Advice for a new sub

[Newish19]

I’m hoping to get a bit of advice on a situation that I’ve recently found myself in. To give a bit of context, I’m in my late 20’s and brand new to the world of BDSM. I recently met a Dom who’s ~10 years older and is in an open relationship with a long-term partner. We’ve met up a handful of times now and the sex is the most intense and exciting I’ve ever had. I know that he’s in an open relationship and is probably not looking to change things (nor is my intention to change his circumstance), but I can’t help feeling like I’m falling for him. We cuddle for quite a while after the end of each session, and I haven’t felt so cared for and connected with someone in a while. Am I setting myself up for a world of heartbreak? Should I end things before I fall too deep? Are these feelings normal? 

I’ve honestly never been the needy type at all. I’ve had plenty of hookups and have never felt the way that I do… would love to hear from people who have been in similar situations!

He’s also expressed interest in “training” me, but I’m not sure what that means?

Again, brand new here so please let me know if I can provide any additional context! Thanks everyone!

[Tearmybuttocks]

Training is more about becoming his slave in no matter wot capacity whether it b sex or bdsm related bein his submissive anfmd that u r obedient as in doin everything e says within ur boundaries and limits but as u r relatively new u wil both learn wot u like and don't like but also don't b negative as some things u think u wil not like r sometimes the most rewarding to u both good luck xx

[ma****]

Yes. The feelings are completely normal. Unless things have been discussed with his long term partner and everyone is ok with the way things are going then shouldn’t be an issue. As far as training he is most likely wanting to train u as his submissive but I would ask him for any type of clarification and talk about how ur feelings and express ur thoughts and feelings to him.

[Deleted Member]

I think the best advice is always communication. Romantic feelings can develop for any number of reasons. The only way to ethically and responsibly navigate the situation is by informing the parties involved and coming to a solution together. I think it’d be unfair for you to ghost/abandon a person you care about, bc of an issue they’re not aware you’re having. I think the best solution is the one you come up with together to respect each other and minimize the harm you bring upon each other in this situation.

As for training, I imagine he’s talking about a specific type of sub/dom play in which he can introduce punishments or rewards to encourage or discourage behavior, that you both consent to.

[Gi****]

It's akin to a trauma bond, the chemical high then limerance possibly.
You seem to want monogamy. If that's the case, disconnect from the entanglement.
He means training you to be his submissive.
You should research a lot more on these things as naivety can lead to rude awakenings or trauma.

[Ta****]

You know he was in a relationship before you caught feels. On top of that, he’s made you feel more satisfied than anyone ever has. Don’t thank him for that by destroying his domestic tranquility.

[Deleted Member]

You need to voice your concerns and you three need to figure out what you plan on gaining from seeing each other. What expectations do they have from your relationship with them and what you’re comfortable with. Communication is key like any monogamous relationship.

[AKA_Copper]

Read up on sub frenzy (plenty of posts here), it'll mess with your emotions and not in a good way but may explain how you've been responding

[Ho****]

Copper Knob on point, as always. On one hand, it’s great to read that he’s invested in aftercare, leading to that “cared for” feeling you have after a session. On the other, though, expressing interest in “training” you without defining what that means is concerning, at least. 
 

Communicate clearly and ask him to define the relationship as he sees it unfolding and make sure it aligns with your needs and your emotional well being. 
 

Although with different boundaries and explorations, a good D/s relationship is no different than any good relationship, period. Clear and unambiguous communication and mutual support and care are key. 
 

Good luck finding your way. 

[Dr****]

You have to figure out where your head and your heart meet at and decide which don will control your life.