What To You Defines a “Good” Boy or Girl? Asking Doms and Subs

[Deleted Member]

To me personally as a sub in our system I believe being a good boy entails doing what you’re told as long as it isn’t pressing your boundaries that make you feel safe and not being difficult on purpose. What is everyone else’s thoughts?

-Juniper 💜

[de****]

Pushing limits is the heart of bdsm. It’s what separates it from Vanilla sex. Satisfaction doesn’t just come from seeing a sub do what they are told, it also comes from tge sun going through extra mile. My favourite is when my sub surprises me with something kinky she has done or is about to do. Like the surprise of her not wearing panties under a skirt without being asked.

[ey****]

Just doing what you're told is kinda the minimum.

To be a "good sub" involves initative.  Don't wait for your Domme to ask or tell you to do something, do it first.

[Deleted Member]

I like to be told I’m a good girl when I do as I’m told (obviously), but also when I do anything that pleases my Dom without being asked. I love surprising my Dom with little gestures, whether it be photos, wearing (or not wearing) certain things, sexual favours, etc. Being told I’m a good girl when I do these things feels like a reward to me, and makes me want to do them more.

[lo****]

For previous Doms who I gave my submission to.. sometimes I would surprise them with a gift I spent hours making. Could be a piece of graphic art I did, a playlist that makes me think of them, or expresses my feelings about them, could be anticipating they have had a rough day and preparing a relaxation session with massage, etc.

It doesn't have to ALL be sexual. A Dom's needs aren't 100% in the bedroom... although I have arranged pleasant surprises there too.

[Do****]

At a very basic level, being a good sub means not being a constant problem or finding problems, moaning, complaining. Being happy with your lot and positive about the experience. Then you can go on a journey together trying things out.

[Ta****]

Another vote for dutiful obedience being the baseline. What separates a sub from a good sub is taking pleasure in their service, and having an enthusiastic attitude toward pleasing their dominant. Service in itself should be viewed as its own reward, and if you want praise, you should be putting serious consideration into how to go above and beyond. If you want praise “just because”, then you’re probably better suited looking for a soft dom or a service top, and that is a different thing than traditional D/s.

[ea****]

I don't expect perfection from a sub but I do expect enthusiasm and effort. Seeing those traits allows me to give praise.

[as****]

When the behavior pleases both parties. When the submission is integrated into the life both parties are looking for in a seemless way. Yes, doing what they're told within reason but also like has been already said, doing things to please a D on thier own accord. And genuinely enjoying doing so.