Safety and Respect

[TheZenCommander]

43 minutes ago, ObeyOmen said:

😂😂😂 put me into a pit 😂😂😂

This whole thread is hilarious, it really shows people’s insecurities about how they can’t handle their past trauma and only look to project it onto others who never caused any harm nor ever would. “tHeSeS stATs sAy” 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 grow up

Your trolling exposes your weakness

[61****]

I feel like the author is virtue signalling, "hey I'm a good guy, I'm concerned about these darn men!". News flash, don't do it and teach your kids not to do it. My ex got arrested for hitting my whole I was holding our child so stop making it a toxic male thing, grow up, this post is nothing about awareness and more about "awwww he cares!"

[61****]

Me while I was holding child not my whole lol

[TheZenCommander]

On 5/2/2026 at 10:02 AM, Shilo66 said:

What an utterly asinine response to such a serious question.

It is obvious that wisdom and intelligence have been chasing you for some time... but you have always been faster.

First off, in order for someone to be convicted of DV,  in 97% of cases, the perpetrator has had to be REPORTED first.The exceptions to this rule are extremely rare... in case you haven't figured it out, they're the 3%

To make it clearer for you, in the very vast majority of DV situations, NO REPORT = NO CONVICTIONS.

 

Secondly, in light of the fact that maybe English isn't your first language, "NOWADAYS" is an adverb meaning at the present time or in these days, usually comparing the current situation to a past era. So, despite me clearly stating 'NOWADAYS,' you still decided to mention, Jimmy Saville, to highlight a somewhat ridiculous point. He was formally exposed as a prolific sexual predator in October 2012, nearly a year after his death in October 2011.  Clare's Law, officially known as the Domestic Vi@lence Disclosure Scheme (DVDS), was introduced in all police fources in England and Wales in March 2014.... partially as a result of his exposure, because before this, there was no such mechanism to record such offending / perpetrators, especially those as prolific as that monster. 

Thirdly, " This isn't a both sides problem. And it's not our job to fix it." Yet another completely asinine comment to make considering that the majority of SA victims are women. So you're saying that you recognise there's a problem but you want no part in addressing it, despite the fact that (repeating my point here) women are the main veectims... from abooosers, be they men or women. Yes, there are stats to prove that DV rates are higher in Lesbian intimate relationships than they are in heterosexual intimate relationships, which is still wrong, full stop.

For someone who claims to be 'sapiosexual', your comments are more in line with someone of the Dunning-Kruger effect. 

Perpetrators of SA and DV can sleep easier in their beds now, knowing that there'll always be someone advocating for veectims not to say or REPORT anything, thereby reducing their chances of being caught. Because, Law Enfourcement agencies and Authorities, rely on REPORTS and EVIDENCE, and if none is forthcoming, how the hell do you expect them to 'do their jobs in these situations'???

The systems, processes and laws that are currently in place, may not be perfect, but at least they're a start, which is much better than what you propose - which is to do, say and report nothing. 

In fact, here's a challenge for you, instead of pew pewing  the instruments that are currently available, why don't YOU propose a better, practical, workable way of reducing SAs and DVs... We'll wait.  

 

I did. I suggested c a s t r a t I o n, you chose to ignore that. I'm not saying people shouldn't report. I'm saying that's our only recourse currently, and that DOES NOT WORK! Savile was reported numerous times with no investigation. Had they believed and followed up on the first report, how many would have been saved? How about epstein? How many reports? How many years before action was taken and still, where's the justice being served.

Let me tell you about my daughter, 1.5 meters tall, less than 50 kilos. While she was sleeping, her bf went through her phone and didn't like a message he saw. He, over 2 meters tall, weighing more than 100kg of muscle. He decided this was cause to str@ngle her in her sleep. She awoke, bit him in the chest to get away, ran n@ked to her neighbors for help. They called the police. Police arrived, talked to him first, saw the bite mark on his chest, saw the hand marks around her throat, talked to the neighbors about the call, and then they arrested my daughter for ***, left him at her house, took her to the station and then released her, to him. Luckily I stepped in to confront him and to keep her alive.

So no, reporting isn't the viable answer. Not in most cases. Not when the systems and supposed protectors are misogynistic and patriarchal.

 

[TheZenCommander]

Yesterday at 01:26 PM, ObeyOmen said:

Wild. How about those of us who aren’t doing those terrible things?? Aren’t we mitigating it just by being who we are? Disappointing really when you all have had fathers/brothers/uncles/nephews/sons who haven’t done it and are still lumped into the same crowds who are terrible people. But I digress, what do I know? Lol

But look how terrible you are with even your words. Even your words express *** and disdain for women. Dismissive and misogynistic. No empathy or desire to understand or mitigate the issue. Clearly we see you're not aligned with us. you just want to exert your *** and h@te in a space that is asking for solutions. Poisonous.

