Choose your Daddy

[de****]

Long gone are the days of hitting someone over the head and dragging them to your cave to have sex. Or are they? In the 21st century we have autonomous choice of who we love. Or do we?

In the context of bdsm we are still practicing the act of inflicting x, y or z in another, then assuming ownership of that other. In the context of gender and relationships, are we attracted to anatomy or is it purely personality? More importantly, do we in fact have a choice of who we are attracted to?

Perhaps the answer lies in what your process is for becoming attracted and accepting partners/relationships. Is it the instantaneous ‘love/lust at first sight’ or do you prefer to get to know and trust someone over time? I think the overwhelming majority of us (particularly women, subs and slaves because they have higher consequences) prefer to know ALL the details they can before hitting the accept button (consenting). Except that spontaneity contradicts this, but that’s another argument. Do you want to know all the details before you choose your dom, daddy, master, government, platform (including this one)?

That said, this platform doesn’t allow me to comment on any posts or threads including my own, as per my popular “do you support learning” post and my gaining a lot of views and likes from doing very well in the most recent “share your photos” contest. I can’t even be sure if this will be posted at all. Or if a moderator will delete it as soon as they see it. But hopefully the conversation continue ms for ‘community learning’.

[De****]

1. It’s not about looks. I’m not submitting to anyone I don’t respect and have an emotional connection too.

2. Making a choice and learning about something don’t happen in single moments. They are continuous. I read a book recently that I was really enjoying. The last chapter was awful and ruined it for. So while I was reading I made a choice that I wanted to keep reading it because I liked it. Then later I received more input from the book and decided I didn’t like it anymore. You make a constant choice to keep up a relationship and you are constantly learning about the other person.

That’s what learning is- a continuous action. If anyone thinks they know everything about a subject, person, government they are delusional.

[ge****]

Absolutely I want to know as much as possible about a potential partner (and certainly enough to establish if there's a connection and chemistry and indeed attraction there) and I want that before even considering meeting them.
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Sure there are differing levels within that but they still need to be there - to contemplate meeting someone purely on the basis of a single message that says not a great deal and a profile that may be devoid of text just wouldn't be for me as it would feel very cold and clinical.
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Now I get that some people get off on the whole meeting relative strangers thing and if it works for them then great - but every time I've gone down that route in my life it's ended in regret and a very unsatisfying experience.

[de****]

2 hours ago, denver725 said:

1. It’s not about looks. I’m not submitting to anyone I don’t respect and have an emotional connection too.

2. Making a choice and learning about something don’t happen in single moments. They are continuous. I read a book recently that I was really enjoying. The last chapter was awful and ruined it for. So while I was reading I made a choice that I wanted to keep reading it because I liked it. Then later I received more input from the book and decided I didn’t like it anymore. You make a constant choice to keep up a relationship and you are constantly learning about the other person.

That’s what learning is- a continuous action. If anyone thinks they know everything about a subject, person, government they are delusional.

Hmmmm maybe they will let me comment this time. Actually it’s always about looks. That’s the reason why this website holds photo contests, images make them money. It’s the reason why men like porn and women want ‘tall, dark and handsome’. Animals, including humans, have evolved to recognize patterns. It’s essential to every living things survival. We have learned to trust that which is most similar the most. We have learned to not trust that which is similar for our health. Three apples are full and green and the fourth one is shriveled and brown. No amount of personality in the brown apple is going to make us eat it. But it’s important to know WHY that apple is brown. Which brings me to learning. I never once said anyone should stop learning. In fact, that was the motivation for my “do you support learning” post. That said, since everyone is subject to mistakes, including this website/app owner and it’s moderators. Then there needs to be a COMMUNITY dialogue about proper actions as opposed to relegated to one or a handful of people who could be biased. Which brings me to the next thing. There are empires who make their billions on NOT telling you the whole truth and NOT allowing you to discuss proper actions. How does all this relate to my original post? Because you as a sub, slave, website/app participant should have ALL the information available before you consent.

[Tr****]

I wouldn't go so far as to say we are born with our interests, but i believe our "capacity" for things is established pretty early on in life. Some people can look at something and be curious, while others don't even give it a second thought almost instinctually. Our capacity for learning is mostly based on whether we have any interest in the first place. Granted, there are things out of necessity like learning to speak a language, cook, or manage your finances that are done through practice. Anything that invokes an emotional response will plant a seed of curiosity in one way or another, but our interest in it is what will ultimately make us pursue it. Obviously, in the realm of kinks, some inherently carry more risks than others that we would need to assess before pursuing any further. Upon that risk assessment, we choose to continue or not based on whether or not our interest is outweighed by the risk. As we progress in life through repeated trial and error, we find our own limits/capacities for things like as if we are blind and feeling our way around a room. A conscious mind can take every bit of ALL that information and go far beyond what is just basic instinct based on a choice. A choice made on whether or not we are interested in it in the first place. We all have the capacity to learn, but we also have our limits and boundaries to what actually interests us in the first place. Anything that goes beyond that goes against the will of that person and treads upon the forceful intent of another's will. So, to answer this thread, we have a choice but only within the confines of our own unique borders of interest. It's a scope that we learn to work within on our own and is only altered by force through outside influences. That's my rationale on it anyway.

