Limits and boundaries

[Deleted Member]

Hi....what I would love..is for a female Dom to spend as many weekends as possible...at my home.

There have been a few comments...etc about respect...and what puts me off is not knowing whether a Dom would show and understand my limits and boundaries...It is such an important thing to consider. esp for me...with my loves....How does one get to know a Dom....and build that trust...before one decides to go ahead?

I would love to live out my fantasies with a Dom....but how can one be sure...that one will not be subjected...to sessions that involve what the Dom would like....and not take into account what my limits and boundaries are.. etc?

My  perfect relationship would be with Female Dom....who understands me....and I could trust...!..How does one develop that much needed trust...before going ahead in submitting ones self to a Female Dom?

it is about mutual respect and mutual enjoyment....I wish I had a Dom living next door to me..

[Deleted Member]

It's so important to establish trust with someone before you play. I think a lot of it is gut instinct. Everyone will have different things that they look for in a top but I think it's really important to establish those limits before you play. If the Dom  isn't interested in hearing your hard limits (stuff you won't do ever at all) before play or otherwise shows a lack of respect for what you want/need from play that it's best not to get nvolved with them. 

[Deleted Member]

It is so good to hear from someone important within the community...You are so right...I learnt a lesson when I was about 13 14 years old....went back with a woman...waiting outside schoolmates.....shown a room...lots of bits and pieces..well equipment....always had an interest in that sort of thing after finding a few magazines at a friends house....would you like to try some of those items you are looking at...I wanted to...panic set in..managed to escape...I really mean escape...reported it after a month or so....turned out a rented property...empty...I think what you mentioned about Gut instinct is as best of a guideline one can have....until you get to know that person.!..Do not let your curiosity be your main motive...unless you are willing to take that risk...Do you really...well that is a silly question as you are a moderator organise events...if so this might interest you...if so...please message me...or contact me be e-mail

Cassie

[Deleted Member]

A follow up....to a difficult and sensitive topic....I suppose what I meant...is that the Secretive Fetish world is a very close knit community...The majority practise out of love and enjoyment...respect ones wishes and limits..when not to cross boundaries.....After all ...they do not want to lose...willing subjects...All it takes is one member...in any contact site....to have a Bad experience....One way or another...word spreads.....whether one likes it or not...That one Bad experience....can spoil it for all the Dom's....who really know how to play the game..!...and abide to whatever they agree with their subjects..!...After quite a lot of Really Bad experiences..very young...I wish I had the courage....Cassie...

[Deleted Member]

I am incredibly curious, and actually I've only been in the scene for a couple of years, so I still count myself as being  pretty new. I have a rule for myself that I won't play with anyone I've not met at least a few times before. This is a protection for me. The masochist in me wants to leap up and shout 'Ooh, yes, I want to try that' to anything new. But I know I actually need to have more trust in place before indulging that curiosity if that makes sense. 

Gut instinct is a great thing to follow but I think adding in an extra level of protection is always needed too. And if anyone tries to get you to break your own rules, push you past your boundaries then that should be an immediate red flag.

[Deleted Member]

I actually agree with pushing boundrys to an extent with under standing and comunication after all if we had not pushed we would prob not be here. 

I for one would still be in a vanilla relationship and feeling unfulfilled and in lots of ways ashamed of what i needed in my life and feeling dirty and not normal .

As to a look at boundrys form the Dominant side believe me talking from very damaging experience that destroyed trust,confidence and any sort of self belief that had taken a very long time to attain and keep Fed and nourished believe me being Dominant in a D/s relationship is a incredibly hard thing to do and maintain and one act to totally destroy .

To leave you questioning every thing .i have changed how I do and look at the life completely with a certain amount of help recently from well you know who you are .I know I have got back a great deal of what I lost and I understand my self much better which is the important part and also the hardest part after all you beleive 100% of what you tell your self and 50% of what you are told neative self speak is about the worst thing you can do .

I will be writing something later about the subject when I'm ready .

Thanks Christopher 

 

[Deleted Member]

4 minutes ago, Mrchristopher70 said:

I actually agree with pushing boundrys to an extent with under standing and comunication after all if we had not pushed we would prob not be here...

 

I think in an established, trusting relationship, if the bondaries are mutually discussed and there's A LOT of communication on the way that soft limits can may be pushed if agreed by all parties. Hard limits I think should always be respected.  It's different when you're meeting someone for the first time though, I think. All parties need to be respectful of each other's wishes. 

[Deleted Member]

You are so right....I wish I could close my eyes and go ahead....,but one cannot forget bad experiences.....I  really wish I could..!...I feel that I am missing out on so much...I need someone to hold my hand and lead me into a world I have dreamt about...!....Am I alone in thinking that...I suppose what it comes down to....is bad experiences...!.....they have a massive affect on ones...confidence  in trusting a Dom..!...Cassie..!..Prove me wrong...!