Safety and Respect

[M1****]

What do men do to address our rampant culture of domestic vi@lence? I keep seeing us complain about women on socials, without any regards to the reality of dv women live with daily, not even mentioning the silence of men on that evil online academy

I need my faith restored in us, how are men talking on these issues and protecting ourselves against ignoring and supporting rxpe culture

[Ir****]

Be the change you want to see in the world. And approach each encounter or relationship, no matter how fleeting, with the Campsite Rule.
“Leave it better than you found it”

[th****]

Never ***d a woman in my life. Been cheated on by 6. Men *** physically. Women *** psychologically. One is visible and punishable, the other isn't visible nor punishable. Men who *** women are cowards who do it when no one is looking. Not much good men can do about it when we're busy getting mentally ***d by our own women.

[Ir****]

2 minutes ago, this_mfr said:

Never ***d a woman in my life. Been cheated on by 6. Men *** physically. Women *** psychologically. One is visible and punishable, the other isn't visible nor punishable. Men who *** women are cowards who do it when no one is looking. Not much good men can do about it when we're busy getting mentally ***d by our own women.

So how do we fix this? I think that’s the dialogue OP was trying to get to. Neither is good for us.

[th****]

I look at it statistically. Every species has a percentage of failures. Most abusive men are psychologically disabled (psychopath, sociopath, narcissist, etc.). These can't be cured. They are genetic failures. I believe the fix isn't in stopping these men before they *** (because we can't). I believe the fix is in teaching women at a young age how to be more selective and choose better partners. That's what I had to learn about myself and why I kept picking cheaters. Which means we need to be better father's to teach them how to love themselves better, and have higher standards. Abusive men tell on themselves pretty early on in a relationship. Untrained women just ignore it or make excuses.

[Su****]

15 minutes ago, this_mfr said:

I look at it statistically. Every species has a percentage of failures. Most abusive men are psychologically disabled (psychopath, sociopath, narcissist, etc.). These can't be cured. They are genetic failures. I believe the fix isn't in stopping these men before they *** (because we can't). I believe the fix is in teaching women at a young age how to be more selective and choose better partners. That's what I had to learn about myself and why I kept picking cheaters. Which means we need to be better father's to teach them how to love themselves better, and have higher standards. Abusive men tell on themselves pretty early on in a relationship. Untrained women just ignore it or make excuses.

As a DV survivor I agree. Teach your daughter to choose better and escape early if red flags are seen. Help them know their worth.

[za****]

I would have to say, as a dv survivor, it needs to be taught across the board, not just to our daughters, but to our sons as well.

[Deleted Member]

Ur a beta

[Fo****]

As a DV and *** survivor who is also trans, there should be general education and clearly presented differences! Education of consent and proper communication should be very very important to anyone! There should be advocacy about safety, education about red flags and concerning behaviors. Also advocacy on how to safely seek help and build and find support!

[Deleted Member]

Raise our sons to be real men, proper Respectful men, real men don't hurt women,
The problem is that we have a generation that's grown up with little to no consequences in life and gone are the days of FAFO when i was younger and even now where i live you hurt a woman and you will find out real quick what happens.
Because of the little to no consequences we now we have this generation of males that call themselves men but are far from it.

[M1****]

26 minutes ago, anchoragechillguy said:

Ur a beta

If you are ok with rapists and ***ers attacking women - youre exposing yourself as a cancer. Stick with simping for lonely angry horny men, clearly youre more focused on submitting for male rapists and ***ers instead of

You are dismissed.

[jj****]

55 minutes ago, SubBella666 said:

As a DV survivor I agree. Teach your daughter to choose better and escape early if red flags are seen. Help them know their worth.

As a DV survivor who has been advocating for more mental health education, this line of argument is insanely wrong. Of course ***rs can be treated and they should be. Many ***rs were once victims themselves. Y’all need to actually look at the statistics if you want to argue based on statistics.

[jj****]

18 minutes ago, FoxPuppetPup said:

As a DV and *** survivor who is also trans, there should be general education and clearly presented differences! Education of consent and proper communication should be very very important to anyone! There should be advocacy about safety, education about red flags and concerning behaviors. Also advocacy on how to safely seek help and build and find support!