[ge****]

1 hour ago, devilsdreams said:

Hmmmm maybe they will let me comment this time. Actually it’s always about looks. That’s the reason why this website holds photo contests, images make them money. It’s the reason why men like porn and women want ‘tall, dark and handsome’. Animals, including humans, have evolved to recognize patterns. It’s essential to every living things survival. We have learned to trust that which is most similar the most. We have learned to not trust that which is similar for our health. Three apples are full and green and the fourth one is shriveled and brown. No amount of personality in the brown apple is going to make us eat it. But it’s important to know WHY that apple is brown. Which brings me to learning. I never once said anyone should stop learning. In fact, that was the motivation for my “do you support learning” post. That said, since everyone is subject to mistakes, including this website/app owner and it’s moderators. Then there needs to be a COMMUNITY dialogue about proper actions as opposed to relegated to one or a handful of people who could be biased. Which brings me to the next thing. There are empires who make their billions on NOT telling you the whole truth and NOT allowing you to discuss proper actions. How does all this relate to my original post? Because you as a sub, slave, website/app participant should have ALL the information available before you consent.

Yes physical attraction comes into it - of course it does, but not everyone is attracted to the same thing and "looks" alone aren't what defines attraction for all but the most shallow of people - there are plenty of universally accepted physically attractive people who I find quite ugly as people.
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There are a huge amount of sweeping statements and wild generalisations in your post too - not all men like porn and even if they did the wide and varied types of women in porn kind of counter your argument. Likewise not all women are looking for "tall, dark and handsome" or gym fit adonises - if they did a very large proportion of men would remain single their whole lives.
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What actually underpins attraction is connection and chemistry etc and that is driven by personality and character - yes physical attraction comes into it too, but it's those other traits that can and do define and inform that physical attraction.
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Not sure what the remainder of your post relates to or how it relates to your OP, as it seems to be a long diatribe either against society as a whole or the site specifically but has little bearing on your OP.

[ey****]

imagine if we could choose who/what we are attracted to?

like then if someone made clear their interests if our thought was "they're nice, but I'm not attracted to them" we could just switch that on if we wanted.  Or if someone rejected advances, switch off our attraction.

Alas. If it was that simple - and - so, I think there's things people can condition themselves with but then we don't control what we're attracted to for the best part.

For trust and learning about the other person a lot always comes down to context and it's always difficult to be... perfect.  There's a big piece of context between, for example, casual play and engaging in an ongoing dynamic or relationship with someone.    If you're in a club and someone says "do you want to play?" if you feel a lean towards a yes, there might be questions you need to know (like, if they've been drinking, what they into, etc.) before making a final decision - but some levels beyond that might not be necessary. 

[De****]

1 hour ago, devilsdreams said:

Hmmmm maybe they will let me comment this time. Actually it’s always about looks. That’s the reason why this website holds photo contests, images make them money. It’s the reason why men like porn and women want ‘tall, dark and handsome’. Animals, including humans, have evolved to recognize patterns. It’s essential to every living things survival. We have learned to trust that which is most similar the most. We have learned to not trust that which is similar for our health. Three apples are full and green and the fourth one is shriveled and brown. No amount of personality in the brown apple is going to make us eat it. But it’s important to know WHY that apple is brown. Which brings me to learning. I never once said anyone should stop learning. In fact, that was the motivation for my “do you support learning” post. That said, since everyone is subject to mistakes, including this website/app owner and it’s moderators. Then there needs to be a COMMUNITY dialogue about proper actions as opposed to relegated to one or a handful of people who could be biased. Which brings me to the next thing. There are empires who make their billions on NOT telling you the whole truth and NOT allowing you to discuss proper actions. How does all this relate to my original post? Because you as a sub, slave, website/app participant should have ALL the information available before you consent.

I appreciate your opinion, but I fell in love with my Dom sight unseen. Not even a photo. So for some of us, it’s not. 😉

You’re on someone else’s site. They hold fiscal and legal responsibility for what goes on in it. So no, not really up to you to decide what crosses the line. You can certainly have an opinion of which the ones who run the site can choose to ignore. If you don’t like it, log out. You’re in their house, as they say.

