YES, it is selfish to expect a guy who likes blow jobs (BJs) to be okay with NOT getting any.
You either need to find a new partner who categorically states that HE doesn't mind NOT receiving BJs, or, YOU must be okay with your partner getting one elsewhere.
You can't have it both ways.
And I Read more… repeat, you can't expect a guy who enjoys BJs, to be okay with not getting any.
Imagine if he turned around to you and told you that he never really enjoyed giving you any affection - [but you like affection] - and from now on, he is going to stop giving or showing any.
From now on, it would be s-e-x only.
Would YOU stay with him once the affection is withdrawn???
Would YOU appreciate anyone telling YOU that YOU should put up with that and stay?
Because, just like YOU, it's well within HIS rights not to have to do something he doesn't want or like.

Just echoing and expanding on what some others have said here...
1- Make sure YOU know her very well and crucially, that YOU trust her implicitly... not the other way around. Unfortunately/fortunately (depending on how you view things) a BDSM / KINK contract, in the eyes of British Law, and most Read more… other countries, doesn't mean a thing.
So, if she's saying "no" repeatedly during the act, even though it's part of her fantasy to say so, and you carry on doing what you're doing, then YOU are in BIG trouble if she wakes up the next morning and decides that you went too far in HER fantasy!
2 - If you're going to do the g*** form of CNC, then you need to keep and get as much evidence as possible that she concented and wanted it. This means keeping all your communications, videos and correspondence where she is asking and stating clearly that she wants this. I'd go as far as getting her on video saying that this is a fantasy she wanted to do, literally just before you do it... and if she objects to this, then DO NOT DO IT!!!
Make sure you tell and show her what you're doing to keep YOURSELF safe from prosecution should she change her mind. AND IF she shows any disapproval of your actions, no matter how small, then DO NOT DO IT!!!
BECAUSE, if you end up going to prison, because she changed her mind, then her fantasy will become your reality.

I've looked through your profile, and there’s nothing wrong with your communication.... it's who YOU choose that is the issue.
And this is where we find out if you can or cannot take accountability for your choices and decisions.
This isn't meant to be a harsh comment, more a 'wake up call.
Many Read more… women on here, when they fall for the looks, the words, or even the voices, tend to ignore the massive RED FLAGS being waved in their faces once they're smitten.
Consequently, what then follows is that every time they're duped by a guy, it's always his fault for being a master manipulator and never their fault for choosing him.
Ignore the red flags at your peril.
Again, this is a wake up call, sorry if it comes across as being a little harsh.
There's only so many times you can blame it on them, before having to admit to yourself, it's also partially your own fault for picking them... because of ignoring those red flags.

The word I was trying to say was 'p ara pett' - deliberately misspelled because the original got asterisked.

'How do we move beyond performative inclusivity to actual structural change in kink culture?'
... By doing what you're doing now, first raise awareness and then.... NOT being afraid to raise your head above the pa***t!
I'm one of the very few Black guys on here who will speak up, and more Read more… importantly, speak out!... especially when there is an injustice, irrespective of race, gender, etc, etc.
If you look through my profile and at my conversations with various peoples on here, you'll notice that they'll often end up in shall we say "enthusiastic debate." This isn't because I'm argumentative, but because when I'm right, I'll stand my ground, and many don't like that... and I'm pretty sure that for some, it's simply because of the racial element.
If you take a look at some of the topics I've had to argue about, you can't help but ask yourself, "there's nothing to disagree with here, why are they arguing about it?"... I'll give a couple of examples.
When I previously told people about using the messaging facility to reduce dick pics, which was literally a Public Service Announcement to help those afflicted with receiving lots of these unsolicited photos - there was an argument with some from the very group who would benefit most.
When I told people about 'Clare's Law' here in the UK that helped people, particularly women to find out if their partner or ex partner had a conviction for domestic V- and there was an argument about that, and again it was with some from the very group who would benefit most.
There was only one logical conclusion, because nothing else made sense of why they'd argue about stuff that was / would help others.

LOL (in a nice way)... you're on a Kink site, most fellas aren't going to notice, and the ones that do, will probably have a fetish for a bit of belly anyway.
So, I wouldn't worry AT ALL, you'll be fine.

The dynamic is whatever all the people involved in that particular dynamic want it to be.
You set your own rules (consents) and adhere to them. By the way, those rules aren't set in concrete. You'll probably modify some or all as the relationship goes on /develops. Again, this is between all the Read more… parties involved.
No one outside can tell you otherwise, because it's all about what works for your dynamic.

@LoveMoni... I'm pre-empting your next response to me.
This is what you wrote to someone else on here:
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I would've never even be able to know what to ask if I hadn't accidentally found his Facebook and hers. He was closed off in such an off way. He'd ask a Read more… million questions but only tell me sexual things about himself.
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This quote above, is a massive RED flag.
This is what YOU ignored.
Any 'more experienced' kinkster "accidentally" finding his 'Facebook and hers', would have realised they'd been deceived, and combined with him being so 'closed off', walked away.
There was no need to "confront" or ask for an explanation. It was all there in that one quote.
Surely, you're not that naive..

The above quote is what YOU wrote in your opening piece.
The above quote is what I responded to.
YOU then claimed that I had made a lot of assumptions and misinterpreted what you wrote.
Myself, and practically everyone else who has responded, has told you, albeit in slightly different ways, the Read more… same basic thing:
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... that you should trust your instincts and back away if a new person is being evasive and unwilling to answer basic questions about himself and his situation.
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BUT, rather than take the above sound advice given by myself and others, and, admitting that this is what you should have done and going forward will do in the future - you're here instead making all kinds of excuses why you this and why you that.
In other words, proving what I stated in my very first comment that you're one of those women who can't admit when she is wrong.
Newsflash: WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES... I make them often, it's life, the difference is, I'll admit to mine and learn from them.
I also recognise that I don't know everything, so when I ask for advice and I get that good advise, I'm grateful for it, because it saves me having to learn and find out the 'hard way.'
And one of the things I've learned, is to back away and not help further, anyone male, female or otherwise, who can't take good advice or admit when they've made a mistake or are wrong.