Molly's BDSM Tips | How Can I Find a New Partner into my Kink?

Feel like you're the only one with your kink? Fear not, our BDSM advice columnist Molly, assists a Fetish.com member by helping him realise that his bondage kink is more common than he thinks, and gives tips on how to approach finding a new kinky relationship.
  

Dear Molly
Hi Molly, I like your BDSM tips and have some questions. I have a kink for getting locked into tight clothing (like overalls) sometimes women's clothing with zippers at the back. I have had this kink since I was a teenager but never discussed this with any of my partners. It is something I mostly do by myself. Since my last relationship (about two years ago) the kink has increased. So I am wondering if I am alone with this and afraid it will hinder in finding a new relationship. Do you have any tips for me?
Best, Fred
 

Dear Fred, 
Let me start by saying that I can pretty much guarantee you that you're not alone in this kink. Clearly, some kinks and are more common/prevalent than others - and this one is a desire that I feel falls into the slightly more niche category. But all my years on the kink and BDSM scene have taught me that there's a kink for everything - and more than one person for every possible kink you can think of including this one. So banish the thought from your mind that you are alone because you're not. The key is finding your people and working out how to share your desires with any future possible partners. So let's talk about that.
 

Exploring your bondage kink

Essentially your kink is a form of bondage, a fetish that is so common that it is almost mainstream. After all, you can buy fluffy handcuffs with a dildo or vibrator in nearly every sex toy shop everywhere. Your version of bondage is specific, and that works for you, but maybe it might be worth exploring other types of bondage kink to see if any of those work for you, too. Not in an attempt to get rid of the one you already have, far from it, but to broaden the things that you enjoy which will make it more likely for you to find someone who will share your bondage kink with you.

Sharing your bondage kink 

When it comes to finding and sharing your desires with a new partner, communicating with them openly about what you like is essential. Starting a relationship with someone and keeping stuff like that a secret makes it much harder to introduce at a later date. Not impossible mind you, but definitely a trickier conversation. By being open early on, you can then establish if you are right for one another before anyone gets too involved. 

Also, make sure that any profile you have on a kinky dating site gives some information to any potential matches about the kind of things you like. So being able to say that you enjoy different types of bondage but have a particular joy of being restrained in tight feminine clothing is fundamental. That way you have introduced it to people right from the get-go. 

If however, you find yourself on a date with someone you haven't met through those channels then I would suggest that you might want to take a slightly different approach.  Leading with that information on an opening date might be a little daunting for both people, but as things progress, you could think about ways of bringing up the subject, and one of those ways might be to start with talking about bondage kink in general and see what kind of reaction you get. If they're interested then yay, and if not then you know that this partnership is probably not going to be the right fit for either of you. 
 

Own your bondage kink

Confidence is sexy and being confident about the things you like and desire is an attractive trait - it will make it more likely for you to find someone who will enjoy the things you like. Or indeed, someone who is open to learning and exploring them with you if they are new to kinky things. So knowing what you want, having positive experiences that you can learn from, (whether that be self-bondage or perhaps attending a rope workshop or other type of kinky event) will help you to feel more confident and comfortable with yourself.  In turn, it will make you a much more confident person when it comes time to share it with a partner. 

Also getting out into the kink community might lead to you meeting someone, and that makes it much easier to be completely open with them about what you like. Don't ever feel like you are alone or what you love is wrong, be perfectly you, and you will eventually find someone to wants to be perfectly themselves with you. 
Good luck!
Molly x

Join others who are new to BDSM in the forum - it's free to join!  For tips and advice, contact Molly via her Fetish.com profile or visit her thread in the BDSM Forum. 

 
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