What if you're not a Dom or a Sub? Is this still the right place?

[Deleted Member]

I've done the BDSM quiz, and scored low on both sides. So I'm wondering if this is the place for me.

I'd like to have more fun, using gags and harnesses, even some impact play,  but also expect to role reverse  ( switch?)  with my partner and tie them up. It's all about the sex, rather than a feeling of power for power's sake.

 

What's your opinion on where I'm at? Or do I need to explain more?

[Deleted Member]

Don't worry mate, it's impossible to find someone on here anyway

[Mi****]

Absolutely! Power exchange is not the only way to be kinky!

[4R****]

38 minutes ago, taunton271 said:

Don't worry mate, it's impossible to find someone on here anyway

No it’s not, you just have to know what you’re looking for, know what they are looking for and approach with respect.

[Deleted Member]

8 hours ago, Jackson said:

I've done the BDSM quiz, and scored low on both sides. So I'm wondering if this is the place for me.

I'd like to have more fun, using gags and harnesses, even some impact play,  but also expect to role reverse  ( switch?)  with my partner and tie them up. It's all about the sex, rather than a feeling of power for power's sake.

 

What's your opinion on where I'm at? Or do I need to explain more?

I agree. I've read some of the stories/prose written by Doms and find them downright frightening.  *** should not be confused with kink. I, too, wonder if this us the right place for me

[Deleted Member]

It’s a spectrum. There’s a level of experiences you either are or aren’t comfortable. Personally I don’t like passed being lightly bitten. I don’t leave marks and am considered a pleasure dom. I leash and collar my partner and dp her. It’s a pleasing experience for her. That’s where I’m at. You may be less or more. It’s about the journey of finding your niche. Know what you like and don’t like. And be ok with it

[sardonicus87]

You can be kinky without being a dom or a sub. A lot of people in the kink scene can be pretty D/s normative or power exchange normative. Most people say "Dom" or "sub" when "top" or "bottom" might be much more appropriate. Many presume you are one or the other or otherwise are a switch, but actually you can be neither. And I can't tell you how many people have been confused by me being not into any of that D/s stuff. Just goes over their head almost every time. Topping =/= Domming and bottoming =/= subbing.

[sardonicus87]

I mean, there's a lot of kink websites out there that don't give you any role options other than Dom or sub. It's pretty sad actually how many of them don't recognize anything beyond that.

[Do****]

This is a good place to explore. For labels and titles, read traits/inclinations. There are roughly 350 kinks and fetish labels listed to choose from. I personally think they are more like pieces of a puzzle. Pick the pieces that fit in your own puzzle. With any luck you will find someone to build it with.

[De****]

5 hours ago, Karina1706 said:

I agree. I've read some of the stories/prose written by Doms and find them downright frightening.  *** should not be confused with kink. I, too, wonder if this us the right place for me

*** should not be confused. However, if it’s consensual it not ***. It might not be your cup of tea, but please don’t judge what others enjoy. This is a safe space for people to explore and be open about their kinks.

[ol****]

This debate seems to resurface quite regularly.

The key is not to judge others, consent is the key. More correctly Informed Consent. 

There are plenty of things I will not do as a D, that makes me too soft for a lot of Subs. I'm fine with that.

[Ta****]

You can just be a kinkster…no roles required.

[gi****]

You are in the right place as others have pointed out. Why people may engage in kink is as different as the people who do so. As @oldfellow mentioned, there are things we each get into that others do not. This is where communication is key. @DenverKitten did a great job of differentiating *** and informed consent. If you both consent, and it's kinky, have fun. Heck, if you both consent, and it's vanilla, have at it. Don't worry if something doesn't feel kinky enough to be in this space. There is a lot of room in this world and lifestyle for everyone. Just remember the acronyms SSC (Safe, Sane, and Consensual), RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink), and PRICK (Personal Responsibility Informed Consensual Kink). Consensuality is involved in all of them, and at the center of this lifestyle. Have fun and enjoy.

[Deleted Member]

Thanks to everyone who has replied. I need to think about the answers, and what I really want. 

[Mi****]

1 hour ago, Jackson said:

Thanks to everyone who has replied. I need to think about the answers, and what I really want. 

There are some great resources online to help with your discernment. I think kynk101 dot com has some really good info.