[De****]

9 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

imagine if we could choose who/what we are attracted to?

like then if someone made clear their interests if our thought was "they're nice, but I'm not attracted to them" we could just switch that on if we wanted.  Or if someone rejected advances, switch off our attraction.

Alas. If it was that simple - and - so, I think there's things people can condition themselves with but then we don't control what we're attracted to for the best part.

For trust and learning about the other person a lot always comes down to context and it's always difficult to be... perfect.  There's a big piece of context between, for example, casual play and engaging in an ongoing dynamic or relationship with someone.    If you're in a club and someone says "do you want to play?" if you feel a lean towards a yes, there might be questions you need to know (like, if they've been drinking, what they into, etc.) before making a final decision - but some levels beyond that might not be necessary. 

Interesting thought. Could we not say that our experiences are conditioning us? You have a bad experience with x type of person and maybe you are no longer attracted to x type of person. It may not necessarily be by choice, but it certainly is possible.

[ey****]

45 minutes ago, denver725 said:

Interesting thought. Could we not say that our experiences are conditioning us? You have a bad experience with x type of person and maybe you are no longer attracted to x type of person. It may not necessarily be by choice, but it certainly is possible.

I think if nothing else, people get bias through bad experience - for example an ex of mine find guys her age were more likely to cheat so she was more likely to date older men.  The whole "I don't like switches" from people who've had bad experiences with switches.

But also, a lot of fetishes - some are rarely worth over analysing but there's a lot of folk who feel patterns between fetishes they have and their past, upbringing, etc.  

[de****]

1 hour ago, denver725 said:

I appreciate your opinion, but I fell in love with my Dom sight unseen. Not even a photo. So for some of us, it’s not. 😉

You’re on someone else’s site. They hold fiscal and legal responsibility for what goes on in it. So no, not really up to you to decide what crosses the line. You can certainly have an opinion of which the ones who run the site can choose to ignore. If you don’t like it, log out. You’re in their house, as they say.

2+2=4 you can say =4 is “just an opinion” but the reality is we have systems in place that check and recheck that it =4 for you just as much as it =4 for me. This here Internet wouldn’t exist otherwise. “Falling in love without a photo”. However, I’m willing to bet my left testicle that if your dom showed up and they has crooked yellow teeth, a harsh case of herpes and was only 4 foot 3 inch you would have said no.

[de****]

1 hour ago, denver725 said:

I appreciate your opinion, but I fell in love with my Dom sight unseen. Not even a photo. So for some of us, it’s not. 😉

You’re on someone else’s site. They hold fiscal and legal responsibility for what goes on in it. So no, not really up to you to decide what crosses the line. You can certainly have an opinion of which the ones who run the site can choose to ignore. If you don’t like it, log out. You’re in their house, as they say.

As for the website, there used to be a city in the USA where you could take a crap in public as long as it was into a sewer. The same city (federal actually) had indecent exposure laws. For a male, it’s not possible to take a poo without exposing himself, particularly when it comes to wiping. Just recently there’s a place that made it legal to have sex with your pet, as long as the pet suffers no physical damage. The point here is , EVERYONE makes mistakes, including the people that own and moderate this website/app. Bending over and taking it up the arse doesn’t solve mistakes, only CRITICAL thinking and OPEN discussion does. do the people here support that? Or do they just (shadow) ban it? “If you don’t like it then leave” that might be how you solve your problems, by running from them. I myself prefer to take them head on so I can LEARN from them and attempt to correct them. This is why people support me and why moderators hate me.

[de****]

1 hour ago, gemini_man said:

Yes physical attraction comes into it - of course it does, but not everyone is attracted to the same thing and "looks" alone aren't what defines attraction for all but the most shallow of people - there are plenty of universally accepted physically attractive people who I find quite ugly as people.
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There are a huge amount of sweeping statements and wild generalisations in your post too - not all men like porn and even if they did the wide and varied types of women in porn kind of counter your argument. Likewise not all women are looking for "tall, dark and handsome" or gym fit adonises - if they did a very large proportion of men would remain single their whole lives.
.
What actually underpins attraction is connection and chemistry etc and that is driven by personality and character - yes physical attraction comes into it too, but it's those other traits that can and do define and inform that physical attraction.
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Not sure what the remainder of your post relates to or how it relates to your OP, as it seems to be a long diatribe either against society as a whole or the site specifically but has little bearing on your OP.