Thank you for restoring my already very thin faith in this community 😂
The simple reality is that a lot of people just don’t know how to handle emotions and they don’t know a lot about relationships. When i worked in law en***ment, there was *** targeting people who didn’t fit gender norms, *** because of very simple miscommunications, and *** because the people involved just didn’t know how to handle conflict. We make this problem sound more complex than it is when the core of it is that a lot of people just don’t know how to act and someone needs to actually teach them.

[Deleted Member]

I stick with my first comment raise our sons to be men.
But to play devils advocate - why is rate of male *** so high compared to women because women have the power to take everything you hold dear law always leans in the mothers favour even if she is not a good person or role model so there lies the problem too many kids growing up without both parents in the home kids need mum and dad to grow up to be good adults.
so I guess some people get violent and some end it as they will refuse to be violent

[to****]

I think that most of the time, a domestic ***r did not have a father or positive male role model during their formative childhood years. It’s not impossible for these people to change their ways, but they’ve got an awfully long road ahead of them. To further speculate, I think the fatherless phenomenon is probably linked to poverty. There really is nothing that well-to-do men can do to save these individuals. It’s like telling an addict to stop using.. unless that person REALLY wants to change, your words mean nothing. As with addict that steals all your sh*t to feed the monkey on their back, I think the only reasonable thing to do is choose for yourself not to associate with the domestic ***r. There’s not a whole lot else anyone can do.. besides being an example of respect towards women if you happen to have a son.

[za****]

8 minutes ago, tongue4u2use said:

I think that most of the time, a domestic ***r did not have a father or positive male role model during their formative childhood years. It’s not impossible for these people to change their ways, but they’ve got an awfully long road ahead of them. To further speculate, I think the fatherless phenomenon is probably linked to poverty. There really is nothing that well-to-do men can do to save these individuals. It’s like telling an addict to stop using.. unless that person REALLY wants to change, your words mean nothing. As with addict that steals all your sh*t to feed the monkey on their back, I think the only reasonable thing to do is choose for yourself not to associate with the domestic ***r. There’s not a whole lot else anyone can do.. besides being an example of respect towards women if you happen to have a son.

This isn't entirely true. Another thing that perpetuates this is how society pushes people. You see it all the time in the world around us. It's constantly pushed on both men and women. Men are supposed to be the strong, masculine types, which society equates to violent. This needs to change. I see ads constantly for dating apps where the guy is forcing a woman to swallow. Why would anyone ever do that? This type of thing is wrong, disgusting, and needs to be changed.

It's not just men either though. Women are abusive too, but per society, it either rarely gets reported because men are made fun of for reporting it, or are not believed.

[to****]

18 minutes ago, zaphod82 said:

This isn't entirely true. Another thing that perpetuates this is how society pushes people. You see it all the time in the world around us. It's constantly pushed on both men and women. Men are supposed to be the strong, masculine types, which society equates to violent. This needs to change. I see ads constantly for dating apps where the guy is forcing a woman to swallow. Why would anyone ever do that? This type of thing is wrong, disgusting, and needs to be changed.

It's not just men either though. Women are abusive too, but per society, it either rarely gets reported because men are made fun of for reporting it, or are not believed.

I don’t know, I believe that humans imitate the behavior of humans around them, especially as ***. If a kid sees daddy roughing up mommy all the time, well… monkey see, monkey do. Maybe macho culture has something to do with it too, as you say.. I just can’t picture it being as influential as seeing firsthand as a child how your mother is treated by your father or other guys.

But in response to the original question about what can men do about it.. we can treat women with respect, like all humans deserve to be treated. Also, we can choose not to interact with domestic ***rs and shun them from our social circle. There is not much else that can be done. If we grab that guy and beat the ever loving sh*t out of him, it’s probably richly deserved.. but are we any better? Are the kids watching going to interpret it as *** solving problems? The only person with the power to put that person in jail or give them any kind of legal comeuppance is the victim, which I am well aware can be harder than it sounds. Average guys cannot change guys that grew up with DV as ***. That is the domain of the psychiatrist. All average guys can do is treat women with respect and set an example for their sons. And shun known DV guys completely.

