Free use

[yh****]

I never see women looking for men for free use. Is that a thing?or rather, should it be?

[LadyV]

I do that within relationships. My sub is "free use" to me sometimes during negotiated periods of time. Not all the time though because of normal life limits.

Women don't tend to seek out random men for "free use" because that's essentially just seeking a man for a vanilla hookup by another name. And there are lots of very important reasons women are significantly less into heterosexual hookups.

Edited July 1, 2024 by LadyV

[ge****]

Probably because they don't advertise it because of the flood of messages they receive - it's also arguable that any Domme in a dynamic with a submissive effectively has "free use" of that submissive (within agreed boundaries and limits of course).
.
I'd also suggest that the notion of "free use" may be one that is a more male leaning thought in terms of looking for it openly.
.
As for whether it "should" be a thing - that's entirely subjective and very individual

[ey****]

Mindset.  Men want women as 'free use' as a starting point rather than something that is built/worked to as part of a dynamic

Women *tend* to have men as 'free use' as part of a negotiated/ongoing dynamic that works for them both

There are assorted Femdom events where in either the event as a whole, or set rooms, the subs have to follow pretty much any and all instructions set out by women and that is effectively free use.   And, funnily, the amount of men that then complain they were 'freely used' in a way they didn't want to be is often laughable.

[LadyV]

9 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

Mindset.  Men want women as 'free use' as a starting point rather than something that is built/worked to as part of a dynamic

Women *tend* to have men as 'free use' as part of a negotiated/ongoing dynamic that works for them both

There are assorted Femdom events where in either the event as a whole, or set rooms, the subs have to follow pretty much any and all instructions set out by women and that is effectively free use.   And, funnily, the amount of men that then complain they were 'freely used' in a way they didn't want to be is often laughable.

Let me guess, they were angry that "free use" from all those random women wasn't all those random women facesitting them and hopping on him for her-on-top regular sex? 😂

 

Who could have possibly predicted that, lol. 

[Sl****]

I’m very much looking for something similar but I don’t like the term “use” as such. But I’d identify myself as somebody who’s always open to sexual contact and would love to find somebody the same.

I wouldn’t enjoy having somebody who is just there for me to insert myself into.

Ideally it would come from a place of mutual desire and her having the same appetite as me.

[ey****]

50 minutes ago, LadyV said:

Let me guess, they were angry that "free use" from all those random women wasn't all those random women facesitting them and hopping on him for her-on-top regular sex? 😂

 

Who could have possibly predicted that, lol. 

I am gonna almost u-turn and say there is one I do sympathise a little with - that basically he was in such an area and someone was doing *** play with him which was against a limit; but this hadn't been discussed - 'free use' kinda area, and I feel - but at no point did he go "I'm sorry Mistress, but *** is a limit" at which she would then have either apologised - or - walked off - and in either scenario he is out of that situation.

But yeah, ties in with the whole "i'll do anything" when really there are specific activities hoped for under the guise of 'being made use of' - when, sometimes, just ask

[Deleted Member]

Line em up.. I'm looking..

[Deleted Member]

I guess because they have enough simps to choose from and they've got vibrators.

It's not like men are obsessed with sex and want it all the time. Having one for free use" won't make a difference at all.

[Deleted Member]

Are most “men” not already free use? Most women could advertise wanting a man to use and have at least 3 at the door within the hour. It’s already available, we just don’t want it

[di****]

Women as s*x workers or vanilla

[di****]

Are used to be hit on. They usually consult bff about guys when they dress up to go out or accept a phone number. Have known women when hormones rage. You do have to get past friend zone ..

[Al****]

Yes it’s a thing but most women want to be subs, it’s in their dna, but there are exceptions, you’re likely one. But be what you want to be!

[ge****]

10 minutes ago, Alexkid said:

Yes it’s a thing but most women want to be subs, it’s in their dna, but there are exceptions, you’re likely one. But be what you want to be!

