Story of mine or just a confession...

[DanielHoup]

Hi All,

 

I'm just pouring my heart out, so do not get really bothered much about it.

Yes, we are all kinky, but we are still all humans with feelings and emotions. Yes, you have to be strong.

This is the way I deal with things that make me upset.

This is my ticket to a happy place.

I hope for your understanding.

 

Long story short:

I made contact with a girl. We had quite a deep life conversation. It turned out we a very similar and starving for the same things. From how we feel about ourselves till small things like gaming preferences.

It just felt like stars lined up finally in the right direction for you. Words flew out by themselves, smile was poping on your face from nowhere. It felt as when you meet someone, you feel him through and you know you would give it all for a person to be happy, no spare words needed.

There are not many people in my life who can get so close to me with such ease, so smoothly slide under all defenses and just enter your world just like this. Emitting and triggering all these things.

She was fairly local. It felt as we both are on same page and interested in each other, by the manner of our conversations. Long, the deep but same time it felt short. As there was an unexplainable urge for more.

Felt so uplifting. We left on a good note.

 

The next day I'm finding out that she chose to meet someone else.

It felt to me like someone poured a bucket of cold water on to my head.

Realization of all this to be just a dream and that feeling of sadness kicked in. Asking myself "Where did I fck up?".

 

It was like a good meal, you enjoy it, have a sip of wine, ambient music on the background, there is a waiter on his way to you with a dessert menu and then you realize that it is all the illusion and all beauty fades away.

That lingerie though comes back again "Do I really have to go through this again. On my own?"

 

There was no much talk about kink, just pure inner world exploration.

Does it really have to be all about kink from the beginning?

 

It's nothing about her. I clearly understand that it's my flaw to get me slipped so foolish. This person does not own me anything or anything like it. She might even didn't feel any connection at all, but I feel kind of betrayed and heartbroken. Which is very unlikely for me to be - so easily and quickly.

Just it felt like a missing part of your soul is there, but it flew away.

 

I'm quite selective to people who I choose to be around me.

But when I see someone who resonates with me - this person gets that priority line to my soul.  

 

Another lesson to learn and have to move on.

Edited January 5, 2020 by DanielHoup

[Deleted Member]

I have developed a defense against heartbreak. Always consider the possibility of them leaving you, and accept it.

[Wo****]

This made me cry

[Deleted Member]

I know people might say be more careful in future and don’t share too much of yourself but I don’t buy that. I have had this happen to me, I’d still do the same and risk getting hurt. It’s their loss, their blindness to what’s in front of them.

[Da****]

This can be heartbreaking. It’s happened to me too. But if you don’t risk your heart, you may never find your soulmate. Besides, the situation could be even worse. Imagine talking for months and falling in love and just as you are about to meet you are told that the other person has an incurable STD that they didn’t think it was important to mention :).  Not sure what the answer is but giving up is not an option. 
 

Hugs x

[Carnelian2]

I prefer to be me, it takes courage and a lifetime of experiences takes a while to unravel. I prefer to be honest and take it as it comes.

I think you should do the same. Those who don't move stand still. I know it sounds corny and that there are probably better quotes to express it, but you have to take part ot have a chance.

... and I am saying this after what seems like an endless stream of "ladies" that want gaming cards after a short conversation, and it really makes me wonder if there is a chance. I get back on the horse, though.

Someone told me that the Universe is a bit like eBay, you buy something and you get it, but the Universe does not tell you if it is good or bad for you. 
We have to work that out, and choose something different if it does not work out.

[BigPolly]

Actually there is a positive in this, what this lady has shown you is you can open up, someone can slide under all defences & enter your world & if one person can do it then there are plenty of others that can do it too. Take a lesson from this lady, ok this time sadly you both didn’t connect how you’d hoped but it shows you that an amazing connection is out there somewhere & you now know even more so ‘what you’re looking for’. If someone doesn’t feel a connection then it’s not personal to you we just simply don’t all connect to everyone. Life is an adventure & not all of the corners we go round hold predictable answers

[Deleted Member]

I read this first thing this morning and thought best to take a few hours before I replied. Firstly you did the right thing sharing,apparently as men we are not supposed to have "feelings"and we are supposed to have the ability to "man up"when life knocks us down.What absolute tosh that is,I like you have a soft core and in the past if I wasn't lucky enough to have good friends who I could open up to dark places I would have gone.Much better out than in and it's great to see how much support you have received from those on here.We are people first and foremost and any sane individual has feelings,it matters not whether kink or vanilla sadly the heart can still be hurt.When I first started moving In this world stupidly i was under the illusion it was physical only,how wrong I was as I found out to my cost. Sidoraxvoncreep has developed a defence mechanism against that *** as he states and i have so many times wished i could have something similar in my armoury but i do not.The problem for folks like you and I is that's just not what we are,we feel,we connect,we are emotional and to try to be anything else is denying our true nature and a quick way to depression and sadness.We are what we are. Its always a risk openng up to another,being intimate verbally,sharing,even as you say the smalllest of things,controller settings etc,it creates a bond whether you have met or not.You feel it first in your gut and you just know "I like this one"you feel something very very real.However sadly for soft lads like you and I this exposes us to *** of the worst sort And can take some time to recover from.Months sometimes years sometimes never if you get deeply involved.What do we do though?Do we hide away refusing to risk?Not willing to chance it all again?Some do yes but that I don't think is your way and I know it's not mine.We heal then we continue our search with faith that she is out there waitimg to be found. Most have felt your *** and for me it struck a chord instantly as I recently exposed myself and paid a price as I know most of us have. You are not alone and I for one understand perfectly.Thank you for having the backbone to share.Sharing is a good thing for men like you and I and getting support even from relative strangers can go a long way to healing 😊 All the best.