[Shilo66]

8 hours ago, M134 said:

What do men do to address our rampant culture of domestic vi@lence? I keep seeing us complain about women on socials, without any regards to the reality of dv women live with daily, not even mentioning the silence of men on that evil online academy

I need my faith restored in us, how are men talking on these issues and protecting ourselves against ignoring and supporting rxpe culture

Hopefully, this will partially restore your faith in us men. 

Way back, as you Americans would say, I told people on this site about a UK law that would help address the 'rampant culture of domestic vi@lence (DV), it's called:

 Clare's Law, often known officially as a Domestic Vi@lence Disclosure Scheme or similar, designates several ways for police officers to disclose a person's history of abusive behaviour to those who may be at risk from such behaviour. It is intended to reduce intimate partner vi@lence.

It basically works by former veectims of DV reporting their abooosers to the police, who will then, after dealing with said abooosers, put them on a register. So, if a new person (or anyone looking out for that person) suspects their partner or ex-partner of being an aboooser, they or an agency /anyone looking out for that person, can contact the police who will tell the enquirer if that partner /ex-partner has a history of abooosive behaviour or not. If they have, the idea is that once the enquirer knows, they'll hopefully have enough common sense to either stay away from or leave said aboooser, thereby avoiding being the aboooser's next veectim.

Ironically, when I made people aware of this Uk law on this site, and encouraged people to report said abooosers if they found themselves in such a DV situation, there were some women here who were actually advocating for other women not to do so.... despite the fact it was pointed out to them that the next veectim of such an aboooser could be their friend, seester, daaughter, mother, or other female relative or associate!!!

If you scroll through the comments section on my profile, you can see who they are.... and they were the same ones who claimed to be looking out for other women in the Kinkyverse here!!

It was the same sort of thing from said self-professed female guardians of other women, who argued with me, when I was one of the very few men on this site to tell women about the feature, in the message filter, that could reduce the amount of dic pics they were getting. It was as if the 'guardians' didn't want other women to know, because they liked complaining about getting said dick pics, but didn't actually want anything done about them. So, although the 'guardians' already knew about this feature, they didn't want it to be common knowledge.... they probably ***ed it would reduce their influence over the other women here.

Bottom line is, nowadays, there are quite a few tools, laws, processes and other instruments available to women, I've mentioned just two above, and, quite a few guys happy to encourage women to report wrong-doing and to use those instruments... but if they won't, there's little more we can' do.

I strongly agree that we should be educating boys as well as girls in this respect, but that will only take effect for the next generation, when what we need are remedies to deal with the low-lifes today.... and that's where more women need to play their part... now. 

  

 

 

   

 

 

Edited May 2 by Shilo66

[RA****]

I’ve noticed more DV between lesbian couples then men and women

[Fo****]

3 hours ago, FoxPuppetPup said:

As a DV and *** survivor who is also trans, there should be general education and clearly presented differences! Education of consent and proper communication should be very very important to anyone! There should be advocacy about safety, education about red flags and concerning behaviors. Also advocacy on how to safely seek help and build and find support!

Additionally as being a victim of both men AND women who SA'd me, I believe we should educate about this topic in general and not assume biases!

[TheZenCommander]

Oooof there's some gross comments in here. Kudos to the brave op. We want more of this! 👏👏👏

I think it's pretty simple. We should
C A S T R A T E those that are convicted of dv. I bet boys would think twice if that was the consequence.

We should not, train women to pick better. Omg. Why do we need to do the work? Why not just not g*** us? Wtf? No is a full sentence! And if you think we don't try to educate our daughters on what to look for, you're sadly mistaken. Men lie and coerce and pretend in order to get close. They love bomb then show their teeth. How do you prepare for that? Educate around that? "Mean guys are mean guys, but sometimes nice guys are actually mean guys too. You know, best to just avoid all of them"

We should not keep reporting them to a list, mr.uk. Jimmy Savile was reported sooooo many times. How did that work out? Is he on a list? This just isn't practical in reality.

We should not be citing how 'women do this too' wtf? Of course, we're fighting for our gd lives and autonomy since birth. 🙄 show me stats. Do you know the most likely cause of d3ath in pregnant women is due to dv? Come on. Numbers don't lie.

