Male emotion and unexpected consequences.

[Deleted Member]

So as men we are not supposed to "feel"emotion as deeply as maybe lasses do.When I first started moving in this world I was mistakenly under the impression it would be easier to have connections/relationships/friendships with much less chance of experiencing emotional ***,how wrong I was.Sure if it's just a bit of NSA then it's not an issue but what I have found is when a real connection is made the emotional aspects can be even more intense than in vanilla.This has caught me completely by surprise.Is this just me or something others have been surprised by?

[ey****]

3 hours ago, Donnykinkster said:

So as men we are not supposed to "feel"emotion

that's a myth linked to Toxic Masculinity.

3 hours ago, Donnykinkster said:

what I have found is when a real connection is made the emotional aspects can be even more intense than in vanilla

ha - yep!

3 hours ago, Donnykinkster said:

Is this just me or something others have been surprised by?

yes, especially at first.

The thing is... science.  Depending on what we are doing there are obviously fetishes which turn us on.   This can pump adrenaline and other hormones.  If we do impact play this can release endorphins.  

It's very easy for the intense feeling to reduce the world down to two people in it - the feelings, the brain chemicals, can be addictive.  Break ups and seperations can feel even deeper because you feel "no one else lights the spark" that way.

 

[Da****]

You just have to let love rule. Your emotions as a man matters alot to your mental health

[Deleted Member]

that's a myth linked to Toxic Masculinity.

This is something I've been aware of for many years but one of the reasons I finally found my way here was in the hope that those emotions would not be as intense,easier to deal with.Sadly as I've said I was so wrong.

[ey****]

I think moreso.

It's OK for emotions. It's OK for them to be intense.  It's OK to feel overwhelming joy, or sadness.   It's OK to have emotions that are difficult and accept that emotions are *a thing* 

[Deleted Member]

The reason I bring this up is I've spent a lifetime battling my emotional side and it's brought me highs and severe lows.The problem as I see it is so many Men bottle it all up,suppress how they are truly feeling because again soceity tells us it's not manly to be sad.One saying that totally winds me up is "man up" as if we can throw a switch and just be ok again when we have taken a knock.This world is so open and honest and I say to any fellas out there who may be struggling a little,you are not alone and it's ok to not be ok,talk,release it.Better out than in every time.It does not make you weak for me it shows good judgment and strength.

[Deleted Member]

I think when we first start moving in this world it's easy to delude ourselves into thinking it's just fulfillment of fantasy, and therefore isn't real.

 

So if it's just fantasy then we won't catch real feelings, right?!  WRONG!  Oh so wrong.

 

The fulfillment of our darkest fantasies is also a deeper recognition of our true self.  So it stands to reason that a connection established over these deeper sectors of our personalities will by default be deeper than those established in the more surface-visible (dare I say it? Shallow) areas of our lives.

 

I reckon it's akin to trauma bonding.  But instead of trauma, we're intentionally putting ourselves into this intense headspace.  It can be healthy if you're both on the same page.  But ending one of those relationships may require therapy to fully recover.  It is, after all, bereavement that we feel when a relationship comes to an end.  The more intense the relationship, the more intense the loss. xXx

[do****]

Donny, I don't think you are wrong. It's hard enough coming out secretively online about our fetishes. The hard part for me is that I thought it was like a all welcoming. For me it seemed like fet-life was all welcome. It is but just like any new-cummer there is a balance phase. The hard part is finding the balance. Some people understand my fetishs but aren't as excited, then there are some that are WAY too excited.
The great thing about our community is that we can express our comfort zone. We have the privilege to say we want a real relationship or just for fun. We have the leisure to say we just want to have fun with a fantasy for one night and never see eachother again or to say we want a relationship.

[Deleted Member]

I think it will be wrong if men as Dom don’t have any emotion . You still can be a man and show it or feel it. 
Most time a relationship ending with a sub I felt sad for few weeks, yes it’s intense and maybe that’s why it’s a hard feeling.