No strings attached. Is it still a true dynamic?

[Ma****]

Hello everyone.

I’m currently in a NSA/Situationship. My question is, could we still classify us as Dom & Sub, even if the relationship isn’t committed? We respect each other, have our set of rules and boundaries and have our own private lives but as soon as we’re alone… she’s new to this and up to know we didn’t think about a label, especially since we have an “expiration date”.

Has anyone had some experience with this?

For info:

-She’s a sub (never has been in a d/s dynamic before tho, but knows what she likes and what she doesn’t)
-I’m older than her (not considerably but noticeable)
-We’ve got merely 6 months left until we’ve got to split ways

[Deleted Member]

Why do you need a label to define your relationship? Do you feel societal pressure to do it? If it works for both of you, I don’t see the problem.

[typhoon2]

My personal take on this sort of situation is that if each play session and scene is negotiated then you're Top/bottom. If you are working from a list of previously-agreed scenes, where she gives blanket permissions and you choose which one to enact, then that's D/s. Whether it's an hour or a lifetime, the label refers more to the style of negotiation and power exchange. Don't get too hung up on specific labels though -it's more about enthusiastic, ongoing, informed consent and what works for you two.

[ey****]

if there are rules and boundaries then it's not "no strings"

[an****]

Why the expiration date? Out of curiosity?

[Ch****]

A dom is a dominant, a sub is a submissive. I'm submissive with a dominant if I'm meeting for an hour or the rest of my life. Its who you are, it's not the same as can we say we are husband and wife if not married. If you feel one is dom and one is sub then that's your dynamic. X x

[La****]

Meaning, it is just casual one.
Still a true D/s connection, just not a true official relationship. Yall not ‘exclusive’ towards each other and foremost, dont have real rights regarding control on who you guys want to connect with—outside your own connection. In simple, dont have obligations to be so involved in each other lives and also life decisions. Thats how I see it. But also, you just think too much into it dawg.

[Ma****]

20 minutes ago, angieange said:

Why the expiration date? Out of curiosity?

Moving to a different city, the both of us

[an****]

2 minutes ago, MattyBlue said:

Moving to a different city, the both of us

Thank you for indulging my nosiness!

[Ma****]

25 minutes ago, Lady_King said:

Meaning, it is just casual one.
Still a true D/s connection, just not a true official relationship. Yall not ‘exclusive’ towards each other and foremost, dont have real rights regarding control on who you guys want to connect with—outside your own connection. In simple, dont have obligations to be so involved in each other lives and also life decisions. Thats how I see it. But also, you just think too much into it dawg.

Tell that to the overthinker 😂 but thank you, still

[ey****]

28 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

if there are rules and boundaries then it's not "no strings"

though just in what I kinda mean

I'd see No Strings as kinda, really - folk who can do what they want and maybe have the occasional meet where neither gets upset if the other says no

without getting overly terminal - I'd think 'Play Partner' is a valid term, and if you want to call it 'No Strings' if that works for you then, meh, that's more important than my opinion

But my opinion is ALSO that YES that is a "valid" dynamic (and that maybe when it's rephrased as Play Partner it feels more like that) regardless of if there is an end date or stuff only happens when you're together 

[cl****]

I feel these titles are stupid. Ur relationship is 2sr what u have in ur mind, then 2nd what u agree on.

[Jo****]

Only One Answer for this : Depends on whom you are with ! know yourself and explain what you expect - If they don’t match your vibe just pass :)

[Na****]

Yeah not every Dom/sub relationship has to be fully committed relationship. As the guy above said play partners typically work as a title. That itself kind of clarifys it. Play partners can end when ever. But people should be careful about casually having a Dom/sub nsa situation for safety reasons. At least you guys are covering rules. Some others end up in ugly situations like that.

[Charms]

There are lots of dynamics that I know were the people are nit dating each other.

They just meet up for kink time then go there operate ways.

Master and l were not dating when we first started out

[Wi****]

7 hours ago, angieange said:

Why the expiration date? Out of curiosity?

I agree with Angie. Why an expiration date?
No strings typically means that both parties can just walk away at anytime No hard feelings.

