situation will play out so if your FWB turns up at your front door declaring to your family who she is or you fall madly for them only for them to break it off and leave you heartbroken but with nobody to share it with you can't say you weren't warned ! 

[ey****]

4 hours ago, JourSans said:

Is that true or a stereotype ?   I can't claim I know the answer - I'd have thought most men want an emotional connection above a sexual one - that's not to say they don't want a sexual one but we aren't all completely shallow ... are we !?   

I think that there is a lot of truth in the sense that FWB arrangements usually actually start with two people being friends.  So when men start looking for FWB arrangements but seem to skim over the whole "friends" thing it's all about what benefits them.

[Mr****]

Your happiness is the most important thing you have to look in the mirror and have a blunt conversation with yourself be real about your feelings if you desire something you not getting ask yourself what role you play in it did you cause something say something the idea that woman or man doesn’t want to have sex is asinine. Especially if they are married. But it is possible to have those feelings. The question is do you want to live your life out reaching her needs and desires and her not reaching yours.

[as****]

I never claimed it to be a black and white scenario. But adults need to have conversations about these things, cheating is abhorent and destroys families. Yall are delusional if u thing there's an overall double standard that makes women okay w cheaters when thier friend is the straying party. Whens the last time u sat at such a dinner table of women anyways???? Watchung too many samn movies.
If yall agree to not discuss specifics that's fine. If yall even wanna pretend the affairs are secret for thrill that's fine. If you wanna be butthurt that no one wants to be your secret lady when u can't even communicate with the lady u have, you're a child mentally.

Shades of grey.... if you're too pussy or unable to "start again" stop frucking risking what you have built. If you care at all to preserve the existing relationship, talk about intentions, don't go behind her back for a f**k!

[CopperKnob]

Because 🍆 is plentiful and low value. If that's all you're bringing to the table you can't be surprised when nobody gives a shit.

[Ae****]

Yh. Men will tolerate even very unappealing women because 🕳️. That's all they need to bring to the table for sex. Being loved and respected though... different convo.

[Mr****]

Don’t you know if a woman is 100 pounds or 500 pounds she can get laid a lot easier than an ugly dude or a good looking guy.

[Fa****]

That is very true

[wa****]

New here what is FWB?

[ey****]

2 hours ago, wannatrianything said:

New here what is FWB?

Friend with Benefits

usually someone who is in your friend circle who you have some form of casual/non-committal sexual/intimate relationship with

[Li****]

April 30, eyemblacksheep said:

one of the reasons men tend to struggle with finding "friends with benefits" is they focus too much on the "with benefits" and not enough on the "friends"

to ask whether women "have it easier" - in these hetro spaces it's with men - so no real difference - no greater amounts of opportunities.

 

also - cheating with no intention of leaving your partner is rarely a good deal for the other person, this ends up favouring when you are available, bored, horny - rather than what works for them.  

your choices here are

- accept your relationship with your wife and look to improve sexual intimacy together - what would benefit her?

- leave your wife then anyone you do approach is going to at least be your number one, but, don't expect women to fawn at your feet 

- pay someone.   you then get sexual satisfaction, the other person doesn't need to care you don't really care for them and just want your end away, cos they're getting paid 

and honestly, I'd recommend the first one.

(NB: if you don't want your marriage to end, be assured it has a big chance of ending and you losing a lot if you do find some form of FWB and are caught) 

“Pay someone”

This! It’s so simple yet so effective.

[sa****]

6 hours ago, LittleTexasUnicorn said:

“Pay someone”

This! It’s so simple yet so effective.

Except the OP was asking about FWB, not prostitutes 🤦‍♂️

[ey****]

4 hours ago, sacramento882 said:

Except the OP was asking about FWB, not prostitutes 🤦‍♂️

He was looking for solutions to the lack of intimacy in his marriage and felt a FWB would solve this.

If there already is a friend, then that might turn into the wanted affair - but if there's no friend and no benefits then finding both from scratch is difficult enough, without also having the barrier of being married.

It's a very difficult sell, "Hey, so I'm in a sexless marriage, would you occasionally like to meet for sex around my work/home/life schedule"

I wouldn't advocate any form of cheating as a first step but instead working on what can be done about intimacy in the existing relationship - but - if someone is going to treat someone as an option when they're horny, this is someone who is also a person with feelings.  At least if it's someone being paid they're going to be less frustrated if schedules change or if they're called at short notice.

 

I know women who have been the other-woman in similar set ups.  And it's horrible for them.  

Here's a difference.

Guy in this scenario was a member of a sports club on a Saturday afternoon so that was his cover - he'd go to the sports club most weekends but then every now and then arrange a day with her so he'd just not show up to the sports club and go see my friend instead.  This meant they had a very short window every few weeks.

Messaging and contact outside of this time was difficult. Phoning pretty much entirely out.  Messages replied to when wife not in the room, in bed, whatever.

Because it was on his schedule, my friend would clear the day when she knew he was coming over - which included cancelling or dropping out of her own hobbies/interests/etc.  and then what would sometimes happen... he'd call off last minute.  Wife needs something. Home emergency. Something major happening at the sports club which would blow his cover if he didn't attend.  Car trouble. Whatever.

And, it kinda... it messed her about and really hurt her.  

 

Paying someone. No need to interact between meets. Can be arranged short notice. Can only potentially hurt your wife/family and not a third person. 

And, yeah, if you treat an affair like a sex worker, but one you don't pay, it's rarely a good deal for them.