[TheZenCommander]

Saturday at 03:45 AM, tongue4u2use said:

I dunno, fellas. I get that a man can be ***d by a man, but you guys are talking about being ***d by a woman, right? I have questions… but I’m going to let it go and assume you just handled the trauma well enough to get a chubby and do the deed.

As a man, I am never concerned about meeting a woman I met online. If I am worried about anything, it’s some kind of setup involving a man she is in cahoots with. I am also curious about all this female on male DV.. I think we can all agree that men are generally larger and stronger. If I am being wrongfully attacked by a woman she is going to be pacified with *** if that is the only way, and then I’m calling the police myself to haul her off.

Which brings me to my next point… people need to start trusting the police and calling on them at the first sign of trouble. They’re ordinary people doing an important and hard and dangerous and unappreciated job. If everyone called the police and pressed charges like they know they should, we probably wouldn’t be having this discussion. Because all the DV folks would be behind bars and when they got out, they’d know they’re going back the first time they hit a woman.. that is, in a world where everyone calls the police and presses charges. Not the world we live in, unfortunately.

That is not to say I am without sympathy for the victims. Some men out there have been practicing the art of manipulation since puberty, and they’ve gotten pretty good at it. I’ve known sociopaths like this, and I’ve known the women they victimized, and the women cannot be held at fault in any way shape or form. Yes, teach your daughters what to look out for, but it only goes so far. There is no way to detect these wolves in sheep’s clothing. They are good at concealing their intentions and have had a long time to hone their craft. And I’m sure they are skilled at getting their female counterparts to drop charges as well. That is one way to combat this tho.. call the police, and press charges. Every time. Don’t take matters into your own hands. Don’t attempt to dispense vigilante justice, and do not commit the sin of silence. Pick up the phone dial 911 and resolve yourself to pressing charges. Get these people locked up and in the criminal justice system. Don’t let yourself carry the guilt of hearing about how they victimized another person after you because you didn’t press charges when you could have.

Reporting seems like such a viable option in theory, but in reality it doesn't work like that. And yes, men can be r@ped. The body responds to stimuli, even against our will. So let's not use this to victim blame in any direction.

But the point of the conversation isn't what should women do to seek justice. The op asked what are men doing to help mitigate the issue amongst themselves. And leaving it to us to seek justice isn't answering that question or the desparate societal need for men to hold each other accountable.

[TheZenCommander]

9 hours ago, 615dub903 said:

I feel like the author is virtue signalling, "hey I'm a good guy, I'm concerned about these darn men!". News flash, don't do it and teach your kids not to do it. My ex got arrested for hitting my whole I was holding our child so stop making it a toxic male thing, grow up, this post is nothing about awareness and more about "awwww he cares!"

But you took the opportunity to show us that you don't care. "Grow up" he says. Which is what? The opposite of virtue signaling? Showing us how awful you are? Thanks. Now we know to avoid you too.

[61****]

The zen commander not near hot enough to matter lol, I do care, I never would hurt a woman and I teach my boys to always respect women, My daughter knows If anyone hurts her I will take care of it, my point is, This post is allllll about the author showing 'what a swell guy he is". Zen commander you are obviously full of man hate, keep it to yourself "Zen commander " lol what a joke, real men will defend and honor real women and teach our kids as well, I love that Zen commander checked me out them blocked me, I'm not awful, U just see through BS post, sorry I'm smarter than you oh fem gawd

[61****]

If y'all haven't noticed Fem commander is just sooooo much smarter than all us toxic males, she can do it allllll herself guys , now down too her lol

[TheZenCommander]

15 minutes ago, 615dub903 said:

The zen commander not near hot enough to matter lol, I do care, I never would hurt a woman and I teach my boys to always respect women, My daughter knows If anyone hurts her I will take care of it, my point is, This post is allllll about the author showing 'what a swell guy he is". Zen commander you are obviously full of man hate, keep it to yourself "Zen commander " lol what a joke, real men will defend and honor real women and teach our kids as well, I love that Zen commander checked me out them blocked me, I'm not awful, U just see through BS post, sorry I'm smarter than you oh fem gawd

One must go to someone's profile to block them. I didn't check you out. you exposed yourself, so I simply made sure you can never appear in my DMs. But please, keep exposing what a nice guy you are here. 🤣 I'm sure the other ladies reading this are swarming to your inbox with excitement.

