fo**** Posted June 1, 2024 I’m dating someone who wants to be monogamous and so do I but I have a fantasy that seems to clash with monogamy so I’m wondering if it’s normal and if I should be upset with my partner for not accepting my interest in my public ***. I’ve become more and more obsessed with the idea of being touched by many hands and watched by many eyes while I’m tied up and ***. I want to get married and have a exclusive relationship. Eventually, I’d like to find somebody who is at least open to helping me explore this fantasy. The guy I am currently dating has no interest in other people touching me sexually. I brought up the idea of him being there of course I would not do something like this without him there or without his consent. Though his reaction was not open-minded at all, rather it was an absolutely not and if you do this, even while we’re just dating, I’m gonna have a problem with it. We are not exclusive yet, but I do understand why he wouldn’t want other people touching me as somebody who also is working towards a monogamous relationship. What I can’t wrap my head around is why he wouldn’t be OK with it if he was there partaking or even just watching. He knows I want total strangers and not to get to know the people involved. He also knows that I only want touching. I would not want any random stranger, kissing me or penetrating any part of me. In other words, I don’t want anything intimately sexual in this fantasy. am I wrong to think he’s in the wrong here? or is it unrealistic of me to want a monogamous relationship and also want to engage in this kinky fantasy involving other people? 
Deleted Member Posted June 2, 2024 You like what you like and want what you want. Nothing wrong with that.
bl**** Posted June 2, 2024 Generally men are not going to be ok with this. Sharing your partner with others is not something we are going to accept generally. He's not into voyerism its going to be a boundary never mind adding in others touching you. He's not in the wrong he's just not into it and likely never will be. Either you accept and respect his boundaries or you move on if this is that important to you. Third option you find a different outlet for this that is acceptable to him without going behind his back if you want him in your life.
ti**** Posted June 2, 2024 If he’s not gonna be okay with the fantasy, then you have to look inside yourself and ask if it’s okay that this remains *only* a fantasy
Be**** Posted June 2, 2024 Honestly, there’s nothing wrong with not wanting to see your partner be touched by others. How would it make you feel to watch him with another woman? Equally, there’s nothing wrong with you wanting to fulfil your fantasies. Ultimately, I suppose you can either look for compromise; acceptance that it will stay a fantasy; or someone else.
R_U_Hell_Yes Posted June 2, 2024 It sounds like you could have an exclusive relationship with someone and fulfill your exhibitionism but not with this guy. Although, I agree with the comment above that more likely you'll find happiness in an ENM relationship/marriage. If you're "not exclusive yet" then bringing up topics like this are feelers to guide you in where to become exclusive and expose RED Flags. Looks like you've found one. The sex now might be great, but resentments down the road can be devastating. I'm coming at this from experience... I have a wonderful partner who is not kinky but does respect that I am and was before we met. So, we have build an ENM relationship that fits our needs.
ma**** Posted June 2, 2024 It sounds like the two of you are not compatible. I'd strongly suggest that you end the dating process and leave him move on instead of trying to *** something onto him. Try finding someone who will be compatible with you.
ma**** Posted June 2, 2024 5 hours ago, Stumofun said: It sounds like you could have an exclusive relationship with someone and fulfill your exhibitionism but not with this guy. Although, I agree with the comment above that more likely you'll find happiness in an ENM relationship/marriage. If you're "not exclusive yet" then bringing up topics like this are feelers to guide you in where to become exclusive and expose RED Flags. Looks like you've found one. The sex now might be great, but resentments down the road can be devastating. I'm coming at this from experience... I have a wonderful partner who is not kinky but does respect that I am and was before we met. So, we have build an ENM relationship that fits our needs. "expose red flags"?... just because that guy isn't into the things that the OP is, it doesn't mean that that's a red flag. His boundaries are very valid and expressing boundaries is definitely not a red flag. It just means that the two of them are simply not compatible.
cr**** Posted June 2, 2024 12 hours ago, titan512 said: If he’s not gonna be okay with the fantasy, then you have to look inside yourself and ask if it’s okay that this remains *only* a fantasy I think this a good point. From experience, not quite like this, sometimes a fantasy is better as a fantasy than when they're acted on. Sometime the power lies in your mind not the act. I also agree that you may just need to compromise. When you're tied up and touched, do you have to have clothes off? If this is public, where ... is this a one and done or do you want to do this frequently. Is this while you're not fully exclusive or after your married wanting to only be with each other. Not knowing the depth of your conversation with him there could be a lot to discuss if he'll at least talk to about your fantasy and I'd be sure to understand why its a no for him. Personally I think I'd have an issue like, but I could see a possibility where I might be OK. Big one for me would be wether or not I felt I could really trust you - based on my past that's key. Maybe allowing him to "stop" if he finds its too much so you two can discuss it again. Give him some power in the action as well instead of just a participant. Maybe having that power would get him going enough to actually be OK and enjoy it himself.
fo**** Posted June 2, 2024 Author All of you have raised very good points and I so appreciate all of them. It seems I have a lot to think about
fo**** Posted June 2, 2024 Author I wish my want for this fantasy wasn’t so strong because he’s such a great guy
50**** Posted June 6, 2024 I’ve been at parties where this happens organically and in the moment when he comfortable and conforming to the group. - he may see it differently
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