Talk about sweeping generalisations and notions from the 50s!!
.
It's absolutely not a gendered thing that is DNA related or perhaps you can correct me and show me the scientific research that proves it is?
.
Likewise with the notion of yours that "most" women want to be submissive - based on what research exactly?
.
There are plenty of women who are either dominant or switches - the key is finding them, and that takes a level of effort on the part of those seeking them, but they are most definitely out there.

[ey****]

There was an amazing article which has, sadly, long since been deleted - which did actually have figures when you ask women privately, versus how many outwardly appear.   The lean is that from a 2000+ sample size, 41% did have some form of Dominant fantasy (I know this is the bit where guys chime in about "there's a difference between having a Dominant fantasy, and being a Domme - which I'd agree, shame most of these guys have a submissive fantasy, and are not subs. Same logic,) which does kinda ties a 'most don't' - but 41% is hardly a tiny minority.   An office with 20 women has 8.

Unfortunately, we are in a society where men tend to *see* women as submissive, often making up lies about it being genetically coded, which often conflates assertiveness with 'being bossy'/bitchy/etc - a lot of men do not see what is right in front of them the whole time.

And, I bet you again.  Free use does also have a second side to it.  That while the sub should be ready for sex at any time, this can also mean long periods without it should the Dominant not want this; and I bet men would complain about that, also?

I guess one thing also overlooked here is that, in terms of PIV - men are a bit more limited to how many times they can in a day.   Like, throw a guy into a room full of women and told they can do what they want sounds like a fantasy, but after the first ejaculation he's useless for a while 

[LadyV]

Gawd, the misogyny of submissive men...

 

Most women are vanilla. 

Most of the entire world is vanilla. 

Kink is a fucking minority. 

 

Bdsm roles are ALL make believe bullshit we all agree to because we all think it's hot. It's not based on genetics, gender norms, social conditioning, "alpha wolves," or any other stupid bio-essentialism bullshit. It's all fucking fantasy! 

 

Every "natural Dominant" is capable of being a follower and conforming to a follower position. Every "natural submissive" is capable of being a leader and existing in leadership positions. We all do this literally all the time in the professional world and society at large. Almost like humans are never just one single-faceted thing. 

 

Your bdsm role isn't written in your genetics, your genitals, your gender, or the fucking fates and stars...IT'S JUST WHAT TURNS YOU ON! That's it! That's the whole stupid story of "Dominants" and "submissives." It's a fucking LARP we all get off on! Humans are more complicated than a single stupid bdsm role title. Put shit in accurate perspective, for fucksake. 

 

And if "being submissive is in their DNA" was actually an accurate statement...WHY THE FUCK HAVE WOMEN SPENT THE BETTER PART OF A CENTURY FIGHTING AGAINST YOU? 

 

Dumb as fuck, this bullshit. 

Edited July 2, 2024 by LadyV

[Deleted Member]

Yesterday at 08:40 AM, Playisfun said:

Line em up.. I'm looking..

That’s what I like to hear a woman that knows what she wants 👍

[VoodooQueen_]

7 hours ago, LadyV said:

Gawd, the misogyny of submissive men...

 

Most women are vanilla. 

Most of the entire world is vanilla. 

Kink is a fucking minority. 

 

Bdsm roles are ALL make believe bullshit we all agree to because we all think it's hot. It's not based on genetics, gender norms, social conditioning, "alpha wolves," or any other stupid bio-essentialism bullshit. It's all fucking fantasy! 

 

Every "natural Dominant" is capable of being a follower and conforming to a follower position. Every "natural submissive" is capable of being a leader and existing in leadership positions. We all do this literally all the time in the professional world and society at large. Almost like humans are never just one single-faceted thing. 

 

Your bdsm role isn't written in your genetics, your genitals, your gender, or the fucking fates and stars...IT'S JUST WHAT TURNS YOU ON! That's it! That's the whole stupid story of "Dominants" and "submissives." It's a fucking LARP we all get off on! Humans are more complicated than a single stupid bdsm role title. Put shit in accurate perspective, for fucksake. 

 

And if "being submissive is in their DNA" was actually an accurate statement...WHY THE FUCK HAVE WOMEN SPENT THE BETTER PART OF A CENTURY FIGHTING AGAINST YOU? 

