Am I in the right place?

[Le****]

Recently came out of a relationship that wasn't right for me or her longterm, but i think because we connected well physically, stayed together for longer, as the open communication and benefits where there

As a young guy I think like many other guys, we just kind of get let loose in the world and without much guidance on female pleasure

Other than porn and discussions with friends but there is still a lot of taboo, I think untill 4 years ago I was, frankly, not going down on my partner right, but am surprised to only learn so late,

maybe that was purely a lack of communication on my part, but I like to think I am quite attentive and open, however no girl has ever brought up, 'hey can you X, and then do this' it's how it's actually pleasurable

I came across this channel called mybadhabit or something similar on PH and it's essentially this girl speaking and realtime video with her partner how to actually give a girl pleasure (I'd highly recommend all guys to watch this)

It looked awesome and I took this new knowledge, and skill and open communication into my new relationship and it has been absolutely great, and with that open communication and exploring boundaries some rope play, degrading, *** fantasy and other topics came up,

and while I felt reserved to do this to my partner at first, Mostly because I wanted her to feel safe and trusted with me, and not to ever feel like I was ever using her, it became clear that it was her preference to be used in such ways

So I'm learning to detach those two things, on this app im learning on the difference between kink and vanilla relations and would love to hear more stories from other people how you got introduced into the lifestyle and how you view the difference, could you ever go back to vanilla relations or do they coexist in parralel for you?

Looking forward to hear your experiences

[Starving]

Welcome to you!

[Stepfubk4]

In answer to the question of ever going back to "Vanilla." No, I wouldn't. If I meet a guy who is "Vanilla" I usually won't waste my time or theirs.

[Deleted Member]

I wouldn’t discount a potential relationship just because they were vanilla but I can’t say that I would ever be able to live without kink either so hopefully they have it in them to explore or be open minded enough to allow me to be me. Congrats on being proactive and seeking to better yourself for you and your partner! Enjoy the ride!!!

[Deleted Member]

23 minutes ago, gypsygirl1219 said:

I wouldn’t discount a potential relationship just because they were vanilla but I can’t say that I would ever be able to live without kink either so hopefully they have it in them to explore or be open minded enough to allow me to be me. Congrats on being proactive and seeking to better yourself for you and your partner! Enjoy the ride!!!

EXACTLY!!! If I meet someone who is “vanilla”, maybe they are vanilla because they are shy or haven’t been with someone they trusted enough to reveal their deep, possibly dark desires. If they are open minded and able to communicate well, experiencing new things with someone is totally exciting and exhilarating to me! I love to be someone’s“first” at whatever. I broach the subject of taboos pretty early on in new relationships. If they want no parts of it, I’m probably moving on as variety is the spice of life and I want an open, communicative relationship even when the topics might be a little dicey. JMO.

[Deleted Member]

Communication is a requirement not something that is optional. However feeling safe and heard is essential. I was introduced to the lifestyle at 17. There is absolutely no way I could ever do vanilla. For the sake of trying new things yes I tried it. It was the worst 3 weeks ever. After being celibate for 14 years I still could not do vanilla. Just remember every dynamic is unique. This is truly a journey of learning yourself discovering and embracing who you are as you go.

[Deleted Member]

In my opinion there is no two worlds, we’re all just one and everyone hides some dark desires, from my experience.

[Deleted Member]

From my experience (maybe I’m just lucky) I’ve found that as a girl I can talk to a “vanilla” partner and discuss what I like starting with more basic things and over time more and more. I’d never expect it of them but equally I let them know I need some *spice* to excite me. If all is good then happy days if not you have to decide what’s most important. Personally I could have Tom hardy in my bed but without kink I’d be bored 😂