Disagree. The number one thing all living things on this planet are attracted to is “healthy” partners. When a bird has 5 young and one of them is not doing so well she abandons that bird. It’s certainly sad, but she knows it’s not worth her effort. This is mimicked in many other species. Now, there are many many many visual cues for a healthy animal and human being. Muscle tone, white/straight teeth, skin color (as in not flushed), I could go on and state more obvious markers, but it’s likely to get blocked. Women want tall and strong men because that’s a good marker for the protection of her and her kin. Men want beautiful women (which there are common markers) because that will produce successful offspring. On top of the Freudian ‘people tend to pick partners similar to their opposite sex parents (because they succeeded in creating you as offspring). That said, sure, people want more than just pretty for their relationships, but NOBODY deliberately chooses someone they aren’t aesthetically attracted to.

[de****]

1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said:

imagine if we could choose who/what we are attracted to?

like then if someone made clear their interests if our thought was "they're nice, but I'm not attracted to them" we could just switch that on if we wanted.  Or if someone rejected advances, switch off our attraction.

Alas. If it was that simple - and - so, I think there's things people can condition themselves with but then we don't control what we're attracted to for the best part.

For trust and learning about the other person a lot always comes down to context and it's always difficult to be... perfect.  There's a big piece of context between, for example, casual play and engaging in an ongoing dynamic or relationship with someone.    If you're in a club and someone says "do you want to play?" if you feel a lean towards a yes, there might be questions you need to know (like, if they've been drinking, what they into, etc.) before making a final decision - but some levels beyond that might not be necessary. 

There’s people that will never date a single mom ever again no matter how hot she is. There’s women that won’t date anyone shorter that 6 inches above her own height. Meaning what part do personal preferences play in attraction? More importantly, do preferences OR attraction play a part at all when it’s an impulsive session?

[de****]

Yup, they are deleting my comments again

[Rena-5651]

This is an interesting topic from a sub-pov, with my last Dom I had fell in love with him without seeing a picture of him, and when I did finally got to see a picture of him my love for him. Had my Attraction stronger no matter if he was hot or not without that attraction i had on his personality, his brain his humor it over trumps his looks. A lot of people don't realize what love is or gives a definition of lust for love or say lust and love goes hand n hand. I psychically can't have any attraction to someone who looks good and has a horrible choice of morals or personality, I'm the odd ball ig, that's like saying oh I'm with this fuck boy because he gives me a little attention and he is hot asf. Erm no😅 love is a powerful thing and lust is second to it. Men/women can love their first love at first only and lust after someone who looks or acts like her so imo your defining lust more then(saying we have more choice) love tbh long story short if your like me yes you have a choice on who your attracted to and I prefer all details. I dislike lies and secrets.

[Rena-5651]

No choice*))

[FETMOD-BD]

6 hours ago, devilsdreams said:

Yup, they are deleting my comments again

None of your comments have been deleted. You just have to be patient and wait for them to be approved.

[ge****]

7 hours ago, devilsdreams said:

Yup, they are deleting my comments again

In the Kink Academy forum all posts have to be approved before they appear - this can sometimes take a while to happen so your posts aren't being deleted, they're just pending approval.

[ge****]

7 hours ago, devilsdreams said:

Disagree. The number one thing all living things on this planet are attracted to is “healthy” partners. When a bird has 5 young and one of them is not doing so well she abandons that bird. It’s certainly sad, but she knows it’s not worth her effort. This is mimicked in many other species. Now, there are many many many visual cues for a healthy animal and human being. Muscle tone, white/straight teeth, skin color (as in not flushed), I could go on and state more obvious markers, but it’s likely to get blocked. Women want tall and strong men because that’s a good marker for the protection of her and her kin. Men want beautiful women (which there are common markers) because that will produce successful offspring. On top of the Freudian ‘people tend to pick partners similar to their opposite sex parents (because they succeeded in creating you as offspring). That said, sure, people want more than just pretty for their relationships, but NOBODY deliberately chooses someone they aren’t aesthetically attracted to.

You obviously didn't read my post - as I said at least twice that of course physical attraction comes into it, but that it isn't the *whole* of attraction.
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If your sweeping generalisations were correct then a majority of people would never form relationships.
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Yes in the animal kingdom unhealthy babies are abandoned etc but humans have evolved to care for and nurture, and indeed love regardless of looks, abilities, physical restrictions etc
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Frankly a lot of your views about men wanting beautiful women to produce successful offspring and women wanting tall strong men to protect them are outdated at best and somewhat scary as well - you'll be suggesting we all want blue eyed blonde babies next!!

