How Do I Learn/Get Into This? I'm 23

[Deleted Member]

I've always been extremely submissive by nature, I've closeted it and all of the thoughts that come with it out of shame, I'm not sure why but I've finally realised that I need to both accept and embrace these things if I'm ever going to be truly happy.

I know this isn't a personal page but I think this is relevant: my ideal scenario would be a 24/7 type of relationship/dynamic, it's not really exclusively sexual for me. The problem is that I don't really know how to start, I know I need to learn a lot but I'm not really sure how.

Is inexperience as bad as some people make it out to be? I've always seen it as a positive thing, I love the idea of being a blank slate for somebody.

I'd really appreciate any help

[ey****]

there's been a few threads over time about the experience paradox; a lot is ultimately on you.

So - first off. 

The concept of the 'blank slate' - it's a nice idea : but you're not a piece of paper you're a person, with feelings - so being sure on what you want helps make sure you're going in the right direction.

The other problem... I mean, if you suddenly got a message that was like "I will make you my sub - send me ***" how do you know if you'd be happy with that or not?

There is a little story I'm working on - and that for a lot in submission all you actually need is a partner. Almost any partner.  Nobody is really going to turn down having breakfast in bed every morning and getting up to find their clothing for the day is out and ready and all they have to do is get ready and go out - and come back to you already preparing the evening meal.

I mean, that's 24/7 and you don't need anyone kinky.  But, I'm guessing that's not quite what you're looking for.

So, i guess - what does your version of what you are looking for look like - and is it even realistic? 

Aside from that on experience - if you live in or near London there's a whole wealth of things on your doorstep - if you're finding your feet you probably want munches more than events - the DVS Newbie munch was last week, but is regular - and there's a whole bunch others.   But don't go looking to pick up (they're not pick up events) go to learn from others and enrich your knowledge.

Read some of the articles here and follow some of the conversations - knowledge goes a long way.

[Dreamaway]

Look, the whole point is you are not the blank slate, the world of kink is your blank slate to research and maybe try whichever particular areas satisfy your needs and wants. There is no shame involved unless you wish there to be maybe as one of your kinky roles! The inexperience stigma largely comes from dom types thinking they can turn up, beat the living daylights out of someone with no previous discussion about limits and safety, and possibly do great harm to what may be a *** character. Yes you should investigate but not to the degree it inhibits you actually experimenting and learning through practical experience. Ask away, there are kinks and fetishists of all shapes, sizes and colour in here. I wish you a safe and kinky journey for many years to come

[Sovereign-Deity]

Search for your city and "bdsm munch" or create a fetlife account and look for a local munch there. at least you can meet people and ask questions more comfortably.

[BiSlaveBoySub]

Just follow your desires. Do not exceed you comfort zone....and over time you will find an equilibrium and a place you are happy to occupy..

[Deleted Member]

I think you've made a good start because you've actually filled out your profile, and you're asking questions. You've highlighted the need for forming a deep connection with a person before submitting to them. To a large extent, you have to treat the first stage like old-fashioned dating.  Find someone  you might like, who might like you, and get to know each other. 

Focus on the relationship first. What makes you interesting? What do you have to offer? If you can do this, you'll stand out from the crowd of male submissives looking for a Mistress who solely focus on how they want to get 'done'. 

 

[Deleted Member]

20 hours ago, MsWhiteRose said:

I think you've made a good start because you've actually filled out your profile, and you're asking questions. You've highlighted the need for forming a deep connection with a person before submitting to them. To a large extent, you have to treat the first stage like old-fashioned dating.  Find someone  you might like, who might like you, and get to know each other. 

Focus on the relationship first. What makes you interesting? What do you have to offer? If you can do this, you'll stand out from the crowd of male submissives looking for a Mistress who solely focus on how they want to get 'done'. 

 

Thank you, I've always been quite conscious of coming across as part of that crowd so it's nice to hear that I'm not.