 

Dumb as fuck, this bullshit. 

Kudos to you. You are a boss.

[Th****]

Ugh... so many truly disgusting responses in this thread. And men wonder why it's so difficult to find Dominant women who will even talk to them, let alone anything else. 

OP, there are plenty of women who enjoy this but you'll almost never see them advertise or openly looking due to the shit behavior of men. 

[Ar****]

On 7/1/2024 at 11:27 AM, DontYukSomeonesYum said:

Are most “men” not already free use? Most women could advertise wanting a man to use and have at least 3 at the door within the hour. It’s already available, we just don’t want it

I don't believe they are.

You're absolutely right that most women could do that, but I'd also suggest it's the same men/types of men who would be turning up at these various doors (and are desperate enough for it to travel huge distances sometimes too).

[LadyV]

I love free use within a negotiated dynamic. My sub and I can't do it all the because, obviously, we live in the real world with real world limiting factors. 

 

That said, despite me enjoying it, you're never going to see me post an ad looking for a man for "free use" for two main reasons:

1. I'm never single-minded enough to seek a sub for only one thing to begin with. So I won't advertise as "seeking sub for free use." I'll just say "seeking sub for ongoing dynamic," with a whole list of shit involved in that. I don't want just one thing, ever, least of all "just dick."

2. If I ever did post such an ad, my inbox would probably explode and I'd feel compelled to delete my damn account and start over. 

[Th****]

27 minutes ago, LadyV said:

I love free use within a negotiated dynamic. My sub and I can't do it all the because, obviously, we live in the real world with real world limiting factors. 

 

That said, despite me enjoying it, you're never going to see me post an ad looking for a man for "free use" for two main reasons:

1. I'm never single-minded enough to seek a sub for only one thing to begin with. So I won't advertise as "seeking sub for free use." I'll just say "seeking sub for ongoing dynamic," with a whole list of shit involved in that. I don't want just one thing, ever, least of all "just dick."

2. If I ever did post such an ad, my inbox would probably explode and I'd feel compelled to delete my damn account and start over. 

Yep, 100% agree with all of this. Most importantly..... almost all lifestyle Dom women are people > kink so who someone is as a whole human person is what's going to be appealing or not before the kink & bdsm stuff comes into play much. 

Edited July 2, 2024 by ThaliaV

[LadyV]

32 minutes ago, ThaliaV said:

Yep, 100% agree with all of this. Most importantly..... almost all lifestyle Dom women are people > kink so who someone is as a whole human person is what's going to be appealing or not before the kink & bdsm stuff comes into play much. 

Yeah, I'd agree with this. 

 

Bondage is made better with bonds, lol. 

 

Not necessarily romantic bonds either. I've casually played with, Topped, had platonic D/s dynamics, and fucked friends of mine. 

 

The key thing is though:

I actually like those people as people. 

 

I have no interest in bodies of people I don't like as people. Just a body is insufficient to capture my interest. 

 

I imagine a lot of the ads men post seeking women for "free use" specifically are in the vein of, "I don't care about who she is as a person, I just want a body." 

 

Women don't tend to be that simple about it. 

[Th****]

2 hours ago, LadyV said:

Yeah, I'd agree with this. 

 

Bondage is made better with bonds, lol. 

 

Not necessarily romantic bonds either. I've casually played with, Topped, had platonic D/s dynamics, and fucked friends of mine. 

 

The key thing is though:

I actually like those people as people. 

 

I have no interest in bodies of people I don't like as people. Just a body is insufficient to capture my interest. 

 

I imagine a lot of the ads men post seeking women for "free use" specifically are in the vein of, "I don't care about who she is as a person, I just want a body." 

 

Women don't tend to be that simple about it. 

Alllll of this!!! Very much the same page and I've spoken with many others who also agree. 

 

[lo****]

On 7/1/2024 at 11:29 PM, Alexkid said:

Yes it’s a thing but most women want to be subs, it’s in their dna, but there are exceptions, you’re likely one. But be what you want to be!

I can tell who's been drinking the incel koolaid. Comments like this are blatant enough, there's plenty more that are waving the flag that are not so blatant.