Does being a sub make you a better dom?

[steelboundslave]

I know obviously being a sub and dom is switching, but I'm talking more about, in peoples experiences, do you think someone who is submissive, actually makes a more caring, more empathetic, and ultimiately, 'better' dom? I just think the experience of being a sub, and maybe taking bad experiences, or likes and dislikes can actually shape someone to be the sort of, ultimate dom. What do you folks think? Any truth in it for those who have experience serving a dom who has maybe been a sub for a long period?

[Deleted Member]

I wouldn’t necessarily say it makes better dom. And you will get some here that are a real would never bottom. But yes, I think they submissive at times can make you a better dom. Especially if you don’t have a lot of experience in the lifestyle.
This is just my personal experience, but I chopped for quite a while and then had a Domme or several months. Learn a lot about me about being a sub from that experience. It was not a good one.

[Gl****]

In the old days, you had to be a sub before you became a dom.

I do believe knowing what it feels like to be on the other side of the belt has helped me be a better Dom. I’ve never been sub but life experiences kind of naturally put me through the old process. I do think for quality control of the experiences, everyDom should know what it feels like to do the things they are doing to someone else, especially in the impact area of the lifestyle. 

[Hexapotamus]

The benefit for me being a switch is I can at times when I really am just needing a beating can go to a party and experience what a new toy would feel like on a partner. That's one of the big things I feel helps.

[DeviantInside]

In the old days, you had to be a sub before you became a dom.
I do believe knowing what it feels like to be on the other side of the belt has helped me be a better Dom. I’ve never been sub but life experiences kind of naturally put me through the old process. I do think for quality control of the experiences, everyDom should know what it feels like to do the things they are doing to someone else, especially in the impact area of the lifestyle. 

Ok… in some areas (particularly in america as I understand it) you had to be either a sub or mentored. And to be fair it does give you a greater understanding of how things work (physically, emotionally, mentally). But, from my opinion, it’s different for everyone. You don’t HAVE to but it is good to understand how it feels and works.

[Fu****]

23 years in kink... this question always comes up.

My opinion, some people need to bottom first so that they understand and some people do not need to.

[ey****]

Before I get to a main post

*in some territories/communities* you used to have to "be a sub" before you were "allowed" to be a Dom.

The reason this is no longer common place is because (a) people used it as a tool for misuse (b) actually, it's bullshit and there's no basis to the claim. 

[ey****]

Main Post

Sometimes when this comes up it's one that has me pulling what's left of my hair out.

Being a sub, or doing play deemed as submissive, may teach you what some things feel like - but ultimately it tells you what YOU like and dislike and how YOU feel in certain circumstances.  Which is important and valid, this is good to communicate.

However I have, over the years, come across too many Dominants (male and female) who have been a sub, found what they like and assume their subs will like it - or will feel the same way in some circumstances.  It actually ends up misunderstanding and lacking empathy rather than gaining it.  Equally, of course this can be true of Dominants who've only ever had one partner, assuming other people they play with will be the same (and I'm sure some subs are guilty of this towards Dominants)

Of course - I've met plenty of good Dommes who are switches (playing with one next week) or who HAVE "been a sub" first.  And I've met plenty, good and bad, who have not.

Really when it comes to a lot of things it can be about understanding what your partner likes or dislikes, why, and understanding this is not universal.  

 

[Lu****]

I think there's a lot to be said in a Dom experiencing the same thing they want to inflict on a sub at least once, not necessarily in a sexual context but as a "this is what this is" class kind of way. The Dom doesn't have to enjoy it, but until they put the nipple clamps on themselves, they'll never fully understand what the sun is physically feeling (mentally is where our preferences lie).

[ic****]

Never thought of it like that thanks for everyone’s feedback

[Mi****]

Sub's make the dom

[No****]

Im in university class on leadership… and it states studies have been done and a good leader is a good follower first. However there are also many inate personality traits that make one a natural good leader. Charisma as top meaning good listener, trist worthy, itegrity, respect etc and second is being team oriented. This is across six geographicaly regions studied

[No****]

I cant correct typos here so. It is what it is

[No****]

The repetitive answers are likely chatgpt

[Shilo66]

In short, the answer is NO.

It's like saying in order to be a good sub, you have to experience being a Dominant first in order to really understand what a Dom feels, expects of a sub, and, how a Dom needs to exert control on a sub.

As you can see, this is a somewhat silly notion, because many subs don't have any inkling to be a Dom or, to even try being one... Obviously, those interested in switching are a different story.

 

Edited March 27, 2025 by Shilo66

[steelboundslave]

8 hours ago, Shilo66 said:

In short, the answer is NO.

It's like saying in order to be a good sub, you have to experience being a Dominant first in order to really understand what a Dom feels, expects of a sub, and, how a Dom needs to exert control on a sub.

As you can see, this is a somewhat silly notion, because many subs don't have any inkling to be a Dom or, to even try being one... Obviously, those interested in switching are a different story.

 

Good way of looking at it, actually didn’t think of it this way around 👍

[PR****]

Nope

[PR****]

Topping from the bottom is like an agnostic or a libertarian… figure it out, already 😆

[pi****]

Hell no . I’m a sub and I can switch but I’m just not into it the same.