[61****]

Yep no issue meeting real ladies, You obviously didn't read what I wrote, you are on here trashing everyone, ai simply said I think the author just trying to look great to Simone minded folks like yourself , I think you are the one with the problem meeting folks, I have had a blast on here, I problem at all meeting real women, not angry fems like you and like I said move along, you too ugly to talk this way to me, I was raised by three women I was the only male and the youngest in my house, no one touched my ***s and I never hurt a lady in my life, if you could get past your man hate and read you would have seen that in my post, you are not nearly as smart or as impressive as you think you are, Your name shows how delusional you are, nothing Zen about you, and I promise no dudes on here impressed with you.....

[61****]

Why would they block out the words ***s? Lol

[61****]

Trust me the last place I would ever go to is your dm's nasty sunken in cheeks turd

[61****]

The mighty Fem Commander on here telling everyone "you know nothing, I am the one with allllll the experience" Gawd you are the problem lady, loon at how many folks you are on her lecturing like you have the answer! Your daughter might have been a victim, I am not one to judge but in my case, my ex is 98 pounds, I am only 160 but still bigger., I help my son while she hit me and attached me over a dozen times, when police arrived she claimed self defense, They arrested her because no marks on her just me, in your daughter's case something isn't right, they have to arrest someone if they respond to domestic and there is actual contact

[61****]

But you really should learn to read what people are saying, the fact this was even posted on this site is weird and why? Just a lane topic on a site that should be fun, the world is full or horrible things, hitting women and hitting *** too of the lait, but the topic on here is lane, no one wants to see this crap on here, post it on you insta or face book, not a Kink site of alllllllll places good lawd, just lame, And I fully expected a look like you to be blasting folks that's another reason the topic sucks, do you really think the author posted this seeking answers and advice? Like the dude with a sex dungeon searchingfor a lady is gonna be like, Hold on let's address this depressing topic about real world crap on a fun fantasy app? GTFOH, it's an obvious post to start trouble and make himself look like the swell guy next door, in reality, those are the dudes that end up on news with neighbors saying "he seemed so sweet' as if we do r have enough of this crap I'm real world, NEXT topic, but yes me. Don't hit women , cause we alllllll needed to be reminded it's bad, foooo gawd this world I swear

[FETMOD-BD]

Well, it seems some people can't play nice - I'm not removing inappropriate comments as that would involve removing a lot of the thread, but rest assured, appropriate action has been taken where necessary.

[Ar****]

I don´t want to be a complete doomer. But "men" as a group does very little to adress domestic *** culture and *** culture.

Domestic *** is not an isolated issue. It involves economy, education, gender roles, biology, power structures.

You can´t combat it without touching and changing it all.
Economic independence is needed to not be fettered to a violent spouse.
Knowledge and education allows and unlocks so many doors. Doors to economic independence, the ability to strategize.. Knowing options that exist.
Men as a group is dangerous, more dangerous than the group women. The stats are indisputable. *** is directed from men towards women, with few exceptions (this does not mean they do not happen or that those incidents are not as important.)
As has been said above, those that don´t take male victims seriously is very often men, or are influenced by what is seen as what a "male" is. Being weak and ***d does not fit with their image of a male and thus removes the malehood from them. This is one of the big causers in my belief.
To combat *** and domestic ***. The "male" has to be changed. It always is changing. What is seen as manly has changed so much through history. But it needs to be changed deliberatly, not left to chance. This is not something easy, it is a true humanity wide project that would take... hundreds of years probably. But it has already begun. Male supremacy is not seen as it was hundreds of years ago. The husbands control over the household is seen as barbaric (to most sane people).
Men have to reinvent themselves. The power struggles that craves the need to dominate women. The insecurities. This is not done in a day.

Biology in itself has given men on average a bigger *** potential. This is not feasible to change. But knowing it exists and taking it into consideration is important.

To combat all old power structures. Patriarchical, I know many men cringe at that word. But listen to the stories of victims. Not being taken seriously from police. Being harassed by police. This is such a big field and cannot be covered in this post. But it is so wide and encompasses everything I mentioned above.
For instance I can mention a friend who was ***d. She was a drug addict at the time. The rapist was a rich dentist. She didn´t want to report and go to the police because "Who will believe a drug addict."
There are so many intertwined power structures to combat. Whole societies.
What can men do? Try to pick a thread when you find it. Try to unravel what you can. By many hands, perhaps slowly the web will unravel.

[Shilo66]

17 hours ago, TheZenCommander said:

 

I did. I suggested c a s t r a t I o n, you chose to ignore that. I'm not saying people shouldn't report. I'm saying that's our only recourse currently, and that DOES NOT WORK! Savile was reported numerous times with no investigation. Had they believed and followed up on the first report, how many would have been saved? How about epstein? How many reports? How many years before action was taken and still, where's the justice being served.

