The Rose hidden in the closet.

[Deleted Member]

She tucks the rose inside her closet, deep,
Among her dresses, where secrets sleep.
A single bloom, with petals flushed in red,
A silent witness to words left unsaid.

Its fragrance lingers, heavy in the air,
Like stolen kisses, tender yet rare.
She closes the door, heart locked in place,
Afraid her guilt will leave a trace.

The thorns are hidden, sharp and sly,
Like whispered promises made on the sly.
She keeps it there, behind closed doors,
A token of love that isn’t hers.

But petals wilt, and colors fade,
As shadows deepen where choices are laid.
Still, the rose remains, a secret kept tight,
In the dark of her closet, away from the light.

[Ha****]

As someone who writes a lot of poetry... Well done for having a stab!

I would focus on making sure the cadence is beated out, it's the number 1 thing that pulls a reader out is if the syllables don't stack up.

Also there's a double use of sly as a couplet.

Also the metaphor seems strange, and kind of unrealistic? Why would someone keep a flower in a closet?

Just my two cents!

[Ki****]

That was very beautiful

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, subcuck90 said:

As someone who writes a lot of poetry... Well done for having a stab!

I would focus on making sure the cadence is beated out, it's the number 1 thing that pulls a reader out is if the syllables don't stack up.

Also there's a double use of sly as a couplet.

Also the metaphor seems strange, and kind of unrealistic? Why would someone keep a flower in a closet?

Just my two cents!

Sometimes we see a rose we really, really like… something about it makes it stand out among the rest… but sometimes we have already committed to a violet picked and have dedicated our lives to nurturing its growth.

Unfortunately temptation gets the best of us, and we pick the rose anyway..we use the excuse of “it just happened” or “this wasn’t how it supposed to turn out like this”…but something about the rose stood out… something the violet lacks…there’s no justification for choosing the rose over the violet..it’s not the violets fault… the rose just called to our primal desires.

But because we have committed to nurturing the violet, we have to hide and keep secret our desires to tend to the rose. Hence why it’s in the closet..