Monogamous - Am I wasting my time?

[Deleted Member]

I’m monogamous, looking to meet a solo partner and experiment together. Is this just not a thing kink supports anymore? Should I stop looking?

[CherryBloom14]

No keep trying to find your partner sometimes it’s hard to find the right person

[Sy****]

Nope. There is much more monogamous people than non monogamous in our society. Statistics are in your favor.

Sometimes feeling lonely for a while can take a hit on our confidence level, but things are cyclical. Keep exposing yourself wherever you feel comfortable, apps, munchies, regular nightlife...

Eventually things will work a bit more for you and you will start realizing there are so many wonderful people to meet.

I know it's hard, but don't sweat over it. Love is just like many other things in life. Important, but nothing out of this world.

[sardonicus87]

Move where I live, you'll find the inverse, 99% of everyone is monogamous here. How long have you been looking, because... everywhere I ever looked, even if there's a healthy number of non-monogamous people, the monogamous always outnumber the non.

[cr****]

I’ve wondered the same as I try and figure out what I want in terms of someone more kinky friendly. I’m working on looking to but like was said don’t give up on what you want.

[Deleted Member]

Hand over your expectations and act taken then they will fall from the sky into your lap

[Hy****]

Kink and enm have a ton of overlap, but monogamy is still practiced by WELL over 90% of the population. Just own your monogamy on your profile and stick to your guns.

[Louise777]

Hang in there x

[Deleted Member]

It is

[ey****]

On 5/23/2024 at 7:15 AM, LivingLiminal said:

I’m monogamous, looking to meet a solo partner and experiment together. Is this just not a thing kink supports anymore? Should I stop looking?

OK. So.

One of the things about the wider kink scene is that in general it can promote more discussion - or people able to speak on 'who they are' - than in vanilla circles.

If you go round a workplace for example, no one is really going to be open about whether they are monogamous or not - even though not everyone in your workplace will be.  Same in any other vanilla settings.  Because it can attract judgement.  In kink circles, because it *shouldn't* there's more people who will say they are not monogamous.

And this makes it feel like it's a much bigger percentage of people than it actually is 

Like - if you are monogamous you will find some people won't be interested in you (or you, in them) because they're not

and if you are not monogamous you will find some people will not be interested in you because they are.

[kimutu72]

it can work you just have to try find the right partner, I was with my last sub for nearly a year, it takes time and alot of effort

[Ki****]

Nonsense, keep trying might be just a little unlucky.
I'm monogamous too, might talk to lots of other people but end of all I would commit only to a partner at the time.

[Aa****]

It can work but I would suggest getting off all of these apps and websites. This is not the place that you're going to find a monogamous relationship. These are not monogamous people 😆

[Bathblonde]

55 minutes ago, aaronator20 said:

It can work but I would suggest getting off all of these apps and websites. This is not the place that you're going to find a monogamous relationship. These are not monogamous people 😆

Umm sorry thats just not true! Im monogamous 🤣

[Chastity_Pup_Gabbia]

I agree Bathblonde. I too have found a wonderful woman on this app/site. Through mutual friends and we are in a monogamous relationship. Aaronator20 this site caters to all kinds of relationships.

[Bathblonde]

To the Op,  As with everything it takes time there is no quick fix and many of us have been here for years. My current partner and i started off as friends so our dynamic/relationship was 2 years in the making. Kink is about the journey not the destination 

[sl****]

Dude ask yourself if you think you can even get with multiple girls today? If you can and want to then do it. But I get a feeling you only wrote this because you can’t find a partner in general regardless of them being polygamous or not… not to sound mean dude but always look inwards before outward

[ey****]

4 hours ago, aaronator20 said:

This is not the place that you're going to find a monogamous relationship. These are not monogamous people

hard disagree

like, there's been people over the years I've vibed with well but we've never progressed because I'm not monogamous 

[Ca****]

I’ve come across many and I mean MANYYYY non-monogamous kink and vanilla people. They say exclusive and monogamous but we know it’s bs. They screw multiple people till they find one they like the most, which lets them do whatever they want and bread crumb the others as back up. Good luck to you, hold your boundaries and standards. The needle in the haystack is out there.

[sardonicus87]

If your search settings specifically filter for the monogamous tag, that may be part of your issue. Filter by the polyamorous tag and you'll likely see very few as well. Most profiles I come across, they don't use either tag, it's only when you talk to them that you find out they're mono, they just don't put it in their profile.

[sardonicus87]

*they don't put it in their roles.

[Ed****]

I can only speak for myself but I am monogamous, exploring kink D/s dynamic because of this site. There was a lot of chat online first and an eventual in person coffee. A few ups and downs in between but still very much together and still exploring. So keep going good luck.

[sardonicus87]

I did a search for women, who were looking for men, but very few other filters and at least 40 profiles came up in the search radius I set. I then just added in role flter that they must have the non-monogamous role and it dropped to just 2 profiles. I then did another search and switched it to they must have the monogamous role and there were only 6 profiles that came up.
.
In other words, at least in my area, the vast majority don't put the monogamous or the non-monogamous in their roles section of their profile, regardless of what they are.
.
So if you're setting monogamous as a filter in the roles section, many profiles aren't going to show up, even if that's the only role filter you set.

[Di****]

I was in a monogamous relationship form12 years. We were married for 7 years that has ended in a contentious divorce. When I say contentious divorce saying that it’s the worst thing I have ever been through. Currently, 9 months and 30k in attorney fees later, restraining orders, injunction, book and release, shoulder surgery that has not been charged as domestic ***, threats to the others job and job license, property division is still going on. One thing that’s majorly different is we’re a gay couple trying to conform to social traditional heterosexual marriage values. For us, I feel the monogamy played a huge role in the frustration. We wanted sex at different times, he would do things like order poppers and sex toys then hid them around the house. I would come home early on a Friday (knowing that the weekend was easier to have sex) to home masturbating in front of the giant tv multiple times that lead to no sex weekends. Can you imagine putting away laundry and finding pooper bottles and toys that you have never seen before and you’re not getting touched. He started weaponizing sex against me. Promising that we’d have sex, acting like it would happen so I would stop asking and then at the least minute “no babe. I don’t feel well” after having me help with stuff HE wanted to get done around the house. He made me look like a sex addict. I was just horny and following the unsaid rules of monogamy at that point. So bought toys myself and was open about where I kept them to not look like he did when he was to find my hidden toys. So when he denied sex I would say “Ok cool, I’m going upstairs to fuck myself”. ….. he would say “why do you say it like that”…. I reply “Because that’s what I am doing after you denied sex with me”. Once I came back downstairs to get something in the middle of fucking myself to catch him masturbating on the sofa right after he denied me sex. In 2022 was had sex 6 times. In 2023 was had sex 1.5 times. The . 5 is for some reason he came upstairs as I was fucking myself and tried to fuck me, but it’s felt weird. Ultimately, I feel that monogamous relationships is a construct of earlier times or for some heterosexuals. Like my parents that have been married for 50 years. I don’t think personally that the construct of traditional marriage works for gay marriage. Currently, I feel they I lost out on time in to explore my sexuality my kinks and fetiches. I’m not sure how he is feeling or adjusting because we speak through attorneys. But I feel that our marriage would have been different if we would have opened it up and made our own rules that the other felt comfortable. We might not be where we are today. In court arguing over who gets what and why. Good luck to you. This is just one perspective. Just sharing my experience with monogamy and long term relationships l.

[Deleted Member]

The struggle is real 😫😫