Let me tell you about my daughter, 1.5 meters tall, less than 50 kilos. While she was sleeping, her bf went through her phone and didn't like a message he saw. He, over 2 meters tall, weighing more than 100kg of muscle. He decided this was cause to str@ngle her in her sleep. She awoke, bit him in the chest to get away, ran n@ked to her neighbors for help. They called the police. Police arrived, talked to him first, saw the bite mark on his chest, saw the hand marks around her throat, talked to the neighbors about the call, and then they arrested my daughter for ***, left him at her house, took her to the station and then released her, to him. Luckily I stepped in to confront him and to keep her alive.

So no, reporting isn't the viable answer. Not in most cases. Not when the systems and supposed protectors are misogynistic and patriarchal.

And what are you, the good guy? The one insulting my intelligence? Denying my experience? Telling us we should all use a system that's not meant to really protect us? No, you're just as poisonous as the others.

I'm curious why YOU and @AKA_Copper chose to ignore the post below by SubBella666?

We all know you both saw it.

She successfully used a tool - Clare's Law - that you have both strongly implied either doesn't work or hardly works.

So, why haven't you commented to her that Clare's Law doesn't or hardly works????... Is it because it's confirmation that you are both wrong but are loathed to admit that fact?

But what's really chilling, is that had she listened and followed the advice of naysayers, and didn't use this tool to check him out, she could have ended up being his next veectim of SA or DV!

I think it's quite disgusting that there are women actually advocating to other women NOT to use the few tools that are currently around to help them not be a SA or DV veectim. It says a lot about their character... or lack thereof.

And, it's always those same advocates who never have any sensible, real time, viable suggestions to tackling SA or DV, but they're always happy to knock the few tools that are around or emerging that try.

Of course those tools aren't going to be perfect, but at least they're a start, and much better than the alternatives of the advocates... Say nothing, do nothing, report nothing.... just become another veectim.

It's as if they (the advocates) just enjoy moaning about the problem, but don't actually want it fixed.

Now someone here said that you can find stats for anything, so let's put that to a challenge, shall we...

If I was to ask how many people would like to be the unwilling veectim of a SA or DV, I'm pretty certain that 99.9% would say NO, they would NOT like to be an unwilling veectim. Please, find me a stat that would conclude otherwise?... we'll wait.

The reason I mention this, is because the person who mentioned it was quite dismissive of the few tools that are available to us to find out about these things... and as usual, can't offer or suggest a viable other means of measuring this kind of thing.

On 5/2/2026 at 4:03 PM, SubBella666 said:

 

I recently used Clare's law. It was really easy and it absolutely confirmed my suspicions and I ended the relationship. Invaluable and I will ALWAYS use it in future

 

[AKA_Copper]

55 minutes ago, Shilo66 said:

 

Neither @TheZenCommander nor I suggested to anyone that they do not make use of Clares law nor did we make a blanket statement that it doesn't work. What we said was, it has its faults, shouldnt be relied upon and quite frankly it shouldn't be required in the first place. Men should be able to act like decent people.

Out of interest, how many women have you worked with/supported that have experienced male v1olence be that DA or SA. What's your experience of such incidents that gives you so much insight into VAWG to feel so confident in shouting people with that experience down?

The reason VAWG is so prevalent is that women and g1rls are not listened to, not believed and the voice of the male is still louder than ours as evidenced within this thread where you have a man clearly displaying misogynistic/violent behaviour towards others and no apparent comeuppance evident.

[M1****]

On 5/4/2026 at 6:08 PM, 615dub903 said:

I feel like the author is virtue signalling, "hey I'm a good guy, I'm concerned about these darn men!". News flash, don't do it and teach your kids not to do it. My ex got arrested for hitting my whole I was holding our child so stop making it a toxic male thing, grow up, this post is nothing about awareness and more about "awwww he cares!"

“I feel like” blah blah - my friend was ***ed by her partner last weekend, so thats why i was talking to men

It seems youre more interested in perpetuating r@pe culture…but, weak men bow in submission to violent ignorant men…but we see your virtue signaling to males.

[Shilo66]

4 hours ago, AKA_Copper said:

 

Neither @TheZenCommander nor I suggested to anyone that they do not make use of Clares law nor did we make a blanket statement that it doesn't work. What we said was, it has its faults, shouldnt be relied upon and quite frankly it shouldn't be required in the first place. Men should be able to act like decent people.

