Aftercare - D/s relationship

[Deleted Member]

Does a sub always need aftercare after a scene? Maybe more aftercare is needed depending on the scene

[ey****]

a lot differs from sub to sub, scene to scene - to sometimes the way the wind blows.

I think it's important for both the sub and the Dominant to factor in that aftercare may be required

[Deleted Member]

If a Dominant were to tie up a Submissive and have her orgasming and bring beaten for a long time, after care would likely be essential, but a light spanking might just need a kiss afterwards or perhaps some cuddles. As always, correct me if I am wrong, but I would say it matters entirely on the session. You would not put a tiny plaster on a giant bullet wound, nor would you put a thick dressing on a paper cut

[BigPolly]

As both have said, it is dependant on the scene. It is also very much dependant on the sub.  Personally I have never accepted aftercare from a Dom, I hate being faffed with afterwards & prefer to sort myself out in my own way. Remember that aftercare can also work both ways, I had a Dom who loved to be showered & dried & have his hair washed after a scene, not in a D/s type way but in a loving way. 

 

[Wo****]

Aftercare for me is my Dom just being there. Hugs, caresses aren't always needed. Sometimes I just to need to know that he is there, ready, to do whatever I need. He knows me pretty well, well enough to know how much physical comfort I need or how much space. Communication is really important here.

After one particularly intense impact play session I could only cry and squeaked "hug" other times I've just wanted to absorb and process the scene.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, BigPolly said:

As both have said, it is dependant on the scene. It is also very much dependant on the sub.  Personally I have never accepted aftercare from a Dom, I hate being faffed with afterwards & prefer to sort myself out in my own way. Remember that aftercare can also work both ways, I had a Dom who loved to be showered & dried & have his hair washed after a scene, not in a D/s type way but in a loving way. 

 

I did not consider this, but I like the idea

[Kay-]

Each sub has different views on after care and what is needed... some might want a cup of tea/coffee other a bath run. I know I like to lay down and be cuddles with slight arm strokes. If I could would have that for hours after other times I just get up and get on with what I need to do with no touch . All depends on the scene and what was done. Everyone is different and needs different things

[BigPolly]

7 hours ago, DanteReign said:

I did not consider this, but I like the idea

As you know the Dom/me is equally intense & mentally challenging. Some scenes such as intense punishments/impact play can be quite a strain on emotions & also very tiring. 

I was also often left with  blisters & aching muscles in my Domme days.

Edited August 20, 2019 by BigPolly

[BigPolly]

Everyone has spoken about emotional aftercare but please don’t forget physical/medical aftercare that may be needed whether that is ice to sooth sores, bruises & inflammations or creams, disinfectant or alcohol to clean wounds etc. High sugar drinks or sweets to help with sub space.

[Deleted Member]

I think bottom line as everyone has said before me it depends on the sub. I personally have to have aftercare from my Sir which can include just him feeding me chocolate, hugs and kisses, running me a nice hot bubble bath ect and also @BigPolly as said physical aftercare is also good Sir makes sure to rub cream on my bum after a session just to help with the soreness and will make sure to ask if the area is ok always after a few days too. 

[ey****]

I was at a discussion group the other week as part of Club DVS and a suggestion was to discuss aftercare needs BEFORE a proposed scene.   And, fittingly - the next time I played with a new sub (although someone I've known a while) I totally forgot to do this even if we'd otherwise discussed limits, likes and ideas to death - so after it finished I asked "do you hug?" instead of just hugging.

As, among anything else - some people process stuff differently. As it happens, yep they wanted a hug.  

[Deleted Member]

I also believe in before care. They very first session I had with my Sub there were lots of cuddles and reassurances, explaining exactly how the session would proceed and letting her know that she was in safe hands , reaffirming her safe words and letting her know that she was never to be afraid to speak up if it was all getting a bit too much. Only when she was totally comfortable did we begin the session. Then after the session plenty of aftercare and discussing the session. On that first time we probably spent 3 times as long on before and aftercare than in actual session. These days we don’t need so much before care but I’ll always make sure she’s in the right head space and comfortable before we begin. Then at the end of our session we still have lots of aftercare and always chat about what was good and what not so good. It’s taken time to build slowly to the level we are at now and our sessions are just right now for us both. Aftercare for us has been vital on this journey 

[Deleted Member]

8 minutes ago, Liam52 said:

I also believe in before care. They very first session I had with my Sub there were lots of cuddles and reassurances, explaining exactly how the session would proceed and letting her know that she was in safe hands , reaffirming her safe words and letting her know that she was never to be afraid to speak up if it was all getting a bit too much. Only when she was totally comfortable did we begin the session. Then after the session plenty of aftercare and discussing the session. On that first time we probably spent 3 times as long on before and aftercare than in actual session. These days we don’t need so much before care but I’ll always make sure she’s in the right head space and comfortable before we begin. Then at the end of our session we still have lots of aftercare and always chat about what was good and what not so good. It’s taken time to build slowly to the level we are at now and our sessions are just right now for us both. Aftercare for us has been vital on this journey 

😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😘😘😘😘😘 You Sir always know how to give me the best aftercare and I never even thought of the before care before so thank you so much Sir 💜

[Deleted Member]

Yep as everyone has said depends on the sub and discuss, discuss, discuss. Communication is key! I know personally just having my Master hold me for even a few minutes, with some chit chat and then music. Of course if you have any conditions, like bipolar it can make certain things like sub drop really bad.

In this case things like baths, movies, and chocolate/cheesecake come to mind when I go through sub drop since I tend to turn really depressed but it's all chemicals in my brain being blown off their feet!

[NewPrincessBrat]

From what I've read and been told and taught by those in the community.YES! it's as important as drinking water or eating the right food.

[SillySissyNikki]

For me, Aftercare is vital, a scene can get very intense and verbal. For me its importanr for me to reasure my sub and remind her that we are equal in our own way, after a scene we cuddle, her head on my chest and i simply stroke her hair and tell her how much she means to me, after the time is right then to get some sugary refreshements and some water to help with the drop in adrenalin.

[Deleted Member]

On 8/21/2019 at 10:37 AM, AlesaKS said:

Yep as everyone has said depends on the sub and discuss, discuss, discuss. Communication is key! I know personally just having my Master hold me for even a few minutes, with some chit chat and then music. Of course if you have any conditions, like bipolar it can make certain things like sub drop really bad.

In this case things like baths, movies, and chocolate/cheesecake come to mind when I go through sub drop since I tend to turn really depressed but it's all chemicals in my brain being blown off their feet!

So I really need to be careful of sub drop then

[Deleted Member]

Thanks everyone  for all your input