[Wo****]

And i'm crying again...

 

Guys...

Yeah, it hurts like hell when it goes wrong. It hurts when you get used, or mocked but know what? I'd be me, naive, ***, too open any day over being cynical or defensive. I am me, i like me. I'm not changing for anyone. Nor should you.

[Carnelian2]

@DonnykinksterYour words are spot on. Thank you for sharing.

[Submissiveman2u]

On 1/5/2020 at 4:42 PM, DanielHoup said:

Hi All,

 

I'm just pouring my heart out, so do not get really bothered much about it.

Yes, we are all kinky, but we are still all humans with feelings and emotions. Yes, you have to be strong.

This is the way I deal with things that make me upset.

This is my ticket to a happy place.

I hope for your understanding.

 

Long story short:

I made contact with a girl. We had quite a deep life conversation. It turned out we a very similar and starving for the same things. From how we feel about ourselves till small things like gaming preferences.

It just felt like stars lined up finally in the right direction for you. Words flew out by themselves, smile was poping on your face from nowhere. It felt as when you meet someone, you feel him through and you know you would give it all for a person to be happy, no spare words needed.

There are not many people in my life who can get so close to me with such ease, so smoothly slide under all defenses and just enter your world just like this. Emitting and triggering all these things.

She was fairly local. It felt as we both are on same page and interested in each other, by the manner of our conversations. Long, the deep but same time it felt short. As there was an unexplainable urge for more.

Felt so uplifting. We left on a good note.

 

The next day I'm finding out that she chose to meet someone else.

It felt to me like someone poured a bucket of cold water on to my head.

Realization of all this to be just a dream and that feeling of sadness kicked in. Asking myself "Where did I fck up?".

 

It was like a good meal, you enjoy it, have a sip of wine, ambient music on the background, there is a waiter on his way to you with a dessert menu and then you realize that it is all the illusion and all beauty fades away.

That lingerie though comes back again "Do I really have to go through this again. On my own?"

 

There was no much talk about kink, just pure inner world exploration.

Does it really have to be all about kink from the beginning?

 

It's nothing about her. I clearly understand that it's my flaw to get me slipped so foolish. This person does not own me anything or anything like it. She might even didn't feel any connection at all, but I feel kind of betrayed and heartbroken. Which is very unlikely for me to be - so easily and quickly.

Just it felt like a missing part of your soul is there, but it flew away.

 

I'm quite selective to people who I choose to be around me.

But when I see someone who resonates with me - this person gets that priority line to my soul.  

 

Another lesson to learn and have to move on.

Stick at it... I think it has happened to everyone of us. I was sucked in and catfished for months, i even spoke on the phone to her. I only caught her out as she was supposed to be on a plane to Asia but was still texting me!!! I have been using this site for a month now, been ghosted 3 times, and a Domme wanting a slave, told me i am too much of a slave fer her WTF feel like giving up myself rlf but i wont... 

[Deleted Member]

On 1/5/2020 at 4:42 PM, DanielHoup said:

Hi All,

 

I'm just pouring my heart out, so do not get really bothered much about it.

Yes, we are all kinky, but we are still all humans with feelings and emotions. Yes, you have to be strong.

This is the way I deal with things that make me upset.

This is my ticket to a happy place.

I hope for your understanding.

 

Long story short:

I made contact with a girl. We had quite a deep life conversation. It turned out we a very similar and starving for the same things. From how we feel about ourselves till small things like gaming preferences.

It just felt like stars lined up finally in the right direction for you. Words flew out by themselves, smile was poping on your face from nowhere. It felt as when you meet someone, you feel him through and you know you would give it all for a person to be happy, no spare words needed.

There are not many people in my life who can get so close to me with such ease, so smoothly slide under all defenses and just enter your world just like this. Emitting and triggering all these things.

She was fairly local. It felt as we both are on same page and interested in each other, by the manner of our conversations. Long, the deep but same time it felt short. As there was an unexplainable urge for more.

Felt so uplifting. We left on a good note.

 

The next day I'm finding out that she chose to meet someone else.

It felt to me like someone poured a bucket of cold water on to my head.

Realization of all this to be just a dream and that feeling of sadness kicked in. Asking myself "Where did I fck up?".

 

It was like a good meal, you enjoy it, have a sip of wine, ambient music on the background, there is a waiter on his way to you with a dessert menu and then you realize that it is all the illusion and all beauty fades away.

That lingerie though comes back again "Do I really have to go through this again. On my own?"

 

There was no much talk about kink, just pure inner world exploration.

Does it really have to be all about kink from the beginning?

 

It's nothing about her. I clearly understand that it's my flaw to get me slipped so foolish. This person does not own me anything or anything like it. She might even didn't feel any connection at all, but I feel kind of betrayed and heartbroken. Which is very unlikely for me to be - so easily and quickly.

Just it felt like a missing part of your soul is there, but it flew away.

 

I'm quite selective to people who I choose to be around me.

But when I see someone who resonates with me - this person gets that priority line to my soul.  

 

Another lesson to learn and have to move on.

I feel that your story, sad as it is, is probably familiar to most of us.  Emotional wounds left by betrayal do heal after a while, but it leaves a scar and so changes a person.  Most people learn to be less trusting I should imagine.  It's a kind of defence mechanism.  It just makes you that bit more cynical in the future.