Out of interest, how many women have you worked with/supported that have experienced male v1olence be that DA or SA. What's your experience of such incidents that gives you so much insight into VAWG to feel so confident in shouting people with that experience down?

The reason VAWG is so prevalent is that women and g1rls are not listened to, not believed and the voice of the male is still louder than ours as evidenced within this thread where you have a man clearly displaying misogynistic/violent behaviour towards others and no apparent comeuppance evident.

LOL, you have consistently strongly implied that Clare's Law is not very effective... your statements are still there for ALL to read. 

Trying to back peddle now is not going to cut any ice with anyone.

Obviously, I don't mind conversations like these, because it means that more and more people, will look up Clare's Law just to see what all the fuss is about. And of the people who will look it up, will be those who will find it useful either for themselves, or, for some people they know.  

LOL, despite your best attempts, you have inadvertently helped to spread the word about Clare's Law, so I thank you. 

And, you really should do your research before commenting and making yourself look, erm... the way you're looking now... 

You see, the VAWG you talk about, and your other statement that women and g1rls voices are not being listened to... Clare's law is a direct response to that.

The clue is in the name... CLARE'S LAW, not Fred's law or David's law, but CLARE'S!!!

Clare's Law was spear-headed by her mom, after her daughter, Clare, was unalived by her (Clare's) partner who had convictions for SA and DV. 

Clare's mom argued that had her daaaughter known about them, she would have left him. Other women who had also been veectims of SA and DV, came forward with the same complaint that they should have been told about such histories. You know why?.. BECAUSE AT THAT TIME, the police and other law enfourcement agencies were not allowed to divulge such information. Clare's mom, along with other campaainers, fought long and hard to get this exception to the law made. 

So, what was it you were saying about women and g1rls voices not being heard???????? 

 

 

  

Edited May 5 by Shilo66

[un****]

19 hours ago, 615dub903 said:

The zen commander not near hot enough to matter lol, I do care, I never would hurt a woman and I teach my boys to always respect women, My daughter knows If anyone hurts her I will take care of it, my point is, This post is allllll about the author showing 'what a swell guy he is". Zen commander you are obviously full of man hate, keep it to yourself "Zen commander " lol what a joke, real men will defend and honor real women and teach our kids as well, I love that Zen commander checked me out them blocked me, I'm not awful, U just see through BS post, sorry I'm smarter than you oh fem gawd

Real men also don't dismiss a woman's opinion because of her looks.

"... not near hot enough to matter ..."

Sorry dude, but this statement is a prime indicator of internalised misogyny.

I left the "lol" out of the quote because it is irrelevant. Whether the statement is a joke doesn't matter; it's only funny to people who also have internalised misogyny.

It's also pretty basic. You're basically saying, "Yeah. Well. You're ugly."

That is not an argument that proves you are smarter than anyone.

[TheZenCommander]

7 hours ago, AKA_Copper said:

Neither @TheZenCommander nor I suggested to anyone that they do not make use of Clares law nor did we make a blanket statement that it doesn't work. What we said was, it has its faults, shouldnt be relied upon and quite frankly it shouldn't be required in the first place. Men should be able to act like decent people.

Out of interest, how many women have you worked with/supported that have experienced male v1olence be that DA or SA. What's your experience of such incidents that gives you so much insight into VAWG to feel so confident in shouting people with that experience down?

The reason VAWG is so prevalent is that women and g1rls are not listened to, not believed and the voice of the male is still louder than ours as evidenced within this thread where you have a man clearly displaying misogynistic/violent behaviour towards others and no apparent comeuppance evident.

👏👏👏 100%

[TheZenCommander]

8 hours ago, Shilo66 said:

 

I didn't say anything to her because she is a woman struggling with her own trauma in her own way. I have a lot of empathy for that struggle. Many of us know it well. But you, you have shown your teeth. We know what kind of guy you are. You're not an ally, you're not a nice guy, and you're not safe. You're the wolf in sheep's clothing that we all know so well already. But you don't want to look at that so you lash out at me for telling you systems are flawed, not enough. You twist my words to fit your narrative. What will you do, how will you act when this kind of tragedy falls on your doorstep? You'll tell your daughter, ***, cousin to go report and when they come back still feeling unsafe, you'll talk to them like this? What would it take for you to stop and listen to women?

[TheZenCommander]

3 hours ago, M134 said:

“I feel like” blah blah - my friend was ***ed by her partner last weekend, so thats why i was talking to men

It seems youre more interested in perpetuating r@pe culture…but, weak men bow in submission to violent ignorant men…but we see your virtue signaling to males.

Sending so much love and healing to you. What a terrible tragedy. I'm so sorry for your loss.