I also agree with blacksheep. If you have rules which are "strings" boundaries which are "strings " it's not NSA.

And if you have an expiration date, then there are strings at least until the expiration date.

So your relationship is set to expire even if you both still have a desire to keep it going? I would suggest that you determine if it's possible to renegotiate the expiration date.

As for the age, if age was an issue, you probably wouldn't be together now.
In my own experience, age is less of an issue than a lot of other things.
I have interactions with people who from 30s to 60s. Everyone has their presence. Some people have an age preference and to some it doesn't matter.

[Na****]

My guess is they are or one is visiting the area 🤔. So it's expiring when they go home

[so****]

I thought "no strings" meant no emotional attachment/commitment afterward. Am I wrong?

[Ma****]

7 minutes ago, south-bend-mish said:

I thought "no strings" meant no emotional attachment/commitment afterward. Am I wrong?

Basically yes. But we’re in a bit of a pickle… I’m her first dominant partner (or to be more specific the first who actually gives her the space and position to live out her fantasies and desires [only dated vanillas and significantly younger men]) and she’s my first submissive partner whom I have not been in a committed relationship with. Since I’m the “problem” here, due to the fact that I don’t want to push boundaries or “ruin” her for any potential future dynamics or relationships, I needed some advice. She’s awesome, I enjoy my time with her and the feeling is mutual but since we’re not “exclusive” I feel like I can’t act like I would with my previous partners.

[Wi****]

48 minutes ago, MattyBlue said:

Basically yes. But we’re in a bit of a pickle… I’m her first dominant partner (or to be more specific the first who actually gives her the space and position to live out her fantasies and desires [only dated vanillas and significantly younger men]) and she’s my first submissive partner whom I have not been in a committed relationship with. Since I’m the “problem” here, due to the fact that I don’t want to push boundaries or “ruin” her for any potential future dynamics or relationships, I needed some advice. She’s awesome, I enjoy my time with her and the feeling is mutual but since we’re not “exclusive” I feel like I can’t act like I would with my previous partners.

You might try sitting down with her and talking. Strangely enough, talking has the ability to clear up a lot of things.

[Wi****]

1 hour ago, Nando89 said:

My guess is they are or one is visiting the area 🤔. So it's expiring when they go home

NSA can mean several things. But yeah typically no emotional attachments ,but I say, good luck with that.
There are all kinds of commitments.
Having an expiration date can be a commitment. Expiration date can be, do we part ways no questions asked. Or do we reassess and decide if we want to part ways or extend to a different expiration date.

[Ma****]

1 hour ago, Nando89 said:

My guess is they are or one is visiting the area 🤔. So it's expiring when they go home

Nope. I clarified that earlier. We’re Bothe moving to different cities in about six months

[Wi****]

10 minutes ago, MattyBlue said:

Nope. I clarified that earlier. We’re Bothe moving to different cities in about six months

Maybe if it's something that would be of interest, you could negotiate moving to the same one.

[Ma****]

2 minutes ago, Windwolf said:

Maybe if it's something that would be of interest, you could negotiate moving to the same one.

She’s about to move about 200km up north and me about 400km down south… highly unlikely. And that’s not the point. We don’t want to prolong the arrangement. I just don’t want to get her hooked on some codependent nonsense. She’s her own person, I respect her and her private life. But she’s new to all this and she starts to like it very fast. So if I do what I usually do it gets unnecessarily hard for her in the end.

[Wi****]

7 minutes ago, MattyBlue said:

She’s about to move about 200km up north and me about 400km down south… highly unlikely. And that’s not the point. We don’t want to prolong the arrangement. I just don’t want to get her hooked on some codependent nonsense. She’s her own person, I respect her and her private life. But she’s new to all this and she starts to like it very fast. So if I do what I usually do it gets unnecessarily hard for her in the end.

I see. It seems that she is becoming dependent on the lifestyle rather than you.
In which case guidance on how to vet future partners and how to be safe could be beneficial, though it sounds like you are already doing at least the safety part.

If she has become liberated to the point that she is able to live out her desires, her whole life has already changed, if she knows it or not.

I didn't know what you normally would do ,but if it's something that she is interested in, then maybe it would help to prepare her for the next step in her journey.