[ey****]

7 hours ago, devilsdreams said:

There’s people that will never date a single mom ever again no matter how hot she is. There’s women that won’t date anyone shorter that 6 inches above her own height. Meaning what part do personal preferences play in attraction? More importantly, do preferences OR attraction play a part at all when it’s an impulsive session?

See - it's important to differentiate between attraction and preferences.  

So you could talk to someone online, or in a bar, in a fetish club, or wherever and find them attractive.  This could by physical or could be because you have the right rapport, or both.  

Then, they happen to mention they're a single mother.  And for some guys, yeah, this is a screech of brakes - which could go from anywhere to completely ending the conversation, to withdrawing slightly to continuing to be friendly but not longer being interested.  They were still otherwise attracted to the person - that was there.   Those feelings maybe they couldn't control.   

But they can control that this is outside of their preference and they're no longer interested.

But then context is still important in interested-in-what.  What was even on the cards here?  That there's still a difference on whether they're going to be in a long term relationship, whether they're being D/s play partners, whether they're going for a one night stand or casual hook up or whether they're just talking about who is gonna spank who in the dungeon downstairs.

 

[Deleted Member]

It is about communication. I the real world it is down to eye contact and how someones body reacts to you.

On here it is being noticed like a peacock showing its full plummage. Once you are in conversation then you can explore to see if you are compatable.

[de****]

3 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

See - it's important to differentiate between attraction and preferences.  

So you could talk to someone online, or in a bar, in a fetish club, or wherever and find them attractive.  This could by physical or could be because you have the right rapport, or both.  

Then, they happen to mention they're a single mother.  And for some guys, yeah, this is a screech of brakes - which could go from anywhere to completely ending the conversation, to withdrawing slightly to continuing to be friendly but not longer being interested.  They were still otherwise attracted to the person - that was there.   Those feelings maybe they couldn't control.   

But they can control that this is outside of their preference and they're no longer interested.

But then context is still important in interested-in-what.  What was even on the cards here?  That there's still a difference on whether they're going to be in a long term relationship, whether they're being D/s play partners, whether they're going for a one night stand or casual hook up or whether they're just talking about who is gonna spank who in the dungeon downstairs.

 

You didn’t address what the line is and what takes priority when, attraction or preferences. What if you find yourself attracted to (which you have no control over) someone to not only doesn’t fit your preferences, but has features you swore you’d never like. It would mean that there’s no such thing as preferences. It’s a chicken or the egg type problem. To put it in relatable context, a female, sub or slave is almost always going to prefer someone who is taller and stronger, for the success of the dynamic, which superceeds the notion of attraction based on pure personality (which she has no control over). Further, the point of my original post is that a person gets all the information they can before choosing a partner in any context, which also superceeds attraction…..unless they don’t have access to all the necessary info, then they are forced into a risky situation or say no to everyone and everything.

[de****]

4 hours ago, gemini_man said:

You obviously didn't read my post - as I said at least twice that of course physical attraction comes into it, but that it isn't the *whole* of attraction.
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If your sweeping generalisations were correct then a majority of people would never form relationships.
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Yes in the animal kingdom unhealthy babies are abandoned etc but humans have evolved to care for and nurture, and indeed love regardless of looks, abilities, physical restrictions etc
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Frankly a lot of your views about men wanting beautiful women to produce successful offspring and women wanting tall strong men to protect them are outdated at best and somewhat scary as well - you'll be suggesting we all want blue eyed blonde babies next!!

If I didn’t read your post(s) then I wouldn’t be able to respond in context regarding them. Plus, you don’t know what’s in my head to know what I do and don’t understand. Assumptions are bad for your mental health, all of your relationships and particularly dangerous for bdsm situations.

2+2=4 you can say =4 is a “sweeping generalization” but the reality is we have systems in place that check and recheck that it =4 for you just as much as it does for me. This here Internet wouldn’t exist otherwise. The reality is that the overwhelming majority of people have common preferences in a partner and tge overwhelming majority of people will never “choose” a specific characteristic or ‘type’ of a person.

I’m not going to “assume” that you are commenting adversity/bitterness because you yourself are not considered “generally” attractive to a good portion of the population. But you have to make a case as to why someone would be attracted to someone that not only doesn’t fit any of their preferences, but some of the others traits repulses the attracted person. Because it sounds to me like you think there’s no rhyme or reason to human connection at all.

[de****]

5 hours ago, FETMOD-BD said:

None of your comments have been deleted. You just have to be patient and wait for them to be approved.

And why does the ability to express one’s self have to be approved? It’s the guilty before being proven innocent scenario. Seems rather odd to me that a person can’t freely express themselves on their terms on an app that say it supports free expression, particularly in a challenging subject like bdsm, fetish, kink.