This isn't a both sides problem. And it's not our job to fix it.

[za****]

12 minutes ago, TheZenCommander said:

Oooof there's some gross comments in here. Kudos to the brave op. We want more of this! 👏👏👏

I think it's pretty simple. We should
C A S T R A T E those that are convicted of dv. I bet boys would think twice if that was the consequence.

We should not, train women to pick better. Omg. Why do we need to do the work? Why not just not g*** us? Wtf? No is a full sentence! And if you think we don't try to educate our daughters on what to look for, you're sadly mistaken. Men lie and coerce and pretend in order to get close. They love bomb then show their teeth. How do you prepare for that? Educate around that? "Mean guys are mean guys, but sometimes nice guys are actually mean guys too. You know, best to just avoid all of them"

We should not keep reporting them to a list, mr.uk. Jimmy Savile was reported sooooo many times. How did that work out? Is he on a list? This just isn't practical in reality.

We should not be citing how 'women do this too' wtf? Of course, we're fighting for our gd lives and autonomy since birth. 🙄 show me stats. Do you know the most likely cause of d3ath in pregnant women is due to dv? Come on. Numbers don't lie.

This isn't a both sides problem. And it's not our job to fix it.

1 in 4 women are victims of dv, however, 1 in 9 males are as well. It IS an issue affecting both sides. Men have to fight as well.

According to the CDC, 1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men experience physical *** by their intimate partner at some point during their lifetime.

And to show the statistics,
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK499891/

[Vi****]

Be pridefulin what you do(or dont do), I see a lot of "because she had this type of clothing on, or she looked a certain way, and even up to "she said these things in a flirtatious manner", key point it's men saying these in defense to what they have done after the fac as an excuse ot what they have done. Be a REAL man and look and dont touch, no mean NO, respect them as you would respect your ***s and your homies, let them make it blantly obvious the act is on, no coearsion no intoxiation to make them go yes zone, make it like the old skool days and take time build charisma get your mojo going, with everything INSTANT these days a lot of boys pretending to be men want that instant gratification. It's a sad state but if we all teach our kids our bro's and theirs the same rules and respect it will sprad faster then a viral meme on a friday night

[un****]

While we (both men and women) should all try to see red flags, and take precautions to protect ourselves any type of *** is a societal problem.

A few comments on here are treating *** against women and DOmestic *** as the same thing. They are not. Domestic *** can happen to anyone - man, woman, child, non-binary, trans - within a any domestic setting (in other words 'where they call home).

*** against women can occur at any time, in any circumstance, at a number of different levels.

***, in any capacity, is a societal problem, and therefore, if you are a part of a society in which this occurs, you should be part of the solution.

Everyone can do this. Here are a few things anyone can do:
*Lead by example. Show people how to manage difficult situations and people without ***.

*Call out disrespect of anyone when you see it. Often DV is suspected or becomes an open secret. If you refuse to acknowledge this behaviour, you are implying the person suffering the *** should continue to suffer in silence. If you can't say to a stranger, colleague, friend, family member etc that being disrespectful is not ok, how can you possibly expect the *** person in any circumstance to say that for themselves.

*Educate yourself on the issue from a wide range of sources. Don't expect those of us who have been/are going through it to educate you.

*Create open discussions like this where different people can share their POV. And don't be an ass when people disagree with you (again this is part of the problem, not the solution).

*Treat people respectfully, empathetically and most of all, equally. By doing this you minimise the inherent societal power dynamics, thereby reducing all sorts of ***.

*Listen. Listen to the words people use. Listen to the things they aren't saying, the gaps in their stories. Listen to that little voice that says to you something is off. Listen to your body when someone says something you don't agree with.

If *** is a societal problem, then every member of society has the opportunity to do something about it.
Just take care of your piece of the world, set examples for everyone to see.

If everyone who thinks they aren't part of the problem just did some of the above, we'd be a whole lot closer to a solution, IMHO.

[Deleted Member]

A man should be masculine society looks at it as a violent person that's because they have no need for that at the present time but the time will come and the way the world is at the moment probably sooner than later, then they will be saying why is there no masculine men capable of *** to protect us and our country.
A man should be capable of *** but what makes a real man is knowing when and when not to use it