Is this normal ?

[MandyPandi]

So I’ve been on this app for about a week kind of. And I know I’m new to the community and I’m learning about myself. And not fully looking for a dynamic as I’m not ready. But is it normal for people to be in my DM’s on this app claiming me as there’s submissive already when I don’t even know anything about them. And never even talk to them or got to know them. I just wanna know this is normal.

[su****]

The community is pretty good , but they are also many thirsty guys that are pushy . Unfortunately it is a numbers game for them . Dom/sub relationship takes time and trust need to be earned

[Deleted Member]

This is frequent, but not ok.
A true dominant, as they claim to be, would not do that. A true dominant will give you time, be patient and allow you to get to know them.. part of being a submissive is choosing the right dominant and feeling comfortable and trusting them.
Lots of fakes and wannabes who think they can demand and claim without putting the time and effort that a true dominant would.

[ro****]

It’s normal for all the pretenders permeating this app. Those of us that actually know how the scene works don’t do that

[Ha****]

It’s not normal and shouldn’t be allowed; block them immediately. You seem like a sweet soul—this is not the time to be kind and pleasant and entertain their messages.

[At****]

I could write something really negative here, but I won’t.
You are right to doubt or reject people taking you for granted like that. A good and experienced dominant may want to push your limits at some point, but they will never act like that on a first contact.

[Deleted Member]

No those are just, "my brain is in my dick" types. Feel free to ignore them.

[mo****]

Block them it’s like anything else in life no one can claim you! Man I’ve had to block so many people and it’s like 3 weeks now!

[Deleted Member]

Dom's don't do that whatsoever, besides everyone knows the sub is truly the one in charge because they're the one's allowing themselves to be dominated

[Deleted Member]

I've been involved in Kink properly for a year now, I attend workshops, munches etc. Kink has the most easy going, respectful, kind, open, non judgemental, none critical people I've ever met.
Thank these people, they're showing you they aren't into kink at all, in fact they aren't into reality, respecting women, boundaries, respect or consent. There are a lot of vanilla men who seem to think kink means an easy lay. They are low effort and all these kinky women are just here waiting for the gift from God that is he and he will be worshipped and thanked for his s*xual services. I've had they i just met you, this is what I'd do, can you host? Not only do they want free s*x with no effort, they want you to host their horny ***age backsides for the pleasure, not realising... WE CAN GET PAID FOR THAT! Not only is being a lady of the night the oldest profession in the world but with the rise of OF. Why on God's earth would ladies be giving it out for free, TO THEIR DISRESPECTFUL SELVES. They have to give a little something back, like common courtesy.

Don't let these boys who got lost on their way to tinder fool you. Submissives are always in control, a true dom won't assume anything, they will ask for consent and conduct themselves properly. Somewhere between kink and mainstream vanilla sex pesting got lost that if one can't be respectful and honour boundaries in a vanilla setting they've no chance in kink where negotiation, communication, respect and consent is even more important and paramount :)

I'm happy to chat if you want. You can DM me :)

[ph****]

thirsty ass people. block them

[Deleted Member]

Sorry, I'll get off my soap box now - to answer your question. Yes it's normal, no its not acceptable. Yes its an indicator the person doesn't know or understand kink, respect or basic human decency. No they don't belong here (or around any women).

[Deleted Member]

Nope. Would it be normal for you to claim someone as your lover, boyfriend or husband on introduction say in the street or public library? It’s no different. 

[Th****]

In any form/sub relationship there has to be respect. Everyone knows that respect is earned not given. You have to give it time regardless. Anyone that rushes stay away from. Difference between someone that understands and tries to understand. Even if intentions are in the right spot. Everyone needs time to build trust and a bond. Without that it's pointless. If rushing drop them like a bad habit. Feel comfortable. Don't put yourself in a bad spot. Have a safe word. If slightest uneasy feeling don't do it and stay away from them. You have to be comfortable to get the true satisfaction no matter Dom or Sub. Anyone who understands knows this already. Be safe. Good luck. And reach out if you need any points. Also don't hesitate to block them if they present a problem. 

[Ar****]

35 minutes ago, Athos-1967 said:

A good and experienced dominant may want to push your limits at some point, but they will never act like that on a first contact.

I'm not sure if this is what you meant to say or I'm just reading it wrong.

I would say that under normal circumstances a good dominant will never want to push a sub's limits, as they will respect that boundary they've laid down. The exception would be if the sub themselves has asked/encouraged them to do that.

That may be the occasion you referred to when you say may, otherwise this rankles a little bit of a "Dom knows best and will ignore sub's wishes" mentality. It needs to be clear for those who are learning. 

[Ro****]

This is the main problem happening in the apps. There are good people and worth talking too but most of the time people assume you are just another thirsty guy. So at the end as this is a battle I'm not willing to fight, I don't talk to anyone making this app useless...

[Mi****]

Consider it a term of endearment

[Ca****]

Honestly pretty normal from what I hear. Those are the ones you block.

[Ad****]

You are right to question everyone. No one can claim you unless you want them to. Be strong and know what you want. And block the rest

[Ad****]

I admire you for being yourself here

[Deleted Member]

19 minutes ago, Rockstone83 said:

This is the main problem happening in the apps. There are good people and worth talking too but most of the time people assume you are just another thirsty guy. So at the end as this is a battle I'm not willing to fight, I don't talk to anyone making this app useless...

This isn't about you, and you're just kinda following the 'it's about me' trend the entitled men she talks about are. They're there thinking they're entitled to submissiveness and you seem to think you're entitled to conversation. Maybe they looked at your profile and you're not for them, and I think most women can tell pretty well what a man's intentions are so if you're being treated like you're thirsty, when in your view you aren't approaching it that way... something is off with your comms.

Also your profile is Spanish(?) On a primarily English speaking app so it's kinda like... there's no profile

[ir****]

Hey, they are just wanna be Doms.
A real Dom will talk with you and engage you. Find your wants and desires. Talk with you about limits and how far you have already come and where you both want to go together.

There is a whole lot more to unpack but those are ones that are either abusive or just want to hit and ghost

[4F****]

Irishwolf is right. The Sub chooses to submit. it's up to the dom to create an environment where the suv feels safe and desires to be dominated by that individual.

[Deleted Member]

32 minutes ago, Mike60031 said:

Consider it a term of endearment

Have you read the rest of the comments? If you genuinely think it's endearing you're part of the issue! Read the room. This poor lady is basically gaslighting herself into feeling because she identifies as submissive she is subject to endless sex pesting, think about what impacts that may have to her mental health. To the mental health of women in YOUR life who suffer this daily... honestly!

[Deleted Member]

No, those are ignorant people who think of subs as property and they hold no value over you